It’s not a matter of whether or not I’d ‘choose’ to have sex with a woman I developed romantic feelings for- I’m trying to explain that romantic feelings for women just don’t happen for me. I can find female friends enthralling, get mentally or emotionally excited (in a positive way) around them directly because of them and our interaction and yet still feel absolutely no urge to do things naked with them; but I do get that latter feeling sometimes for the same kind of interaction with males. Romantic love does not necessarily follow wherever there are feelings of love and/or appreciation. It seems like maybe it does for you, and it seems like you’re insisting that it would for everyone if they were more honest with themselves? At least it sounds to me like that’s what you’re arguing. I guess it’s totally available for you to insist it’s because I’ve ‘chosen’ a preference and “closed the door” to anything else- that I would develop romantic love for women if I chose to- but I’m telling you that would be just be another version of someone ‘forcing’ an orientation on themselves that doesn’t belong there. If it were really that easy to choose and everyone had the capacity to have romantic feelings towards either sex or gender, there’d be *a lot* of people who would choose not to be gay.
As a more tangible comparison: I love chocolate. If there’s chocolate* in my vicinity, I have a hard time disciplining myself not have any because I truly enjoy the experience of eating it. There’s nothing forced about it, it’s just a truly organic preference I have. If it’s there, I’ll feel distracted with the feeling of wanting it. On the other hand- something I have absolutely no organic appetite for is sauerkraut. There can be a pile of sauerkraut in front of me and no matter how it’s made I’ll feel no appetite for it. No matter how hungry I am- I can be wholly distracted by feelings of hunger- yet I will not be tempted to eat the sauerkraut. It isn't because I've “closed the door” to it, it’s simply because it does not organically appeal to me. In fact, I’ll often lose my appetite from the smell of it.
*To make this more directly understandable to the INFPs, this analogy also works with pudding.