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Thread: what is home?

  1. #1
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Default what is home?

    I don't go back to my hometown very often, mostly for holidays and birthdays and that's it. It's not like I moved cross country or anything, I grew up a little over an hour from where I live now. It's not like I don't like my family- they all have a great sense of humor and every single one of them can cook. I like my parents' property as well... it's all forest, wetlands and prairie which they've put a lot of work in on and it's quite lovely... I just feel really uncomfortable going back to my hometown and home county because it's as depressing as fuck

    I grew up outside of a small town in a farming community... most people who had good jobs had jobs at the auto factories in the area which went the way of most auto factories in the midwest... away. You can SEE the poverty when you go through town... houses boarded up with abandoned cars in the front lawn, house trailers with broken foundations, about half of the handful of businesses that were there closing for lack of business... and almost worse you have the people who have been in that situation for many more years, since the family farming era collapsed... farmsteads with barns in dire need of a new roof, farmhouses with plastic over the windows because heating is expensive and new windows are not in the budget, tractors left over from the '60s that are kept running on good repair... the effort that's put in to maintain what little is left makes my skin crawl in a way

    Occasionally I'll stop by a local business over the holidays- picking up a forgotten item at the last minute or putting gas in the car- I'll run across someone I went to high school with, someone who had seemed bright, like they had a future and they're ringing up my fucking groceries... they got stuck in the event horizon of the town, unwilling to leave those and that which they know... they make small talk and I feel awkward because I DID get away and haven't really kept in touch with anyone... the worst is when I get asked about "life in the big city"... I don't feel like I fit... but then again, I never did

    I guess it just makes me question the meaning of home a bit with the holidays and travel coming up... is your home where you're from or where you made it? what is home? are roots important and should they be maintained or can you move on? does anyone else feel incredibly uncomfortable in their hometown?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #2
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I guess it just makes me question the meaning of home a bit with the holidays and travel coming up... is your home where you're from or where you made it? what is home? are roots important and should they be maintained or can you move on? does anyone else feel incredibly uncomfortable in their hometown?
    I was thinking about this today actually. I know for myself home isn't where I was raised or where I had formative experiences, the place I grew up doesn't make me uncomfortable, but I feel pretty much a 'nothing' for it. Home to me is.. where I like the feeling of being there and I made that for myself where I am at now.. for now. *smile* It may change again, who knows?
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

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    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    @Lux... funny how the holidays make you think

    somehow after writing that I got the frost quotes about home stuck in my head... is it the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in? is it the place you don't have to deserve? is it something else?

    I guess I've never really felt a sense of belonging in any one location... I've always felt most at home on the move in a way... I'm more comfortable wandering the streets than in a stationary place. I like our house because it gives me a set of walls to protect me from the world when I need a chance to rest, but do I feel some sort of deep connection? have I ever?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    I like to think that everyone can have a home, whether they by a rule have to deserve it or not. I really think home is an internal feeling. It's so subjective, and therefore new and always lovely.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

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    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    I'm at home on many pieces of ground around the country. I must be comfortable in a place to call it home, I must be confident in my supremacy over what occurs within the boundaries of my homes at the times I am there. Home is where my body rests, my mind can shut down.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


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    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    that's a happy thought

    I kind of have to wonder whether home can be more of a sense than a place, which I think you've mentioned... I feel at home in certain actions and with certain people, sometimes even strangers... and there's always the thoughts that one feels at home with, the ones that you ponder and dwell on almost like they're your friends in a way... I suppose home doesn't have to be a place. I've felt just as at home sitting beside the man on the balcony in another country and reading as I have in our house of 4 years... or talking to a stranger on the phone while in a strange city after midnight just because it was necessary to get a little understanding... I guess you're right, in a way it is internal
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    @LEGERdeMAIN... so your lair!

    and that makes sense as well...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    I equate home with comfort and warmth.. with acceptance and security, with those intact, I can make a home.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

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    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    the man seems to have a very location based sense of home... if he's away he wants nothing more than to get back to his house, his cats and his people, and once he's here he's content with life... my mother is the same way. I guess that's always confused me in a way... the thought that home is a place or is it not?

    I have trouble feeling a real sense of belonging and relaxation almost anywhere... bad habit of always having my guard at least slightly up and a tendency to watch and listen to everything going on like a guard dog. There are places and people though, that if I go there, will let me be me instead of wanting for me to be something else (and I'll have to oblige them... flip the switch and be the other version of myself)... that's a nice feeling in a way
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    When I go back for holidays to the place where I grew up (an ocean and a continent away) I tell people I'm going home to visit my family. And when I'm there, I talk about the place I now live as "home."

    Sounds wonderful, as though I have many homes. Unfortunately, I'm getting older and wondering if I have a real home at all. Moving away is very good for you in some ways and totally messes you up in others.
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