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  1. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    The very question, "How to like oneself?", shows that one is alienated from oneself, that is, one is separate from oneself, that is, we are a divided self.

    It is only a divided self that can ask the question, "How to like oneself?".

    It is only someone completely alienated from oneself that can even ask the question.

    So the question is not, "How to like oneself?", but the question is, "How to be oneself?".
    Then what is the answer to that question?

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  2. #22
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    it just seems so cruel not to.

    i have never had to try to like my mother, father, sisters or kids....or myself. like ever. those people are a part of me...and i them... it's this completely sacred thing that would make angels weep and lil fairies turn to dust if i ever felt anything but love for them.

    i don't know how to live in a world where i could be so cruel as to not have love for myself or any part of my foundation.

    which in no way means i think any of us are perfect....but perfection has nothing to do with it.
    (I didn't see this before ha ha)

    My personal belief is that it is essential...even though I dont' have much evidence to back that up (left brain fail)

    I don't think many people are exposed to that kind of foundation. I know I wasn't. I had to find this out on my own.

    ***

    I know I also read a study that was done where they had a bunch of kids come together and play. (not that I can find the source )

    When the kids started to fight and the adults intervened, the problems kept recurring. However when the kids were left alone to figure it out amongst themselves (supervised of course), more resolutions were made.

    I just though that was interesting.

  3. #23
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    Then what is the answer to that question?
    Good question.

    And the answer lies in, "What is being?".

    And found in, "Being and Time", by Martin Heidegger.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qrious View Post
    I like this a lot. How to be one with one's own self.
    Rather than being with one self, we become ourself.

    So we start with the dance, and as we surrender to the dance, the dancer becomes the dance, and in the same way, we become ourself.

  5. #25
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    stop caring what others think. works for me

  6. #26
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    You start by asking yourself why it is that you are so forgiving of others and their flaws, and so harsh on yourself. Really. Check yourself and the unreasonable standard you expect yourself to live up to. Part of it is hubris 'I can be perfect/God' and part of it is self-flagellation due to the messages we get as we go through life 'I *have* to be perfect not to disappoint others.'

    You do not have to do anything. You're human. To be human, is to fail. In fact, you cannot improve without it. And it is hard to accept that you are always going to be imperfect. That you fit the description of your current definition of 'failure' or even 'evil'. It's time to toss those old beliefs as to what you should and shouldn't be out as well as those old definitions.

    You're a wonderful human being, with strengths and weaknesses, eager to learn and with his heart in a good place. And that's all you'll ever have to be. Be happy with who you are right now, with what you re learning, experiencing. Remember what it was like to be a child and just be, without worrying or being self-conscious. It is the most fruitful state to be in when facing life and learning how to cope with it, and even celebrate it.

    And all those people who would put you down, tell you how imperfect you are...smile at them. And feel compassion for them. Coz they are just projecting their own fears, imperfections and self hate onto you. They too are just trying to find their way through this life and figure out how to live with themselves. They too are imperfect, and human, and erring.

    Concretely, what you re doing is going to help a lot already. Get more reality checks, gain more perspectives, *BELIEVE* the people who tell you what good they see in you and try to see things from their pov. Kill that inner Judge. Get mad at how much you're causing yourself to be in pain, all because of that oppressive son of a bitch in your head. And decide from now on to be your own judge. Not from external perceptions, from preconceived prejudice that you've been taught and now hold as your own beliefs, but take the time to deconstruct those beliefs and figure out which ones are *truly* valuable to you and chuck out the rest without mercy. It is time to clear out the clutter and pain in your emotional house. It is time to stop fighting yourself. It is time to be free. And yes, it will cost energy, blood, sweat and tears. But it's worth it
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  7. #27
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    Rather than being with one self, we become ourself.

    So we start with the dance, and as we surrender to the dance, the dancer becomes the dance, and in the same way, we become ourself.
    At one time I thought this was the answer, and it is part of it. But in being yourself you find there will always be that in you that regards itself, and that thing needs guidance.

    I found compassion to be the key. Find it in yourself in regards to someone you love and then realize how illogical it is to withhold it from yourself.

  8. #28
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    At one time I thought this was the answer, and it is part of it. But in being yourself you find there will always be that in you that regards itself, and that thing needs guidance.

    I found compassion to be the key. Find it in yourself in regards to someone you love and then realize how illogical it is to withhold it from yourself.
    It is scary to become oneself for we are left without our psychological defences and are open to the world.

    Far better to hide behind our psychological defences in the name of love.

  9. #29
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    1. Imagine a self that you would want to be, rich, powerful, popular, anything you'd want to be
    2. Try to become that ideal self
    3. fail horribly
    4. learn valuable lessons along the way, such as you are the best there is at being you and you can't be anything else better than what you already are.
    {The Diplomat}
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  10. #30
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    1. Learn to know how/who you are (the good, the bad and all in between)
    2. Aprrove your qualities as they are
    3. Focus on good sides of yourself and
    3. Improve yourself if you want in areas where improvement is possible

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