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  1. #11
    Senior Member Ghost's Avatar
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    I might not realize I was in an argument until it's over. I'll correct someone then get mulish about asserting my point. Things like expectations or when an argument is over don't matter. I'm not that deliberate. It boils down to me thinking something they said or did was wrong/inaccurate, so I push until they give in. Later, when it's less immediate, it's easy to see what happened and how I should've just let it go.

    Sometimes, it can be enough to find out why our perspectives doesn't align. Realizing that, even if our views can't be reconciled, I can respect where the other person is coming from makes it easier to work around them instead of arguing with them.

    I'd rather watch others argue than do it myself because I learn more from that.

  2. #12
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Validation. It's all about the validation. Someone acknowledging WHY I would be angry, and that everything isn't my fault. I always feel like it is--I'm always looking within myself for reasons why I fucked up.. and I usually go into things assuming I fucked up. So.. when someone else is throwing that at me.. .. I just get angrier. I'm far more willing to swallow my pride and talk rationally when someone isn't trying to show me what I did wrong as if I can't tell we just got into an argument because no matter what I already think it's my fault. I like suggestions to fix the situation, but I don't like it coming to me with the spin of, "Well why don't you just do this from now on since you clearly have an issue with that."

    Also, I'm a girl, and I cry when I'm angry. It's just something I do. Crying is... overall, honestly, a more healthy way to vent my frustrations than what I did as a teenager. Which is hit things. A lot. I'm over the whole "I want to be violent as much as possible while not being judged" phase of my life.. but people that can't just adult the fuck up and handle someone crying without going bananas is preferred.

    I'd definitely prefer to hear "It's okay. You're fine. I forgive you.. and I'm sorry too." than "You're not a bad person suddenly, it's whatever." ... The word whatever during arguments is the worst. @_@
    Are you sure you're in the right thread

    But hitting walls is like so fun and TOTALLY worth it.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  3. #13
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    As much as I love to debate JUST for the sake and fun of debating, I've found that FEW people can actually do it while remaining calm, logical and respectful.

    Pity
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.
    Likes Raffaella liked this post

  4. #14
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyyukon View Post
    Are you sure you're in the right thread

    But hitting walls is like so fun and TOTALLY worth it.
    Hahahaha it can be.. I can't say i never get stressed like that. But I try for healthier venting now a days. Its better for me.

    The only way I really feel like I win is when I feel like my side of the argument is validated. I don't like arguing with people I care about at all. It feels icky being mad at them. Strangers? totally different story.

    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyyukon View Post
    As much as I love to debate JUST for the sake and fun of debating, I've found that FEW people can actually do it while remaining calm, logical and respectful.

    Pity
    It's difficult for sure.
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  5. #15
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    Arguing is a psychological defence mechanism.

    Arguing is an excellent way to avoid our own psyche and the psyche of others.

    And arguing is a psychological defence mechanism that is best done with someone else so we can avoid our psyches together and appear quite normal.

    Arguing is a shared form of denial. It keeps us safe from ourselves.

    But what is fascinating is that on a site devoted to psychology and the psyche, arguing is so prevalent. It is though we take part in a conspiracy to protect ourselves and each other.

    Can't be bad, can it?

  6. #16
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    How would you define winning an argument, or do you even define it at all?
    I hate the idea of winning an argument. I hate winning in general. I hate winners in most things because I care too much for the feeling of the ones that lose. I think people who argue to win are assholes, really.

    When you decide to engage in an argument, what motivates you to do so, and what makes you decide to end one?
    I don't argue with a person unless they are my family, partner or life long friends. I pretty much couldn't care less if an acquaintance or a stranger that tries to argue with me.
    When I feel like I'm being misunderstood, or I have a really good point and the other person decides to work/act against that, or the other person is insanely stubborn and gently put words cannot go through, I'll engage in an argument. An argument ends when points are made and something concrete is agreed upon. However, sometimes an argument ends in tears and passive aggressiveness because points cannot be made across, more misunderstanding is stacked up and the other person sticks to their gun.

    What do you expect to have gained when it's over?
    Understanding and harmony. Something like

    { "I understand why you think/say/do so. I'm sorry. "
    " I'm sorry too! "


    }
    .
    | | | If it is god who makes man, this is the devil finishing touches | | |
    .

  7. #17
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
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    I have a tendency to drop things, get irritated or bored quickly so if I enter an argument, I have to win, I have to convince the other side that I'm right (for all the other times I've been annoyed). However, it depends, sometimes I just enjoy 'winning' (i.e: they're left speechless or try to defer to something) and I walk away feeling good not caring whether the person's opinion has changed (just that I won). At other times, I need the person's opinion to change otherwise I feel I hadn't really gotten through to them (which in that case means I hadn't won).

    My desire to win is very intertwined the denial of anger. I do find the more I enter arguments, the less it becomes about winning and the more it becomes about an exchange of ideas.
    Night is another candle

  8. #18
    Senior Member Opal's Avatar
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    I give up if driving my point home will be too much effort. If I pursue argument I either seriously care about being understood or am being silly.

  9. #19
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    winning is mutual understanding and hopefully mutual respect. if someone's mind is changed at the end, i hope it's because they truly have learned something and have made that choice on their own. that's not part of it. it's about sharing perspectives and learning from each other for me.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
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  10. #20
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    I hardly ever win the argument. But when I do it is bitter sweet.

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