How to like oneself?

[Qre:us]

[MENTION=825]ygolo[/MENTION] Liking oneself can be a hazy or broad concept. I'm sure you can list particular things that you like about yourself? And reasons why you like those things about yourself?

 

[prplchknz]

Zoloft I've heard is fantastic.

zoloft sucks

 

[Lady_X]

zoloft sucks

Guess it depends on the issue. I know a couple people that said it changed their life.

 

[Glycerine]

Someone once told me that if you can learn to accept others' frailties and weaknesses, then it's easier to accept ourselves regardless of our own flaws. I am trying it on for size.

 

[Galena]

[MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION]: I think most people understand that we can't be perfect or godlike, so in a lot of cases of self-rejection, the hubris runs laterally rather than vertically. That is, one doesn't want to be somebody sublime so much as to be a mortal other than themselves. "I can be perfect" vs "I can be anyone I want to be". Contrary to what children's television told us, there's a distinct and finitely flexible limit to each person's capabilities set by a number of natural and nurtural things like personality, physical build, etc. The self-hate happens when you think you must be something outside of your unique bounds, whether it's higher or equal but simply too distant.

I can't fathom your behavior question. I simply won't behave in a fundamental way I don't respect. I suppose if I ever did under circumstances of extreme duress I may lose respect for myself, but then I would go about making amends/getting back to normal once I could address whatever circusmstances caused the behavior in the first place.

My @ to Amargith is a lynchpin that can change all of this. The moment your definition of "respectable" exits your personal range of capabilities, it becomes impossible to do anything you can respect, including moral amendments. One's behavior need not change at all from what it was before the bar was raised (though, unhelpfully, it probably will out of emotional fatigue). The picture changed because the observer moved, not the observed.

The question is what pushed the observer of oneself into this unrealistic stance. You ask it yourself in response to ygolo.

I realize my initial question was oriented toward behavioral choices in the eyes of values that stay solid, like your reply, so I'm not saying your reply wasn't apt in light of the original perspective. It was.

I think it's hard to change your true nature, but if you clealy don't respect a certain behavior, even if you behaved that way a time or two, it should be easy to stop this behavior. Otherwise I would question whether you truly believe said behavior is so dispicable.

The loss of ability to forgive oneself, as detailed above, can demotivate on this front and lead to addiction. Keep doing it, you suck; stop, you still suck. But other factors like mental illness, fear, threat of hardship to yourself or someone under your care, and the mere strength of human habit can make it a challenge to change one's ways, too. Behavior often lags behind mental epiphany and changes in philosophy. See: self-help industry.

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.”
― Maya Angelou

Personal values rarely are the only forces on our behavior. Even when we consciously think they are, they may not be. I think that is something to aspire to, though. To try one's best to distill their decisions down to rational self-direction uncorrupted by instinctual/emotional/chemical baggage, especially when it isn't easy.

I like how solid your source of confidence is. Your post is an explicit summary of what I admire in a lot of Ji doms around here, but also cool without reference to typology.

 

[WhoCares]

How do you learn to like yourself?

Thoughts?

Practical advice?

Simple, stop hating yourself.

 

[ygolo]

The unexamined life is not worth living.

Indeed.

[MENTION=825]ygolo[/MENTION] Liking oneself can be a hazy or broad concept. I'm sure you can list particular things that you like about yourself? And reasons why you like those things about yourself?

I thought this would be easier than it seems to be. I have a hard enough time thinking of particular things about myself, let alone whether or not I like them. When I think of a trait, I wonder if that a trait of me or not, because it is not a permanent thing about me. I have a wide range of behaviors, so I am not sure how to characterize myself.

To be honest, while I am on this forum (or vent), I am likely in a dark place. That is partly why I come here. I know that sounds awful. But I started learning about personality and psychology during a dark part of my life. That is why I associate this forum, at least blogging on here, with a sort of coping mechanism for troubles. If everything is going fine, you probably would not see me posting often, because I would instead be doing other things. My traits on here are quite different from general.

Someone once told me that if you can learn to accept others' frailties and weaknesses, then it's easier to accept ourselves regardless of our own flaws. I am trying it on for size.

I accept others, and myself. Acceptance is not the problem for me, it is a feeling of regarding myself with approval that I have a problem with.

I don't hate myself. But I do not like myself in the sense that I don't approve of who I am going forward. But I accept that I am who I am at this moment.

Weird

 

[Hypatia]

What if people just aren't that likeable?

 

[ygolo]

What if people just aren't that likeable?

Yes. What if, then?

 

[prplchknz]

The truth is that you hate me because I stand in the way of your wish to harm others. And I stand in your way of recruiting others to harm others.

amen brotha!

 

[Noll]

Impossible I say! Yet sometimes too possible. Ahh, I'm not contributing, sorry!

 

[ygolo]

Impossible I say! Yet sometimes too possible. Ahh, I'm not contributing, sorry!

Huh?

 

[AzulEyes]

-God created me so I need to be grateful for the gift of life, not hate on it
-Inspiring others / helping others gives me a chance to make a difference in the world- which is likeable

 

[danseen]

Itemise your good points.

Idenify your bad points.

Strengthen the good and work on and/or accept the bad.

And don't give a shit about what others think of you.

 

[danseen]

Itemise your good points.

Idenify your bad points.

Strengthen the good and work on and/or accept the bad.

And don't give a shit about what others think of you.

 

[CheshireCat]

Take the time to appreciate yourself from someone else's perspective; Acknowledge the value and enrichment you bring to others. I get so stuck in my head sometimes that this really helps me.

 

[FDG]

Accept that you can't do much to change yourself?

 

[ygolo]

Accept that you can't do much to change yourself?

Is this really true?

 

[FDG]

Is this really true?

I don't know if it's true, but it may be a way to answer your question.

 

[Eruca]

I havn't read the rest of this thread so I'm sorry if I'm repeating advise stated prior.

What I've found significantly helps:
1. Find sympathy for others in yourself
Once you find sympathy for others (or rather once you become the sort who doesn't judge, belittle or become angry at others) you'll find it much easier to do so with yourself. You don't have to delude yourself in order to interpret others and yourself in this way. Once you are willing to understand why people are the way they are its easy to find a real excuse for their limitations/actions. It must be emphasized you aren't turning negatives into positives. The goal is merely to understand fully each occurrence at hand with a good will. Sympathy should follow.

2. Be humble, or rather, be realistic
It is very easy for an intelligent mind to perceive their lack and thrash against it, causing self-dislike. If someone has a clear and extensive list of their own limitation, and a tendency to remind themselves of said limitations often, of course they won't like themselves. The key is to be realistic; though many people would call this being humble. We lie to ourselves all the time, and are encouraged to do so. Remind yourself of the humble truths; you are only human and as such are exceptionally limited in compassion, intellect, memory, foresight, wisdom, lack of body odour, confidence and impartiality compared to the actual total possession of these traits (as held by a God, though I do not believe in one). Note Einstein:
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
I'm sure he included himself in said stupidity.

3. Never determine your value by comparing yourself to others
If you compare yourself to another and find yourself superior, you might well oscillate between arrogance and guilt over feeling superior. Also, you may limit your own growth by setting the bar too low. "I am already the best."
If you compare yourself to another and find yourself inferior, you bring unhelpful motivations into your actions. One is at risk of losing track of more personal goals in the general pursuit of status. It is nothing but a waste of time to try to be someone else's best. Take inspiration and guidance through comparison, but do not make value judgments from such comparisons!