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  1. #1
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Default Social Intelligence

    What is it really? Does it actually exist? A lot of people claim to have it, yet they seem to hurt other people's feelings without even realizing it or intending to. If it doesn't help with this, what good is it for? Is social intelligence nothing more than not seeming odd or off-putting? Or is there more to it?

    I've heard a lot about it, but no one has told me exactly what it is or how it works. Does having lots of friends = social intelligence? But what if someone only wants a few friends? Are they less socially intelligent?
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  2. #2
    Stansmith
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    For me it's about perceptiveness; knowing when something needs to be said, and when it doesn't, and being confident when you do say something. Also knowing when to just drop something. Then you have general body language; posture, eye contact, etc.

    I find some combination of developed Fe/Te and N can make for exceptional social skills or "charm".

  3. #3
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    What is it really? Does it actually exist? A lot of people claim to have it, yet they seem to hurt other people's feelings without even realizing it or intending to. If it doesn't help with this, what good is it for? Is social intelligence nothing more than not seeming odd or off-putting? Or is there more to it?

    I've heard a lot about it, but no one has told me exactly what it is or how it works. Does having lots of friends = social intelligence? But what if someone only wants a few friends? Are they less socially intelligent?
    Thank you for asking this. Is what you call "social intelligence" the same thing as "emotional intelligence"? I find that discussions fallinginto either category are far too ambiguous to be useful, even if the people promoting these abilities are well-meaning and ultimately correct. I will read the replies with interest.
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  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    What is it really? Does it actually exist? A lot of people claim to have it, yet they seem to hurt other people's feelings without even realizing it or intending to. If it doesn't help with this, what good is it for? Is social intelligence nothing more than not seeming odd or off-putting? Or is there more to it?

    I've heard a lot about it, but no one has told me exactly what it is or how it works. Does having lots of friends = social intelligence? But what if someone only wants a few friends? Are they less socially intelligent?
    Social intelligence... Seem to be and inherent understanding and ability to apply a mix of social experience(ability to handle yourself with confidence, project a solid image and take different paths to understanding/connecting with another) perceptiveness concerning anothers general disposition towards whatever (general disposition is influenced by personality/religion/culture/mood/etc) and using known or gathered(through conversation or body language) information to build an image of what the person is like inside so that you can then communicate with them with a higher chance of...uhhhh..success? From that I'd have to guess strong social intelligence is like having a knack for it. Its like any kind of intelligence in that we all have some. Some are just better at it. I don't understand where your question "does it actually exist?" comes from.
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  5. #5
    Member Capsaicin's Avatar
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    I think it would boil down to people skills and separate things like empathy and sympathy. People skills would be about your ability to converse, put others at ease, read and intuit signals, and make use of humans' social wiring. Things like empathy and sympathy more concerned with the feelings and experiences of others.

    Then, of course, we have different kinds of empathy...

  6. #6
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Shouldn't someone who is socially intelligent be equally good at understanding people who are very different from themselves? Yet, I see people who think of themselves "socially intelligent" doing a piss poor job of this. Getting along with your friends or your subculture shouldn't be thought of as social intelligence at all. Perhaps something called social intelligence exists, but I think people mistake this for "having lots of friends.'"

    At times I think what is commonly thought of as social intelligence depends on the extent to which everyone else around you is like you. That's not a cause for disdain, but I'm not sure that counts as intelligence.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


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  7. #7
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I think it's probably as complex a subject and measurement as "intelligence" itself. In cognitive functions we can identify certain social strengths unique to Fi/intrapersonal and Fe/interpersonal perspectives... that's two divisions... and then there are things like sympathy, empathy, reading others' cues, group-group interaction, group-individual interaction, individual-individual interaction, and so on.

    I wouldn't be inclined to say that people with many friends are necessarily particularly socially intelligent, though certainly somehow they excelled at making interpersonal connections.

    To be honest I sort of think it's such a vague and enormous umbrella construct that it's generally not useful.

    Tangentially, IRL, my mom always used the term "people person" to indicate someone who is socially perceptive and fluid and interested in people, and people generally seem to quickly understand what I mean when I say, "he's really not a people person".

  8. #8
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think it's probably as complex a subject and measurement as "intelligence" itself. In cognitive functions we can identify certain social strengths unique to Fi/intrapersonal and Fe/interpersonal perspectives... that's two divisions... and then there are things like sympathy, empathy, reading others' cues, group-group interaction, group-individual interaction, individual-individual interaction, and so on.

    I wouldn't be inclined to say that people with many friends are necessarily particularly socially intelligent, though certainly somehow they excelled at making interpersonal connections.

    To be honest I sort of think it's such a vague and enormous umbrella construct that it's generally not useful.

    Tangentially, IRL, my mom always used the term "people person" to indicate someone who is socially perceptive and fluid and interested in people, and people generally seem to quickly understand what I mean when I say, "he's really not a people person".
    I don't have an extraordinary number of friends, and I think (although, I'm not sure) that most people consider me to be pretty socially astute even if I'm not especially emotionally astute. So, I think you're right; Is don't always try to be friends with people even if it's an option to be. I have pretty deep relationships with a few people, though, and I put a ton of attention into those relationships.
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  9. #9
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    I don't have an extraordinary number of friends, and I think (although, I'm not sure) that most people consider me to be pretty socially astute even if I'm not especially emotionally astute. So, I think you're right; Is don't always try to be friends with people even if it's an option to be. I have pretty deep relationships with a few people, though, and I put a ton of attention into those relationships.
    Myself as well. I really only have maybe 10ish people I really feel friends/more with but a huge amount of my energy goes into those relationships. I want to be close friends with more people than that but I haven't found enough people I really connect with deeply enough to be like that with them, and even if I did, I'm not even sure I'd really have the time.

    I, too, feel like my interpersonal/social intelligence is probably actually better than my intrapersonal/emotional intelligence, which I suspect is fairly odd for an FP.

  10. #10
    Glycerine
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    1. Diplomacy- being able to read the context and people in order to figure out what strategy works best to get a goal accomplished (for self and/or others). Skilled diplomacy is not about being a doormat or passive-aggressiveness.

    2. Being a skilled listener/observer- being able to discern what others are saying/thinking (regardless of opposing viewpoints) and body language accurately.

    3. Adaptability- knowing what a situation calls for.

    Master manipulators and persuaders also have high levels of "social intelligence" or more specifically, Machiavellian intelligence.

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