I wish the world would stop glorying in flat affect

[SpankyMcFly]

Break free of the "norm" and be who you are, it's very liberating! We are meant to feel, or we wouldn't have the capability.

Article: Researchers Say We Stamp Out A Boy's Natural Emotional Expressiveness - Hartford Courant

A couple excerpts from the above article written ages ago on this topic:

"Because of what seem to be biologically based differences, boys start out life more emotionally expressive than girls," writes psychologist Ronald F. Levant of Harvard Medical School. Research finds that infant boys are 'more emotionally reactive and expressive' than infant girls, and remain so at least until they are 6 months old -- they show more joy, more anger, fussiness and crying, make more gestural signals and 'positive vocalizations' to their mothers, Levant writes in an article in the journal Professional Psychology: Research and Practice.

Who is this Ronald F. Levant? About Dr. Ronald F. Levant --- Ronald F. Levant Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia He is also a former president of the American Psychological Association (APA) Ronald F. Levant: 2005 APA President

normative male alexithymia - emotional numbness, an inability to put feelings into words. Vulnerable emotions are experienced as anger, often expressed as aggression.

We, society, condition men this way and if you don't personally do it, society picks up your "slack" for you. Breaking free of the norm is no small feat and even when you manage to, the pressure to realign with societal expectation is constant.

 

[Mole]

I don't see how keeping one's feelings to oneself cuts oneself off from them. Quite the contrary. It gives one the space and shelter to figure out what they really mean, rather than having the analysis colored by the projections and agendas of others.

There is restraint and there is repression.

Restraint as you so rightly point out is the hallmark of emotional intelligence. Restraint allows us to feel the emotion and then we can decide whether it is appropriate to express it.

On the other hand, repression occurs when we can no longer feel the emotion and so cannot decide whether it is appropriate to express it or not.

Repression consigns emotion to the unconscious were it is no longer conscious, but affects us in whatever we do, without our knowing.

 

[Mole]

What about Chief Keef. What do you think of him?

He appeals to the psychologically damaged and the damaging.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

He appeals to the psychologically damaged and the damaging.

On this we can agree. Now I have in words what I could not find to describe myself. Truly, he appeals to the damaged and the damaging. This is also a good title for a fantasy novel chapter.

 

[KitchenFly]

What's a tuff one Lark,. Violence and the hardening of a community due to its long term effect is real and a tuff one , prosperity can change that pattern lots of work for everyone and good social engineering in community and via Tv can help to break the cycle but then it comes to religion which seems to be an imperial order mentality thing well how do you reverse the political thoughts of another, could be easier to shoot them, whoops ,. That seems to be the problem...

I kinda found flying low or high under or over the radar worked for me as
a kid and strait though the storm with in my own cereal of intermits and often matching the tone of the rhetoric with a firm semi sim pathic olternitive of eliminating truths as a replacement real of understanding can work but the content must cater for the context of the group energy.

Other than that I like to rely on my own solitude in my own intimacy.

I lived at an orphanage during grade two and three and I had no problems because I could enjoy my own solitude and I could happens wonder through the herd with out getting plugged into politics, I could hear the views of people with different energies and move along as I chose which out being damaged.

Then I went to a private boarding school and I found it was a bit different but I carried the same practice and kinda crossed through, when it come to politics I reflected that it was not the ball and continued the game with out buying into there game. People respected that truth because it was spoken from a trance free prospective and it was a small gap in there own trance and an opening window that that could choose to clime though. People I did not like very much I wood lessen the energy so as they would not see the window of opportunity. Not all people are deserving and no all people are deserving all the time.

Intamacy and solitude and free choose. It's like a switch , three parts four parts. Or one part two parts three parts four parts.

0 1 2 4 .... 1 2 3 4

 

[Mole]

It is more to prevent others from manipulating us. As others have mentioned, emotional openness with close friends or intimate partners may be well and good, but with the entire world it is ill-advised.

The problem is that as we maintain our psychological defences, we feel comfortable with those who also maintain their psychological defences, and after a while it seems natural, second nature. And it becomes a vicious circle, just as we become emotionally vicious and emotionally cruel.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

The problem is that as we maintain our psychological defences, we feel comfortable with those who also maintain their psychological defences, and after a while it seems natural, second nature. And it becomes a vicious circle, just as we become emotionally vicious and emotionally cruel.

You don't have psychological defenses?

 

[Mole]

Psychological Defences, Emotional Cruelty, and Social Control

You don't have psychological defenses?

A classic psychological defence on Typology Central is the ad hominem attack. Rather than dealing with the issue at hand, those who disagree or who feel uncomfortable with the issue attack the person.

Of course a site devoted to personality lends itself to personal attacks.

But the facts remain, psychological defences lend themselves to emotional cruelty. And when these same psychological defences are shared by many members, psychological permission is given to emotional cruelty as a form of social control.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

A couple excerpts from the above article writtenormative male alexithymia - emotional numbness, an inability to put feelings into words. Vulnerable emotions are experienced as anger, often expressed as aggression.

We, society, condition men this way and if you don't personally do it, society picks up your "slack" for you. Breaking free of the norm is no small feat and even when you manage to, the pressure to realign with societal expectation is constant.

Excellent article. Confirms a theory of mine that I've had for a while. And, plays into the talk about emotional defenses quite a bit.

A classic psychological defence on Typology Central is the ad hominem attack. Rather than dealing with the issue at hand, those who disagree or who feel uncomfortable with the issue attack the person.

I'm not uncomfortable with the issue, I just think you're ignoring valid points of view and not acknowledging what they're actually saying. I also think you try to get under people's skin, not that you'll ever cop to that, and that even though you do this, you really dislike it when someone does it to you.

Maybe I need to understand people better, though.

