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  1. #21
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    I feel these things when someone might call out or stir up a part of me that I have rejected out of shame. Either a part I have tried to lock down and starve, or have painted over with a self-image. The felt compulsion is being torn between withdrawing and courting damnation by baring it all, these reactive extremes making it obvious that we're drawing close to a problem within me.

    In cases where the other person actually is crossing a boundary, ironically I feel disinterested instead of invaded. It's easier in this situation to do something moderate: just decline to give the next detail and move on with the conversation. People are typically okay with that if it's not done to excess.
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  2. #22
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    I disagree. Some people are simply more sensitive towards other people than others.
    Doesn't make it healthy, valid, or right.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
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    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  3. #23
    Problem? Grand Admiral Crunch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Complexity View Post
    at first sight he comes across as nice and diplomatic and laidback to people. It's only after you knew him for quite some time then you will realize he actually has a blunt side beneath his nice and diplomatic exterior.
    So, you're saying his public persona is a facade? What does this mean to you in terms of Myers Briggs?

  4. #24
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    Asking a lot of questions like that of someone, to me suggests Ne. I'm not sure how accurate that is.

  5. #25
    A wannabe dog
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    Asking a lot of questions like that of someone, to me suggests Ne. I'm not sure how accurate that is.

    I don't think it's just Ne alone, I think it's a combination of Ti+Ne.
    I happened to know a few xNFPs in my life and they never do this to me. It's only the xNTPs who does this. And the weird thing is, although my INTP teacher love interrogating me non-stop, but at the end of the day, my ENTJ teacher actually understood me better than my INTP teacher. For example, I have anxiety, and my ENTJ teacher actually managed to accurately guess this without even me telling him, whereas my INTP teacher kept interrogating me non-stop but he is still unable to conclude that I have anxiety and he kept expanding more and more possibilities and his conclusion of me is getting more and more inaccurate. And the worse part about this is, sometimes, he will give me unsolicited advice about my life based on his inaccurate perception of me. He actually doesn't know much about me, and he kept jumping to conclusions about me, and then he starts giving me unsolicited advice based on his inaccurate perception of me. I guess this is what pissed me off most, his non-stop interrogation of me and his inaccurate perception of me. My INTP teacher for example, has always viewed me as an introvert because of how shy and quiet I can be in class. But he doesn't know that I have a people-oriented side to me as well. And he kept telling me to go outdoors more and be more social. But I am actually pretty social for an introvert, I actually do volunteering work during my free time and I am always joining clubs and signing up for classes, I am constantly meeting new people all the time and connecting with people all the time, I bet my INTP teacher doesn't even know that I have an extroverted side to me. So this is what I meant by his inaccurate perception of me, his conclusions of me is often way too off from who I really am.
    So yeah, I believe it's his Ti+Ne combination that makes him this way. He is always analyzing things from a logical viewpoint and his mind kept expanding more and more possibilities until his conclusions started becoming more and more inaccurate.

  6. #26
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    @Complexity: you are projecting your discomfort with the questions into character flaws on the person asking them. I see this all the time, people attributing how THEY feel into something about the other person. It's about you, and the question better asked of yourself is, "Why am I so uncomfortable with the questions?" Additionally, you should be asking, "Why do I value people who come to the "right" conclusion about me?"

    Why not be more forthcoming about yourself so people don't have to guess? You are setting up hoops and expecting others to jump through them and come to the same conclusions you have about yourself. Then you reward the hoop-jumpers for coming to those conclusions by declaring them the "better" person when in reality, your hoops ensure that only one conclusion can be reached. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Additionally, it would be nice to see you show some gratefulness that these teachers are trying to connect with you and give you advice, even if that advice is (in your opinion) unhelpful. You are very young and of course living in your own head, limited in ability to see it from other people's perspective very well (which is normal of course), and I think everything I've said will merely bounce off you with no impact. But if you can see this tendency even now, it will be a useful piece of knowledge about yourself in the future.

    Good luck!

    eta: as for the energy thing, it's normal to feel more tired after interaction with some people and not others. It has to do with a variety of factors, such as mental and emotional compatibility, how energy is used or shared, inner self-esteem and more. If I have time I'll come back and expand on that more.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
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    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  7. #27
    Member unsomething's Avatar
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    I struggle around nobody but people who base their view of another person around arbitrary judgments of facts about that person's life status/history. (introverted sensors, sigh...)

