Silence is Pretentious

[Cloudpatrol]

The silence of my ego, of my critical mind, my prefrontal cortex, is terrifying because I rely on my ego for control, to control my superego: my ideals, and commandments, and to control my id: my pleasure, my wants and desires.

So when my ego is silent, I feel a sharp fear, I don't know what to do, I feel I am drowning. But then something magical happens: I flip over and my unconscious comes out to play.

Fortunately I had a happy childhood so there are no demons in my unconscious, time disappears and I become completely absorbed in what I am doing.

And when I have had my fill of play, my conscious mind clicks in and carries me out into the world.

May I ask, do you have to prompt the flip or does it just happen organically?

 

[Mole]

May I ask, do you have to prompt the flip or does it just happen organically?

If I may say so, dear Cloudpatrol, I don't do the flip myself. Just before the flip I am feeling an intense, if momentary, fear. It is of course fear of loss of control. And indeed control is taken out of my hands and the world of imagination reveals itself to me.

I do not control the world of the imagination. Imagination reveals itself to me - it is revelatory. It seeks and delivers epiphanies - insights that I would not otherwise have.

However I always remember that imagination is not reality. So when I am crossing the road I turn off my imagination and focus on the traffic so that I can cross safely to the other side.

But what I rather enjoy is being aware of my imagination and reality at the same time. It is as though my imagination illuminates reality. I realise my performance is slightly impaired in playing with my imagination and reality at the same time, so I am careful to do it in a safe environment.

It is like dancing with reality at the slight cost of performance.

It is possible to do this with a partner. At first it is important to practise simple rules until they become second nature - it is a bit like learning to play the piano: we need to practise simple scales at first, until they become second nature, then we are free to improvise.

Thank you for asking, it is a delight to speak with you.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

If I may say so, dear Cloudpatrol, I don't do the flip myself. Just before the flip I am feeling an intense, if momentary, fear. It is of course fear of loss of control. And indeed control is taken out of my hands and the world of imagination reveals itself to me.

I do not control the world of the imagination. Imagination reveals itself to me - it is revelatory. It seeks and delivers epiphanies - insights that I would not otherwise have.

However I always remember that imagination is not reality. So when I am crossing the road I turn off my imagination and focus on the traffic so that I can cross safely to the other side.

But what I rather enjoy is being aware of my imagination and reality at the same time. It is as though my imagination illuminates reality. I realise my performance is slightly impaired in playing with my imagination and reality at the same time, so I am careful to do it in a safe environment.

It is like dancing with reality at the slight cost of performance.

It is possible to do this with a partner. At first it is important to practise simple rules until they become second nature - it is a bit like learning to play the piano: we need to practise simple scales at first, until they become second nature, then we are free to improvise.

Thank you for asking, it is a delight to speak with you.

I can relate to this. Though on a solo level, I don't think it is something I have experienced in tandem. I appreciate your illumination.

 

[Mole]

I can relate to this. Though on a solo level, I don't think it is something I have experienced in tandem. I appreciate your illumination.

Let me be frank, Cloudpatrol, I am starting to cool towards you. I do accept you like to play on a solo level but you tell me you hate mutual emotional expression on the telephone.

The telephone is a medium that doesn't work solo. It requires two.

One way of looking at playing with imagination and reality is to see it as a spiritual exercise, and I think it is very helpful to practise a spiritual or emotional exercise in tandem.

You do present exceptionally well on the internet leading me to believe you were confident with mutual emotional or spiritual expression. But I was disappointed: you hate it.

Let me just finish by saying this: the internet is the telephone connected to a computer, and the promise of the internet is mutual emotional expression, but it can't be realised by narcissists going solo. If the internet were a church, narcissism would be a sin.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Let me be frank, Cloudpatrol, I am starting to cool towards you. I do accept you like to play on a solo level but you tell me you hate mutual emotional expression on the telephone.

The telephone is a medium that doesn't work solo. It requires two.

One way of looking at playing with imagination and reality is to see it as a spiritual exercise, and I think it is very helpful to practise a spiritual or emotional exercise in tandem.

You do present exceptionally well on the internet leading me to believe you were confident with mutual emotional or spiritual expression. But I was disappointed: you hate it.

Let me just finish by saying this: the internet is the telephone connected to a computer, and the promise of the internet is mutual emotional expression, but it can't be realised by narcissists going solo. If the internet were a church, narcissism would be a sin.

I am thinking that due to laziness with punctuation, my intent was not clear [MENTION=3325]Mole[/MENTION]. I can only relate to this as a solo exercise because that is the only manner in which I have experienced it. I wouldn't know how to go about such tandem expression. It doesn't mean that I am closed to learning how to do so.

I do not hate mutual expression (actually I am well known in the 'real world' for being a spiritual and sharing spirit) and am saddened that you would jump so far to the end of the spectrum in your view of me.

Although I hate the telephone, I am well aware of the reasons for why this is so. It comes from something deeply personal that has to do with not being able to see the person's eyes as we speak. I rely that you can trust me there is good background for these feelings on my part - as I am a very reasonable person.

I will make exceptions to telephone boycott and indeed do not shun it entirely when needs must.

I am somewhat startled by the tone of your message when up until this point our communications have been warm and upbuilding. If you fear negative aspects reflected in myself, please always feel welcome to probe for elucidation. Even if my response does not satisfy, I welcome the opportunity for discourse before judgement is decided upon

 

[Mole]

I am thinking that due to laziness with punctuation, my intent was not clear [MENTION=3325]Mole[/MENTION]. I can only relate to this as a solo exercise because that is the only manner in which I have experienced it. I wouldn't know how to go about such tandem expression. It doesn't mean that I am closed to learning.

I do not hate mutual expression and am saddened that you would jump so far to the end of the spectrum in your view of me.

Although I hate the telephone, I am well aware of the reasons for why this is so. It comes from something deeply personal that has to do with not being able to see the person's eyes as we speak. I rely that you can trust me there is good reason for these feelings on my part as I am a very reasonable person.

However, I will make exceptions to telephone boycott and indeed do not shun it entirely when needs must.

I am somewhat startled by the tone of your message when up until this point our communications have been warm and upbuilding. If you fear negative aspects reflected in myself, please always feel to probe for elucidation. Even if I do not satisfy you with a response I would welcome the opportunity for discourse before judgement is decided upon

I certainly made a rush to judgement. And it is true up to this point I have been warm and upbuilding, and my presumption was you were too. But when you used the word hate it raised a red flag for me. So I started to wonder if you were a hate filled person, but you tell me you are not, and that you hate the phone because you can't see the person's eyes as you speak.

Forgive me, won't you, if I question you further. If you hate the phone because you can't see the person's eyes as you speak, how do you feel about video calls on Sykpe where two or more parties can see each others eyes in real time?

What I am wondering: is it the eyes that are the problem or is it something deeper?

 

[Cloudpatrol]

I certainly made a rush to judgement. And it is true up to this point I have been warm and upbuilding, and my presumption was you were too. But when you used the word hate it raised a red flag for me. So I started to wonder if you were a hate filled person, but you tell me you are not, and that you hate the phone because you can't see the person's eyes as you speak.

Forgive me, won't you, if I question you further. If you hate the phone because you can't see the person's eyes as you speak, how do you feel about video calls on Sykpe where two or more parties can see each others eyes in real time?

What I am wondering is: is it the eyes that are the problem or is it something deeper?

I will PM you so that I am able to speak more freely.

 

[Kheledon]

Although I hate the telephone, I am well aware of the reasons for why this is so. It comes from something deeply personal that has to do with not being able to see the person's eyes as we speak.

If it makes any difference to you, I have to say that I hate the telephone too, and it's not because I am anti-social in any way.

I think I hate the telephone because most communication is non-verbal, and my FeNi works best face-to-face and one-on-one. You can't get that over the telephone, nor can you get it on an internet forum (and I am aware that I often come across as quite abrasive when I can't really "feel" what the person to whom I am speaking is feeling).

 

[Coriolis]

I do think that silence can be affected (perhaps even pretentious) at times. I had a friend who was perceived by our group as the 'shyest person anyone had ever met'. After being romantically involved and getting to know him more intimately I realized that his silence was often a matter of control.

Due to his upbringing he did not feel comfortable overtly seeking attention. However, by being noticeably silent he often ended up being the topic of conversation and was more discussed & included than other - slightly more vocal friends. His opinions and (truly) humorous insights were often actively sought because he did not give them freely.

Silence can be an excellent tool for control, especially controlling interpersonal distance. I recognize and sometimes employ it this way, though with different motivations.

If it makes any difference to you, I have to say that I hate the telephone too, and it's not because I am anti-social in any way.

I think I hate the telephone because most communication is non-verbal, and my FeNi works best face-to-face and one-on-one. You can't get that over the telephone, nor can you get it on an internet forum (and I am aware that I often come across as quite abrasive when I can't really "feel" what the person to whom I am speaking is feeling).

I hate the telephone, too, in fact it is my least preferred method of communication. But then again, I probably do come across as antisocial to many people. I don't like the instantaneous nature of phone conversations. I prefer email where I can consider the message and formulate my reply with more care. In-person conversations are in-the-moment as well, but somehow they feel less hurried than phone calls. I feel I can control the pace more, and even make spaces for silence when I need a moment to think before answering.

 

[Mole]

The Telephone and the Psyche

I love the telephone and have long, satisfying conversations with my sister every third day.

The essence of the telephone is spontaneity and reciprocity.

The telephone is reciprocal because it doesn't work with only one person, it requires at least two, reciprocating between themselves.

And the telephone is spontaneous because it requires we be ourselves in the moment.

And interestingly, reciprocity and spontaneity are signs of a healthy psyche.