 

[Mole]

The Origins of Emotional Cruelty on Typology Central

You don't have psychological defenses?

Emotional cruelty is normal on Typology Central and it is taken for granted.

But we shouldn't be surprised for emotional cruelty was built into the origins of Central.

The Red Book, of Carl Jung and, The Black Notebook, of Heidegger show that emotional cruelty was built in from the very beginning.

We can read about emotional cruelty in the book, For Your Own Good, by Alice Miller.

And what is telling is that emotional cruelty is thought of as fun, as clever, and even cool.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Emotional cruelty is normal on Typology Central and it is taken for granted.

This place is cruel? You should have visited the old INTP forum in 2008.

And what is telling is that emotional cruelty is thought of as fun, as clever, and even cool.

Now you're starting to understand the bigger picture.

 

[Mole]

I also think you try to get under people's skin, not that you'll ever cop to that, and that even though you do this, you really dislike it when someone does it to you.

And when the first line of psychological defence is exposed, we fall back onto the second line of defence.

And the tried and tested and time honoured second line of defence is to blame the victim.

And in an enviroment where emotional cruelty is accepted, psychological defence mechanisms flourish and grow like an evil garden.

 

[Mole]

This place is cruel? You should have visited the old INTP forum in 2008.

Now you're starting to understand the bigger picture.

Common decency stands against emotional cruelty, no matter how widespead, no matter how normal it appears.

The only condition necessary for emotional cruelty to succeed is for us to do nothing.

And a classic way of doing nothing is the psychological defence of flat affect.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

And when th

e first line of psychological defence is exposed, we fall back onto the second line of defence.

And the tried and tested and time honoured second line of defence is to blame the victim.​

And so, in trying to peel back psychological defenses, you are not engaged in acts of cruelty, or at least attempts at such? I suppose you convince yourself that you are engaging in healing.

And in an enviroment where emotional cruelty is accepted, psychological defence mechanisms flourish and grow like an evil garden.

I love evil gardens. Where else can someone get evil tomatoes, and evil apples and evil bananas?​

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Common decency stands against emotional cruelty, no matter how widespead, no matter how normal it appears.

There is nothing decent about common decency. There is no sense in common sense.

The only condition necessary for emotional cruelty to succeed is for us to do nothing.

I worry less about what you call "emotional cruelty" than the "banality of evil."

And a classic way of doing nothing is the psychological defence of flat affect.

What do you do?

 

[Mole]

From Surviving to Thriving Through Full Affect

And so, in trying to peel back psychological defenses, you are not engaged in acts of cruelty, or at least attempts at such? I suppose you convince yourself that you are engaging in healing.

I love evil gardens. Where else can someone get evil tomatoes, and evil apples and evil bananas?

When we attend a qualified psychotherapist, we start to discover our psychological defence mechanisms that have enabled us to survive but are holding us back from thriving now.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

When we attend a qualified psychotherapist, we start to discover our psychological defence mechanisms that have enabled us to survive but are holding us back from thriving now.

Hypothesis confirmed: Bully.

What do you know about anything? You like to poke and prod for weak points, but I don't buy your rationalization that this is because you're that kind and generous of a person. I think it stems from personal insecurity, frankly. You did this starting from one of the very first posts I made here. I'm not going to listen to life advice from such a person. I accept advice from people who I deem trustworthy, who actually demonstrate good intentions and good faith. These include family members, lovers, real-life pals and cyber buddies. You are not one of those people.

Folks like you do an excellent job of confirming the need for emotional distance to begin with.You kind of help to reinforce what myself and others were saying about complete emotional openness not being a good thing, or at least not a workable way to live.

This is the last time I'm going to be honest with you. Future attempts to convert me to what you think will "save me" will produce only mockery.

 

[Coriolis]

The problem is that as we maintain our psychological defences, we feel comfortable with those who also maintain their psychological defences, and after a while it seems natural, second nature. And it becomes a vicious circle, just as we become emotionally vicious and emotionally cruel.

So you advocate unilateral disarmament in the emotional realm? Is this how you operate yourself? How has it worked for you?

Also, what do you consider to be emotional cruelty?

 

[21%]

I think the 'flat affect' might be a cultural thing, and I can understand why it's encouraged in a stressed-out society. If one person starts screaming in panic, everyone will start screaming as well, and there will be chaos.

I've experienced a politically stressful period, where the society was tense, and every one was very agitated and angry. It only takes one little shout to cause mass panic, which then leads to violence.

I think trying to be 'hardened' is psychologically harmful, but I think it's the result of an already harmful environment.

I don't have any direct experience with 'hardened' societies. The cultures I know subscribe to a lot of gender roles but not the 'hardened males' bit. Yes, men are expected to be rational, but still 'warm' -- kind to others, compassionate.

There's expectation for everyone to show 'only positive emotions', but I guess that's a slightly different issue.

 

[Mole]

So you advocate unilateral disarmament in the emotional realm? Is this how you operate yourself? How has it worked for you?

Also, what do you consider to be emotional cruelty?

Not too bad.

I attended an Encounter Group for two years, run by the professional psychologist, Bob Hay, once a week at the University of New South Wales, Sydney, Australia, which changed my life.

Then even more importantly I studied Reichian Therapy leading to a Reichian Therapy Group run by the professional, Lara Amber, who was trained at the Radix Institute, Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA, click on Radix - Live Fully!

It is not surprising we still ask, what is emotional cruelty? Perhaps the best answer is provided by Alice Miller in her books including, For Your Own Good, click on http://playpen.icomtek.csir.co.za/~..._7_March_2007/Resources/books/alicemiller.pdf

And for the thoughts of Alice Miller click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpD283wpNgs&spfreload=10

And for, The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K83D-jY7BtU&spfreload=10