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  1. #11
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    ^ it's even better to be both.

  2. #12
    Senior Member entpersonal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    ^ it's even better to be both.
    Of course. I would prefer also to be liked. If you're neither you're pretty fucked though. Just some bumbling idiot without connections.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Basic competency and high people skills will get you further than brilliant competency and low people skills. People skills are the most important thing. Your work just needs to be adequate.

  4. #14
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I want to think I can get better socially, but i've been trying for years and so much of it still doesn't make sense and I often say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
    I *think* if you can practice enough to get through an interview and do basic small talk it might be okay. At a lot of jobs, beyond not annoying managers and customers, you don't need a ton of social skills. If you always show up a little early, you call in ASAP when you can't be there but you're there, like, 99.8 percent of the time, you are willing to have your schedule messed around and come in on short notice it might be enough. Mostly managers want to not have to think about you at all. Showing up dependably is huge. Competence and conscientiousness seems to be somewhat less a big deal as long as you don't do anything that directly and obviously costs them money, like screw up hugely on register.

    If you can get access to a mentor or coach who helps people get though interviews and find a thing for autistics/aspies that offers advice on small talk and have someone role-play it with you until it gets fairly comfortable it might be okay. Then just try to stick to that stuff as much as possible.

    I'm not great with a lot of that stuff myself, tbh, and sometimes say things that make people look at me like I've got five heads. But I do okay if I stick to the weather, etc.

    Edit: You could pretend to be undercover. You're trying to infiltrate a group of cows who have disguised themselves as humans. They can only understand simple, concrete concepts and you must not let them know you can do any more than that or you will be discovered as an impostor.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #15
    Senior Member entpersonal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    Basic competency and high people skills will get you further than brilliant competency and low people skills. People skills are the most important thing. Your work just needs to be adequate.
    It depends on the profession - for professional tennis, say, competency trumps EQ.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    True. I guess I don't think of sports as a profession.

  7. #17
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post

    Edit: You could pretend to be undercover. You're trying to infiltrate a group of cows who have disguised themselves as humans. They can only understand simple, concrete concepts and you must not let them know you can do any more than that or you will be discovered as an impostor.
    I think I might try this

    follow up question: why is the world like this? wouldn't it be better to ignore the people and do your job?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  8. #18
    reflecting pool Typh0n's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entpersonal View Post
    It depends on the profession - for professional tennis, say, competency trumps EQ.
    I think its true for everything "just being adequate" will never get anyone promoted.

  9. #19
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    True. I guess I don't think of sports as a profession.
    Well, science and engineering are professions, and you don't get very far in them without competency commensurate with the type of project you are working on. Yes, there is a certain amount of OJT required in every position, but again, you have to be fairly quick to keep up with the learning curve so you can start being productive. OTOH, most people don't expect scientists and engineers to be Miss Congeniality. We get the job done and are generally polite, unassuming, and helpful. That tends to be enough.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #20
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Well, science and engineering are professions, and you don't get very far in them without competency commensurate with the type of project you are working on. Yes, there is a certain amount of OJT required in every position, but again, you have to be fairly quick to keep up with the learning curve so you can start being productive. OTOH, most people don't expect scientists and engineers to be Miss Congeniality. We get the job done and are generally polite, unassuming, and helpful. That tends to be enough.
    I know the rules of politeness if it's in a structure that I have experience with like I can do yes mam no mam yes sir no sir please and thank you. I have that down, and I don't really care enough about others to be assuming, and my mom has me trained to be helpful. where I run into problems is when I have to interact with some on the same level as the playing field as me or be nice to someone I don't know, I think I'm nice but 7 out of 10 times the other person gets offended. if I'm just shooting the breeze, I don't understand those rules. and because I have a literal mind and often miss subleties I don't always know when I'm suppose to laugh, why I can't directly ask someone their opinion of me, or I forget that people might view the world differently (this last one I don't get either, because I am not all the unique). or I say things that I think are fine, or do things that I think are fine to find out later that they really aren't. All i need is a better brain, and I'll have a chance in life.

    when I was 24 someone finally told me that it's polite to say good morning. even if you don't feel like, and she was like had you noticed I stopped saying it to you, I wanted to see if you would do it first. And no I hadn't noticed. So now I say morning, because morning is never good so I'm not going to lie and say it is.

    so the thing is even though I do stuff without meaning to piss someone else off, I'm lucky to have friends who know me that I can be like this person is mad at me, this is what happened right before. and they can be like this is why and then I know not to do that again.

    Once someone knows me, they know I don't always do well socially and know I'm open to learning and if you explain to me why what I did wasn't ok and have a conversation and make sure I actually understand. Now not all my friends are like this but one is. Let me ask questions about why I shouldn't do x and why I should try y instead. she also knows that sometimes she has to be "hey, so and so is mad at you, what did you do?" and I'm usually like "they're mad at me? I have no clue" then I feel bad and legit have no clue what I did.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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