User Tag List

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 43

Thread: Confidence?

  1. #11
    redundant descriptor Array netzealot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013


    "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."
    "My sister puts up a front so people won't know how vulnerable she really is. Me? I put up a front so people won't know how vulnerable I'm not." - Dexter

  2. #12
    Member Array
    Join Date
    Nov 2013


    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post

    This being said; are there really any sets of genuine advice that have a more general application for confidence, outside of the one who gave it?
    self acceptance leads to confidence. practice accepting others, and naturally you will start to accept yourself.

    also, even the one that wonders about acceptance, is closer to doing it than ones who don't.
    If you see Eve, tell her I'm growing tired of walking the ends of the earth in trying to tell her no

  3. #13
    pathwise dependent Array FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    This is never acceptable, even when something is outside the sphere of my control
    Yeah? And what are you going to do, kill people?

    To the OP: in my opinion confidence should be task-dependant, not something that has to do with "approach to life". If you have experience with a given task, you can approach confidently its completion.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #14
    Senior Member Array two cents's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013


    Confidence is not a uniform thing, there are different kinds of confidence and different areas of your life/person to be confident about.

    Some people are cocky rather than confident, and they often come off as arrogant or even arrogant+insecure. They feel like they are better than everyone else, so OF COURSE they are great at ______, or possess _______ great quality, except that, sometimes, there are still gnawing doubts in the background. This kind of confidence CAN be appealing to some people, but it doesn't work nearly as well in real life as it does on TV for making you popular.

    The best confidence is self-efficacy: you feel reasonably sure that you can tackle a project because you've tackled the same (or similar) project before, or maybe you are generally good at _______ and feel that your skills will transfer well to ________. This confidence is not absolute, because you allow for the possibility of failure, you just don't feel like it's the likely outcome. The best part is, because you are focused on whatever it is you are confident about rather than how your ability to do it reflects on your person in general, you tend not to be loud and obnoxious about it. You are quietly confident. It doesn't mean you won't do any bragging, you are just not going to get grandiose about it. Most people who have to be around you being confident in this way rather appreciate it.

    Unfortunately, self-efficacy is much harder to manage than cockiness, as the latter depends only on how you see yourself and not on your actual performance in any field. It might take time, effort, and a lot of trial and error before you begin to feel you are good at something (and, btw, this does apply to things like social interaction, and even to how attractive you think you are, you still have to take time to observe and understand how you affect others). Faking it is actually a good stopgap measure, and yes, you CAN fake it till you make it. Just pretend to yourself that you are capable of something, and when it comes time to do it you will look to other people like you know what you are doing, even if you actually have no clue and are figuring it out on the fly. Pretty soon, you'll realize it works -- you both look confident and somehow manage to muddle your way through something, and you'll be more confident about your ability to look confident
    And that's my two cents on the subject.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Array ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Yeah? And what are you going to do, kill people?

    To the OP: in my opinion confidence should be task-dependant, not something that has to do with "approach to life". If you have experience with a given task, you can approach confidently its completion.
    Great, now I have to go to Plan B for all the killing I was planning to do this holiday weekend, in between baking pies and basting a turkey.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  6. #16
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Array Cellmold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012


    Thanks for the replies. I think I'll take some time to read through.
    "An upsidedown wire heart
    Being sucked into a periscope
    Still the mind is dull
    Like you need another excuse"

    … a theory is primarily a form of insight, i.e. a way of looking
    at the world, and not a form of knowledge of how the world is….
    .. all our different ways of thinking are to be considered as
    different ways of looking at the one reality, each with some
    domain in which it is clear and adequate….
    - David Bohm

  7. #17
    lackluster primate Array Night's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007


    Alright - I'll try to avoid making this too self-helpy. Let's see how successful I am.

    Confidence comes when you accept that loss and failure happen all the time, every single day. Amplitude varies, but insecurity is a never-ending part of being human. Doesn't matter how bright or how financially or romantically secure you are. Failure is everywhere. And this is good, because being unsuccessful is what you need in life. Success stunts; error is a chance to revise. To feel confident, you have to know what it means to be at the bottom.

    Never let success distract you from this point. Life has to suck before it becomes decipherable.

    You are going to lose. Everyone does. It's a mug's game and the end credits are unavoidable; the names in the crawl just differ. So, stop worrying about it. A lot of times fear of failure is linked to a fear of death. Knock it off. You can't control either. So, move on. And don't look back.

    Think less about others; more about yourself -- without preventing others from the same. Start at this point. Find this balance and work to repeat it as much as you can. Happiness and self-acceptance are always linked. Happiness with others lasts; happiness otherwise is superficial and temporary. People are made to connect. After you accept yourself, you need to appreciate others.

    Once self-worth becomes familiar, you will always experience self-doubt. Daily. It's healthy and reminds you against complacency. You need to earn happiness by improving other people. And yourself. Don't forget either.

    It all comes back to muting the things in life that stop you from finding yourself in other people and building relationships from there. I know this sounds trite and stinks of sugary, self-righteous cheese, but it's accurate. And I'm an INTJ.

    The future is anxiety; the past is depression. Stay close to the moment and life gets easier to understand. Easier still if you share it with others.

    So, there you go.

  8. #18
    Meat Tornado Array DiscoBiscuit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009


    Your representative owes you, not his industry only, but his judgment; and he betrays, instead of serving you, if he sacrifices it to your opinion.
    - Edmund Burke

    8w9 sx/so

  9. #19
    Senior Member Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2010


    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    This is never acceptable, even when something is outside the sphere of my control because the whole point is that I want to control the situation. I love contingency planning but it doesn't cause confidence. Being able to create those contingency plans is because of confidence that already exists. I'm able to take into account the likelihood of events, predictable behavior, situations and anticipate. Oh I will dig as far as I possibly can because I'm not being defeated but if I was, I would find a way to make it right for myself.
    Consider how insecurity is the opposite of confidence. Insecurity is also the source of the need to control.

    I wouldn't go so far as to state that people should be happy to accept defeat, rather simply accepting that some things are out of their control and knowing (having the confidence that) they're resilient enough to bounce back. This is the risk/return model.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Array tinker683's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    9w1 sx/sp


    Confidence is something I had rediscover for myself. For me it's about a few things

    1) Knowing and accepting that you are a human being and that you have inherit worth and value
    2) Knowing and accepting that nobody has the right to treat you disrespectfully and if they do, it is perfectly good and acceptable to stand up for yourself
    3) It's about knowing your limits, pushing yourself to do the best you can, but acknowledging that your best is the most you can do and that some things are simply beyond you control (i.e. the Serenity Pray)
    4) Finally, for me, it's about knowing that while I can't control what life throws at me, I CAN control how I react to these things

    These 4 ideas are what give me the confidence I have today. If I'm trying something new or something I'm unfamiliar with, I put my best foot forward and do my best. It may not be adequate, but I can sleep that night knowing that I at least tried and thats more than most can say.
    "There is no such thing as spare time, no such thing as down time, no such thing as free time, there is only life time. Go."
    ― Henry Rollins

Similar Threads

  1. Confidence
    By SilkRoad in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 07-21-2011, 11:51 PM
  2. [NT] NT confidence
    By skylights in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 09-23-2010, 10:36 AM
  3. Confidence
    By King sns in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 01-14-2010, 01:45 PM
  4. Confidence
    By ygolo in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 03-08-2008, 09:47 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts