I still have the old t-shirt, except it reads like this:
Daoism: Shit Happens
Confucianism: Confucious say, 'shit happens'
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Atheism: I don't believe this shit
Agnosticism: What is this shit?
Edit: I misspelled Taoism. oops.