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Ethical dilemma

Lateralus

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How bad would it be to get involved with one of your instructors? She's an undergrad instructing one of my labs and we share a couple other classes. There's definitely some attraction and chemistry, but I'm having a difficult time deciding what to do.

What I'm worried about is this. If I got involved with her, that would probably put her in a compromising position, conflict of interests and all that. Also, what if I'm misreading her? I don't think I am, but if made a move and she's not receptive...that would be extremely awkward. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't hesitate, but I'm wondering if I should just scrap the idea.
 

Haight

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"Ethical dilemma"? That's a stretch.

Either way, if you are wrong then the class will get easier. But if you are right and she's up for getting down, then the class will get harder.
 

Mempy

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What I'm worried about is this. If I got involved with her, that would probably put her in a compromising position, conflict of interests and all that.

What conflict of interests?

Also, do you think the repercussions of being caught having a relationship with a student would be the same for her as for a professor? You said she's an undergrad; does your school even care if undergrad instructors become involved with students? She seems to have way less professional responsibility than a professor, but I don't know.

Also, what if I'm misreading her? I don't think I am, but if made a move and she's not receptive...that would be extremely awkward. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't hesitate, but I'm wondering if I should just scrap the idea.

Does it have to be a huge move? Even just a small risk on your part would open the door for her to reciprocate. In other words, take a small risk, a small step forward, and see if she reciprocates by taking a risk of her own. If she doesn't, maybe she's not that interested. But you don't have to put both your balls on the line, so to speak, to get a better idea of how interested she is.
 

Anja

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I agree with Metamorphosis in the sense that the onus of responsibility is on her and not you.

But from my viewpoint, the fact that you recognize the conflict of interest, means to me that you are an ethical human. And as such may feel a need to draw a boundary if she's clueless.

From personal experience, no situation where an instructor showed more than a professional interest in me, turned out well for either of us. There's always that issues of grades. . .

But then there is the future beckoning and not all relationships need to be decided upon in the present.

Good for you for seeing the difficulties you may be facing.
 

Anja

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Didn't mean to bypass you Memphy. Apparently we were posting at the same time.

I don't see Lateralus's concern as being about whether the school notices or cares as much as that he has expressed a concern about personal ethics.

I don't see this as a matter of getting caught, being punished by an authority. To me it's more a matter of what kinds of things may happen to each individual in a personal sense.
 

Mempy

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Didn't mean to bypass you Memphy. Apparently we were posting at the same time.

I don't see Lateralus's concern as being about whether the school notices or cares as much as that he has expressed a concern about personal ethics.

I don't see this as a matter of getting caught, being punished by an authority. To me it's more a matter of what kinds of things may happen to each individual in a personal sense.

I like your way of looking at the topic; it gave the topic a more personal angle that I hadn't considered, and it's all the more interesting because you have personal experience with this type of situation.

I agree that the personal angle of ethics is an important thing to consider here. Regardless of what's expected of her as an undergrad lab instructor, she's going to have her own ethics and morals that she holds herself to, and Lateralus will have his. Say the rules don't prohibit undergrad instructors from having relationships with their own students; based on her ethics, she may STILL have a qualm with having those relationships, even if the rules don't prohibit it. I understand. Grades is one area where I can see myself having an ethical dilemma about these kinds of relationships. Edited to add: I'm also really interested in hearing more about the dilemmas you faced in these kinds of relationships, if you're willing to share. :)

Mainly I wanted Lateralus to clarify what he meant by "conflict of interests." But additionally, I still want to know how much and what kind of professional responsibilities she has according to school rules and guidelines. In other words, what is expected of her as an undergrad lab instructor? Do the same rules that a professor must follow, particularly with regard to student-teacher relationships, apply to her as well? If not, how do those rules differ?
 

Enyo

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How bad would it be to get involved with one of your instructors? She's an undergrad instructing one of my labs and we share a couple other classes. There's definitely some attraction and chemistry, but I'm having a difficult time deciding what to do.

What I'm worried about is this. If I got involved with her, that would probably put her in a compromising position, conflict of interests and all that. Also, what if I'm misreading her? I don't think I am, but if made a move and she's not receptive...that would be extremely awkward. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't hesitate, but I'm wondering if I should just scrap the idea.

This semester? Be her buddy. Go out to dinner with her, hang out, but avoid making any huge moves. Once the semester is over, then it's open game. Plus, it gives you time to feel her out without it causing issues.
 

Lateralus

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This semester? Be her buddy. Go out to dinner with her, hang out, but avoid making any huge moves. Once the semester is over, then it's open game. Plus, it gives you time to feel her out without it causing issues.
Problem with that is, I'm out of town, back in Minneapolis, the day after the semester is over.
 

Mempy

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If your biggest qualm is that getting involved with her would unfairly help your grade, how much of a problem do you have with that? Does the idea of her grading you with a bias really chafe you?

Your lab work isn't subjective in nature, is it?

And this is the next thing I was going to ask.
 

Lateralus

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If your biggest qualm is that getting involved with her would unfairly help your grade, how much of a problem do you have with that? Does the idea of her grading you with a bias really chafe you?



And this is the next thing I was going to ask.
Heh, I would have absolutely no problem with that. My problem is, I don't want either of us to be accused of anything by the school. Let's say I'm sleeping with her and she's grading my work, whether or not that influences her grading is irrelevant if the school finds out and determines that the mere appearance of impropriety is unacceptable. That's my issue.
 
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