JohnnyYukonism-The One True Religion

[johnnyyukon]

And like, everyone ever said, "Johnny, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

and Johnny said unto him "I, Johnny (that's me), am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

And everyone was like, "Yo, radical, what do I have to do?"

and Johnny said, "Everything I say, and you can start by depositing bags of money into my PayPal account."

Verily I say unto thee, forsake not my PayPal account, and thou shalt be welcome into the Kingdom of Heaven 'n shit.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

You have serious issues regarding money, I've noticed.

Why is that?

Have you been used that way by many?

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

[MENTION=6336]AphroditeGoneAwry[/MENTION], you didn't get the joke

 

[iNtrovert]

And like, everyone ever said, "Johnny, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

and Johnny said unto him "I, Johnny (that's me), am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

And everyone was like, "Yo, radical, what do I have to do?"

and Johnny said, "Everything I say, and you can start by depositing bags of money into my PayPal account."

Verily I say unto thee, forsake not my PayPal account, and thou shalt be welcome into the Kingdom of Heaven 'n shit.

You know if you follow this to its logical conclusion you get betrayed by one of your followers, beaten till the flesh falls from your bonesn, and nailed to a cross. This happens all while your mother watches, people mock and spit on you, cheering as you die. I would say you would then rise from the dead but the joke seems to imply that you are just a fraud and not actually the messiah so that's just going suck for you because you're really going to be dead. Not only that but you would be a bad fraud because the whole reason you died was because people found out. Did I mention all of your friends would die horrible deaths trying to keep the scam going? Then thousands of years from now people would continue to mock you very existence. In fact someone will probally joke about your horrible death and the deaths of all that ever loved you on a public forum. Pretending to be the messiah…not even once bro.

 

[johnnyyukon]

You know if you follow this to its logical conclusion you get betrayed by one of your followers, beaten till the flesh falls from your bonesn, and nailed to a cross. This happens all while your mother watches, people mock and spit on you, cheering as you die. I would say you would then rise from the dead but the joke seems to imply that you are just a fraud and not actually the messiah so that's just going suck for you because you're really going to be dead. Not only that but you would be a bad fraud because the whole reason you died was because people found out. Did I mention all of your friends would die horrible deaths trying to keep the scam going? Then thousands of years from now people would continue to mock you very existence. In fact someone will probally joke about your horrible death and the deaths of all that ever loved you on a public forum. Pretending to be the messiah…not even once bro.

I am ready. God is Love. I have seen the Light!

Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!

Can I get an amen?
Can I get a hallelujah?
thank you, Jesus.

 

[prplchknz]

pfffft like you even know

 

[BadOctopus]

I can pay you in nifty pencil drawings, or in snarky remarks. I leave it up to you to decide which.

 

[johnnyyukon]

I can pay you in nifty pencil drawings, or in snarky remarks. I leave it up to you to decide which.

Johnnyism takes all forms of charity. Especially if it's in 20 dollar bills or higher.

 

[johnnyyukon]

pfffft like you even know

I cast thee out!

Unless you want to sign up for our "Johnny is Lord" payment plan of only 199.99 a month! Only 9 spots left!

 

[prplchknz]

I cast thee out!

Unless you want to sign up for our "Johnny is Lord" payment plan of only 199.99 a month! Only 9 spots left!

dude, I only let you think you're a god above me, but really I am a goddess above you.

 

[johnnyyukon]

dude, I only let you think you're a god above me, but really I am a goddess above you.

oh.







I cast thee out!

 

[prplchknz]

oh.







I cast thee out!

k

 

[HongDou]

my new religion

 

[Hitoshi-San]

No, no, no. YOU are not Lord.

 

[Eluded_One]

I am ready. God is Love. I have seen the Light!

Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!

Can I get an amen?
Can I get a hallelujah?
thank you, Jesus.

Break bread with the son and ye shall receive. Before doing so, I must ask thou --

 

[Qlip]

Sorry, Johnny, I already have automatic payments going to another savior service, they have pretty good ratings in consumer reports and they sent me a free football phone. Can you beat that?

 

[johnnyyukon]

Sorry, Johnny, I already have automatic payments going to another savior service, they have pretty good ratings in consumer reports and they sent me a free football phone. Can you beat that?

Fuck yes I can!

Just give me the name and address of your current Saviour Service, and I will, um, beat the competition.

 

[Qlip]

Fuck yes I can!

Just give me the name and address of your current Saviour Service, and I will, um, beat the competition.

Kewl!...

His Holiness, Pope Francis
Apostolic Palace
00120 Vatican City

 

[johnnyyukon]

Break bread with the son and ye shall receive. Before doing so, I must ask thou --

How dare thou question My hoisting, mortal?

I hoisteth daily, and consume some unleavened bread (too many carbs for a bulking phase, verily I say unto thee), yes, but primarily Prairie Chicken for breakfast, slaughtered by mine personal Hight Priest, in Holy (or unHoly, depending on My mood) fashion.

I might have like, a Mana smoothie, right before I hoisteth. I like a handfull of frozen raspberries, yummmee!

The Mighty Buffalo when it is time to sup, in like, these nice little steak cuts for the rest of the day. Well sometimeseth, I shall consume them in a dried form, whilst sipping Yak milk by the gallon. And resteth oft, like every day is the freaking 7th (Thine Lord does whatsoever pleaseth He).

Thou Lord (me) is trying to putteth on some serious weighteth, and shit.

 

[johnnyyukon]

Kewl!...

His Holiness, Pope Francis
Apostolic Palace
00120 Vatican City

I shall visit His Holiness (really?? that little wimp doesn't deserve capitalization, I'm not doin' that crap from now on) and convince him with my new friend and Holy Weapon of Persuasion that you just can't beat (a pope hat on the other hand, and the contents...) my low, low prices on Soul Solicitation!!!