    Normally I wouldn't mind, I've just been through some emotionally rough times and my life has gotten to be all over the place, and I don't know how to handle people making zero allowance for that but also don't like to feel like I'm hiding information about myself.
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  8. #28
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Complexity View Post
    I don't think it's just Ne alone, I think it's a combination of Ti+Ne.
    I happened to know a few xNFPs in my life and they never do this to me. It's only the xNTPs who does this. And the weird thing is, although my INTP teacher love interrogating me non-stop, but at the end of the day, my ENTJ teacher actually understood me better than my INTP teacher. For example, I have anxiety, and my ENTJ teacher actually managed to accurately guess this without even me telling him, whereas my INTP teacher kept interrogating me non-stop but he is still unable to conclude that I have anxiety and he kept expanding more and more possibilities and his conclusion of me is getting more and more inaccurate. And the worse part about this is, sometimes, he will give me unsolicited advice about my life based on his inaccurate perception of me. He actually doesn't know much about me, and he kept jumping to conclusions about me, and then he starts giving me unsolicited advice based on his inaccurate perception of me. I guess this is what pissed me off most, his non-stop interrogation of me and his inaccurate perception of me. My INTP teacher for example, has always viewed me as an introvert because of how shy and quiet I can be in class. But he doesn't know that I have a people-oriented side to me as well. And he kept telling me to go outdoors more and be more social. But I am actually pretty social for an introvert, I actually do volunteering work during my free time and I am always joining clubs and signing up for classes, I am constantly meeting new people all the time and connecting with people all the time, I bet my INTP teacher doesn't even know that I have an extroverted side to me. So this is what I meant by his inaccurate perception of me, his conclusions of me is often way too off from who I really am.
    So yeah, I believe it's his Ti+Ne combination that makes him this way. He is always analyzing things from a logical viewpoint and his mind kept expanding more and more possibilities until his conclusions started becoming more and more inaccurate.
    I can relate to getting very agitated by the bolded. And I think it's actually a relatively common thing for INFJs to get agitated by this- we can tell when someone is generally misunderstanding a lot of things about what we say, and it's distressing when they don't pick up on the fact that they're agitating us with it (this has been discussed ad nauseum in this forum). It's hard for us to understand how others wouldn't pick up on something that seems obvious to us (that we're bothering/irritating someone), so we're at a loss as to how to remedy the problem in a considerate way: every option (which requires directly requesting some form of "please stop doing this") feels presumptuous and condescending. This is particularly difficult to do in the throes of actually being agitated- because if/when we issue "please stop doing this" statements (which feels very counter-intuitive in itself), we generally put a lot of effort in framing things to avoid sounding offensive, we typically need to feel like they are rational requests instead of thoughtless, accusatory and compulsive demands- and feeling emotionally charged makes this sometimes already very difficult task infinitely harder. When I see someone else effortless saying something like "I need you to back off" without making everyone involved feel uncomfortable/awkward <- that looks like a superpower to me. My usual approach is silently backing away/distancing myself- and yes, where it's not available to easily do this (because the person isn't picking up on visible cues that they're causing distress, and it's not easily available to avoid their presence), I usually find it incredibly exhausting to deal with them.

    I think INFJs tend to feel like we're getting backed into a corner very easily this way. Even when we already understand the person isn't being oafish on purpose, it's still distressing- just like when someone accidentally steps on your toe, it still might cause a discomfort that makes it difficult to think clearly regardless of how much they "didn't mean to" step on your toe. It seems like other types struggle to understand how this could possibly be such a problem for us, because they don't have as difficult a time as we do coming up with some way to say "please stop this." (I'm going to admit I get touchy when people take a "this doesn't bother me, it's easy for me to deal with and therefore there's something unhealthy/wrong about you if it isn't easy for you" stance). And the fact that it often gets chalked up to paranoia or hypersensitivity is probably exactly what makes INFJs incredibly selective about who we talk to about things like this in the first place. But yes, I find it invasive (however inadvertent, it will still *feel* invasive) and draining.
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  9. #29
    Problem? Grand Admiral Crunch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Complexity View Post
    I don't think it's just Ne alone, I think it's a combination of Ti+Ne.
    I happened to know a few xNFPs in my life and they never do this to me. It's only the xNTPs who does this. And the weird thing is, although my INTP teacher love interrogating me non-stop, but at the end of the day, my ENTJ teacher actually understood me better than my INTP teacher. For example, I have anxiety, and my ENTJ teacher actually managed to accurately guess this without even me telling him, whereas my INTP teacher kept interrogating me non-stop but he is still unable to conclude that I have anxiety and he kept expanding more and more possibilities and his conclusion of me is getting more and more inaccurate. And the worse part about this is, sometimes, he will give me unsolicited advice about my life based on his inaccurate perception of me. He actually doesn't know much about me, and he kept jumping to conclusions about me, and then he starts giving me unsolicited advice based on his inaccurate perception of me. I guess this is what pissed me off most, his non-stop interrogation of me and his inaccurate perception of me. My INTP teacher for example, has always viewed me as an introvert because of how shy and quiet I can be in class. But he doesn't know that I have a people-oriented side to me as well. And he kept telling me to go outdoors more and be more social. But I am actually pretty social for an introvert, I actually do volunteering work during my free time and I am always joining clubs and signing up for classes, I am constantly meeting new people all the time and connecting with people all the time, I bet my INTP teacher doesn't even know that I have an extroverted side to me. So this is what I meant by his inaccurate perception of me, his conclusions of me is often way too off from who I really am.
    So yeah, I believe it's his Ti+Ne combination that makes him this way. He is always analyzing things from a logical viewpoint and his mind kept expanding more and more possibilities until his conclusions started becoming more and more inaccurate.

    Notice how his advice is based on HIS feelings about what you need rather than your feelings.

    Also like to point out how there are no NTP's on your thread.

  10. #30
    A wannabe dog
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    Quote Originally Posted by theDarkSide View Post
    Notice how his advice is based on HIS feelings about what you need rather than your feelings.

    Also like to point out how there are no NTP's on your thread.

    So which type do you type him as? xNFP? xSFP? xSTJ?

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