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  1. #1
    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    Default Compromise and Religion in relationships

    Lets say you are not religious or even an atheist but you really (like, really) like someone and they want you to go to church with them. Do you give in to make them happy? Why would you or wouldn't you?
    "All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is destructive and evil. Leaders destroy the followers and the followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."
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    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think it would depend on whether or not I believed it was an attempt to convert me. If they just wanted me for company and to integrate me into their social group, I'd probably be willing to go along with that. If they were trying to fix or improve me, I think I would be resistant.

    FWIW, I consider myself a religious person but I don't really enjoy church so I only go to humor my mom a few times a year right now.

    Edit: She wants to fix me, but I excuse it a bit more in my mom than I would in a partner.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    For sure. There should be a mutual respect of each others beliefs for this to be a healthy thing.
    "All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is destructive and evil. Leaders destroy the followers and the followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."
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    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by r.a View Post
    Lets say you are not religious or even an atheist but you really (like, really) like someone and they want you to go to church with them. Do you give in to make them happy? Why would you or wouldn't you?
    I would go sometimes, but it would depend on how stressful the environment at their church is. Some churches make me really anxious and uncomfortable, and some have really intrusive or mean, controlling people. I don't think I could go every week, but I would go sometimes and even tell people that I will pray for them and so forth.

    I'm pretty much the same with religion as I am when my friends talk about being psychic, have conspiracy theories, are Republican, etc. I think we are all confused, so my expectations of myself and others are realistic. If they can relax about differences, then so can I.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

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    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'd go, just to learn more about them, and the people they probably have bonds with in their life through that church. I'd also promise to be openminded towards the religion aspect itself and take it in to see if it perhaps could be for me. At the same time, I'd expect that to be my choice and mine alone. No promises, no demands, no converting. Equal open-mindedness and respect. And then we see where we stand after that and go from there.
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    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    I would go sometimes, but it would depend on how stressful the environment at their church is. Some churches make me really anxious and uncomfortable, and some have really intrusive or mean, controlling people. I don't think I could go every week, but I would go sometimes and even tell people that I will pray for them and so forth.
    For sure. Its a good way to gauge one's level of craziness. Those super dogmatic churches are very hard to swallow for my pragmaticism.
    "All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is destructive and evil. Leaders destroy the followers and the followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."
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    J.Krishnamurti

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    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I'd go, just to learn more about them, and the people they probably have bonds with in their life through that church. I'd also promise to be openminded towards the religion aspect itself and take it in to see if it perhaps could be for me. At the same time, I'd expect that to be my choice and mine alone. No promises, no demands, no converting. Equal open-mindedness and respect. And then we see where we stand after that and go from there.
    I like that.
    "All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is destructive and evil. Leaders destroy the followers and the followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."
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    J.Krishnamurti

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    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    They can be whatever they want. I just don't like it when they force me to be like them and apply their rules on me and some expectancies. Not going to happen.

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    Quote Originally Posted by r.a View Post
    Lets say you are not religious or even an atheist but you really (like, really) like someone and they want you to go to church with them. Do you give in to make them happy? Why would you or wouldn't you?
    I would not. I'm not observant or religious, but as someone who's culturally and by ancestry Jewish, churches freak me out. The big crosses especially. If I was involved with a Jewish woman, however, I might go to shul/synagogue with her as long she went to a place that felt okay to me and was LGBT friendly.

    Oddly enough, my atheist partner and I almost joined a synagogue once, as much on her desire as on mine. Not about religion (obviously, she's an atheist and I'm whatever weird thing I am, certainly not a monotheist), but about community. We went and met with the rabbi and everything. But we never got around to joining or even going to services because other things took our attention. That synagogue was an odd mix of old school Conservative ... and Reconstructionist. I didn't realize it until that point, but even from visiting and poking around a bit it turns out that when it comes to services, I'm kind of a traditionalist, specifically in that I like stuff to be in Hebrew. This is because of how I was raised, what felt right and familiar to me in terms of experience in a community setting.

    Back to the OP, it does seem to me that this could be as much about community as about religion, for some people at least.

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    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by r.a View Post
    Lets say you are not religious or even an atheist but you really (like, really) like someone and they want you to go to church with them. Do you give in to make them happy? Why would you or wouldn't you?
    Sure - once, as an observer. It is very unlikely that I would be in a relationship with someone who valued going to church, though.

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