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  1. #21
    eye of the storm magpie's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you've been through all that, OP. I think lots of people assume that they are not causing suffering when they are. I think lots of bully types might be surprised to hear that others consider them bullies.
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  2. #22
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    The reverse of empathy maybe? Instead of seeing another's position you see them only as an external object onto which you can project your own failings and feel more secure, unknowingly protecting yourself by the ignorant relief that at least you aren't that person.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.
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  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cellmold View Post
    The reverse of empathy maybe? Instead of seeing another's position you see them only as an external object onto which you can project your own failings and feel more secure, unknowingly protecting yourself by the ignorant relief that at least you aren't that person.
    I agree that it has to do with empathy, but I wouldn't say it's projection. I think some people want others to suffer as a way to make others feel what they feel. So essentially it's a way of forcing others to empathize with you.

    "Now do you see? Now you feel my pain. Now you understand."

    At least, that's how I am when I'm in that mode. *edit* Not that I bully people, but you get the idea.
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  4. #24
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hijynx View Post
    I agree that it has to do with empathy, but I wouldn't say it's projection. I think some people want others to suffer as a way to make others feel what they feel. So essentially it's a way of forcing others to empathize with you.

    "Now do you see? Now you feel my pain. Now you understand."

    At least, that's how I am when I'm in that mode.
    This can even happen subconsciously. I would venture to say that any harm a person causes, they had to learn by experience or observation. I don't think the most harmful people were hurt the most, but they did have to learn the behavior. I've come to think that if you want to know how other people feel, just notice how they make you feel. This is especially true when the behavior doesn't make any sense in the current situation.

    I was once close to someone who was very angry at their father, and didn't realize that they were hurting me/others in the exact way their father had hurt them. He would say beautiful, wonderful things, but his actions were completely self-absorbed and entitled. I had a chance to have conversions with the person's father and he was exactly the same way. That was a completely unconscious connection for that person. It is a good way to increase self awareness - to learn how we hurt others and try to relate that to how we have been hurt.

    I have one I do myself. I've been hurt by neglect and disregard, and I have caught myself becoming distant with people I care about. It's hard to correct it every time I do it, but there is definitely an unconscious connection with reenacting how I've been hurt. For myself, I think it feels like regaining balance or control over the original feelings of neglect. Now it's just something we all do. It feels less personal. I suppose that could also motivate bullying, aggressive behaviors?

    Edit: I should add that this thread is awesome. It is really cool to see so many people with very high emotional intelligence. All the responses are spot on, kind, and deep.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.
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  5. #25
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    People's brain get pleasure when they see the misfortune of others.

  6. #26
    corona Hawthorne's Avatar
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    Referring to OP,

    The bullies? Distraction from their own?
    The bystanders? Preservation of their peace?

    Death, taxes, and miseries the saying should go. Everybody is coping with something.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    I do not agree that "we" enjoy watching the suffering of others. I am aggressive as hell when I see that type of shit go down, IRL. Years ago, there was a thread about a girl, or a woman, who was attacked and people did nothing. Total apathy. I cannot understand that type of behavior. Worse still, would be people who found it amusing.
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  8. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    I do not agree that "we" enjoy watching the suffering of others. I am aggressive as hell when I see that type of shit go down, IRL. Years ago, there was a thread about a girl, or a woman, who was attacked and people did nothing. Total apathy. I cannot understand that type of behavior. Worse still, would be people who found it amusing.
    Well said.

  9. #29
    deplorable basketcase Tellenbach's Avatar
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    Some of it is social conformity or herd behavior; some are sociopaths; some are evil bastards; some are cowards too chicken to stand up for what they believe.
    Senator Rand Paul is alive because of modern medicine and because his attacker punches like a girl.
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  10. #30
    Senior Member Hitoshi-San's Avatar
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    Because it makes us feel better about ourselves. If one is at the point where they cannot take care of themselves and have been fucked up so bad they can't even care for others, they might as well have to see someone else go through what they have just so they know it isn't them that'll have to get hurt, at least not this time around.

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