How to be an American.

[Mole]

How to be an American is easy for all we have to do is follow Thomas Jefferson who taught us to pursue happiness.

And there is no need to be afraid of happiness because the pusuit of happiness is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States of America.

This is easy to say but how do we pursue happiness in 2014?

And the answer is as easy as falling off a log and as American as apple pie, and it is simply through self help.

But just as we don't try and raise a barn alone, we don't try and help ourself alone.

Rather we join a free self help group in America.

A good place to start is Share! at http://www.shareselfhelp.org/

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

We can't ride kangaroos and barbecue shrimp, so we have to settle for this. We have things called cities here and can't just get by through stealing other people's sheep or whatever you guys do.

Anyway, haters are annoying.

 

[cafe]

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Brb spiders

A Huntsman spider? Like this one...

https://www.google.com.mx/search?q=...ipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FDelena_cancerides;640;426

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

Brb spiders.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

How to be an American is easy for all we have to do is follow Thomas Jefferson who taught us to pursue happiness.

And there is no need to be afraid of happiness because the pusuit of happiness is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States of America.

This is easy to say but how do we pursue happiness in 2014?

And the answer is as easy as falling off a log and as American as apple pie, and it is simply through self help.

But just as we don't try and raise a barn alone, we don't try and help ourself alone.

Rather we join a free self help group in America.

A good place to start is Share! at http://www.shareselfhelp.org/

Says the non American...

 

[Mole]

Mole and Alexis de Tocqueville

Says the non American...

The first person to tell you how to be an American was Alexis de Tocqueville who published, Democracy in America in 1835. And it is essential reading if you want to know how to be an American.

And the second person to tell you how to be American is Mole, who bestirred himself by the river to write to you and acknowledge his predecessor, Alexis de Tocqueville, and bring you up to date, from 1835 to 2014, on how to be an American.

Of course we do expect you to be grateful, for both Alexis and Mole are non-Americans, and so can advise you how to be an American, objectively.

 

[Rasofy]

I bet an equivalent thread on 'How to be an Australian' would be considered bullying, trolling, and a form of psychological warfare.

 

[Mole]

At self help groups like Share! we don't pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, rather we share our recovery with the group.

They say the literate, individual American is never more themself than when they are alone, but the electronic American discovers themselves in the group.

So we might say the self help groups take us from literate individualism to the electric world of shared feelings.

At Share! we learn to share our feelings in a safe environment.

 

[cafe]

At self help groups like Share! we don't pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, rather we share our recovery with the group.

They say the literate, individual American is never more themself than when they are alone, but the electronic American discovers themselves in the group.

So we might say the self help groups take us from literate individualism to the electric world of shared feelings.

At Share! we learn to share our feelings in a safe environment.

That isn't very American, my friend.

 

[Mole]

I bet an equivalent thread on 'How to be an Australian' would be considered bullying, trolling, and a form of psychological warfare.

Come on, you have no idea how to be an Australian.

I have been telling you how to be an Australian for yonks, but no one listens.

Imagine if you had read enough history and you could tell us how to be an Australian, don't you think we would be interested. But the reality is, you don't know.

And it seems, you don't know, you don't know.

 

[Rasofy]

Come on, you have no idea how to be an Australian.

I have been telling you how to be an Australian for yonks, but no one listens.

Imagine if you had read enough history and you could tell us how to be an Australian, don't you think we would be interested. But the reality is, you don't know.

And it seems, you don't know, you don't know.

Do you see Australians as role models for Americans?

 

[Mole]

National Training Laboratory and America

That isn't very American, my friend.

Of course you have the disadvantage of being subjectively American and not objective.

While I see that in 1946 the National Training Laboratory at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology created the first self help group called an encounter group.

The encounter group was enormously successful and led to self help groups across the world.

I took part in a NTL self help group at the University of New South Wales and it changed my life, as has happened to millions.

In fact self help groups were created by Americans for Americans by the National Training Laboratory at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, America's premier University.

They were so successful America's self help groups spead around the world, and are even used today by the Catholic Church.

You may see the National Training Laboratory at http://www.ntl.org/inner.asp?id=178&

 

[Mole]

Do you see Australians as role models for Americans?

You can't even imitate our accent, so how could you imitate us?

