So, the other day I was just following my impulses as they one after another saved my life. After 5 days my RV and my Jeep were fixed and consolidated into one location in the middle of the rocky mountains.
Toward the very end as my journey came to a close, i said to god, "Ok god, i got it from here."
From that moment onward a terrible guilt took hold of me and started growing stronger and stronger until it became absolute despair.
It was possibly the worst thing I experienced ever. I started breathing heavy and just freaking out, and I had to pray to god for forgiveness to get it to stop. Shortly after the bus came and I was on my way.
Anyway, at the time I interpreted it as something god sent and completely dreadful.I interpreted it as god saying, "You will become the happy, healthy, enlightened person i want you to become. If you don't, you will suffer!" And then my emotions flipped inside out and started chewing a hole in me. For the rest of the day I felt like a beaten dog and didn't want to be a christian anymore. I wondered what kind of a god i was worshipping.
I've been told that god's wrath burns us when we sin, and I've been told that satan was permited to attempt to draw me away from god.
It felt like I was a slave to an abusive narcissist. Do as I say or else you get the fire!
Thoughts? What was this experience? Are there any bible verses that talk about satan causeing absolute despair in people as a means to sway them from god?