But what is amazing is that although we are inundated with American popular culture, we have maintained our own identity, unlike the Canadians, who are as Canadian as possible, under the circumstances.

 

[Rasofy]

You can't even imitate our accent, so how could you imitate us?

But what is amazing is that although we are inundated with American popular culture, we have maintained our own identity, unlike the Canadians, who are as Canadian as possible, under the circumstances.

I'm not American.

You dodge questions well, I'll give you that.

 

[Mole]

Do you see Australians as role models for Americans?

The problem is Americans see us as little Americans. They see Americans as role models for Australians.

This is seen by Australians as hilarious.

How can I explain this?

When the British tried to establish a Landed Aristocracy in Australia, we didn't take up arms, we simply laughed at them. And we have been laughing at them ever since at their attempt to set up a Bunyip* Aristocracy in Australia.

In the same way we laugh at Americans, but we have learnt Americans do not appreciate the Australian sense of humour, so we keep it to ourselves.

*The bunyip is a large mythical creature from Aboriginal mythology, said to lurk in swamps, billabongs, creeks, riverbeds, and waterholes.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

The problem is Americans see us as little Americans. They see Americans as role models for Australians.

This is seen by Australians as hilarious.

How can I explain this?

When the British tried to establish a Landed Aristocracy in Australia, we didn't take up arms, we simply laughed at them. And we have been laughing at them ever since at their attempt to set up a Bunyip* Aristocracy in Australia.

In the same way we laugh at Americans, but we have learnt Americans do not appreciate the Australian sense of humour, so we keep it to ourselves.

*The bunyip is a large mythical creature from Aboriginal mythology, said to lurk in swamps, billabongs, creeks, riverbeds, and waterholes.

When the fuck have Americans been laughing at Australians and vice versa? The only remotely Australian jokes I've heard here have been the entire wildlife being vicious predators or venomous creatures.

 

[Rasofy]

The problem is Americans see us as little Americans. They see Americans as role models for Australians.

This is seen by Australians as hilarious.

How can I explain this?

When the British tried to establish a Landed Aristocracy in Australia, we didn't take up arms, we simply laughed at them. And we have been laughing at them ever since at their attempt to set up a Bunyip* Aristocracy in Australia.

In the same way we laugh at Americans, but we have learnt Americans do not appreciate the Australian sense of humour, so we keep it to ourselves.

*The bunyip is a large mythical creature from Aboriginal mythology, said to lurk in swamps, billabongs, creeks, riverbeds, and waterholes.

Heh, got you.

What do you see in this pic, Mole? Share your insights.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

You can't even imitate our accent, so how could you imitate us?

But what is amazing is that although we are inundated with American popular culture, we have maintained our own identity, unlike the Canadians, who are as Canadian as possible, under the circumstances.

Now you're taking shots at Canada?

 

[WhoCares]

Actually being Australian is easy, I'll give you all lessons, for free.

Step 1. Pretend Australia is the best country on the planet. I mean why not? We have skin cancer, bbq's and Holden V8 utes. Our residential building standards are equal to at least Thailand and while we're on the subject of Thailand, take your holidays there and enjoy ping pong shows in Phuket. What's not to like?

Step 2. Pretend to be egalitarian by embracing people from foreign lands, show them what it is to be Australian. Assist them in getting blind rotten drunk then vomiting in the street or peeing in the doorway of a public building. When not drunk drive down a suburban street and shout obscenities at anyone who doesn't look Australian (meaning white, sunburnt and wearing Billabong shorts). When you're around your newly Australian friends make sure they realise they're not really Australians because they weren't born here but that's okay because you tolerate them anyway.

Step 3. Cling tightly to the belief that Aboriginal people are all lazy recipients of centrelink payments and would kill you given half a chance. See their children as just another way for a teenage mom to collect more government handouts without needing to work. Ardently refute that they face any discrimination at all by pointing out that Ernie Dingo is a TV presenter on the popular travel show Getaway. Well, if one guy can make it surely the rest are just turning down good jobs for no reason.

Step 4. Impress your Asian coworkers by ordering laksa for lunch then telling them how much you like Japanese food. Point out you've had several Asian girlfriends which practically makes you one of them. Regale the office with stories of your drug-hazed nights in Bali and how one time you woke up next to a man...but 'you're not gay'. By the way, it's always appropriate to proposition Thai waitresses at the local eatery.