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  1. #1
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Default Talking about Changes

    What do you think? When people are making it a point to talk about changes they wish to make in their lives, they are trying to convince themselves?

    I guess I have had several experiences in my life where people have been like "this time, I'm really going to change, I'm really going to get my life together" and maybe they are better for a day or a week or couple weeks but then revert back to old habits. I feel like this would happen with my mom a lot. Since I was a teenager I have memories of her saying that kind of thing. Same with my friend I was posting about in another thread about the abusive relationship.

    Seems like when people actually end up making changes in their lives it is a much longer process, and there's no "okay this is the moment that I am really going to change" where they announce it.

    Like, I could set a New Years resolution for myself, but that doesn't mean I will change my habits or behaviors. It's almost like I just start doing it, then doing it some more, and more, and then I realize, it is a new lifestyle, realize, this is really what I must value, if I'm dedicating so much time/effort to it.

    This post is a little all over the place perhaps. I guess I am wondering... what causes people to change?

    I am not sure if it is free will or not, because people make goals all the time or say they are going to change all the time and never end up going anywhere with it. Or maybe it is free will at the deepest level or something. I am remembering something else now too, about letting go of baggage and self-judgement in order to change.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  2. #2
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    being brought face to face with an incompatibility in the current way you do something, or believe, and a new reality. Resulting in an awakening consciousness that was not what you knew before. This perhaps acts as a light at the end of a long, or short, tunnel that you cannot help but go toward. To get to that light, you cannot help but change along the way, because your old behaviors will only keep you in the old place. But the change was unforeseen. The primary substance was the thought consciousness that you would really rather be/need to be/are, in the new realm mentally and spiritually, you just need to be there physically. Free will might have very little to do with it. But free will could definitely hinder it.



    Just some random thoughts about it.
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  3. #3
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    changing something that's a major part of oneself is HARD... it's almost like the stages of grief and once you hit bargaining that's where most people just give up... the devil on your shoulder is a convincing motherfucker and if you listen to him you're screwed... "just this one time, it won't hurt... you're doing so well that it proves that you don't have a problem... it's a special occasion and you've GOT to celebrate... you've earned it, so go for it... you'll be ok"
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #4
    Ginkgo
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    Things start to differ when our attitudes differ. We want our environment to change, but the solution is satisfaction. When we see change as a future development, it is already impossible. We progress when we are satisfied taking a single step in a desired direction, rather than hoping to achieve a long-term goal immediately. Charting incremental points of progress helps, but it's useless unless we are truly willing to travel the infinite in between. That is to say, change never comes unless we can make it part of our lives for the rest of our lives. Anything else is more or less a display.

  5. #5
    I'm not Trunks
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    I don't want to change myself even if it for someone else. I'm a bit slow to changes anyway..

  6. #6
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    Things start to differ when our attitudes differ. We want our environment to change, but the solution is satisfaction. When we see change as a future development, it is already impossible. We progress when we are satisfied taking a single step in a desired direction, rather than hoping to achieve a long-term goal immediately. Charting incremental points of progress helps, but it's useless unless we are truly willing to travel the infinite in between. That is to say, change never comes unless we can make it part of our lives for the rest of our lives. Anything else is more or less a display.
    Yeah, this is a circuitous way (as mine was) of saying the obvious changes that are visible are just the byproduct. The real change happened prior to that, when something Divine beckoned you forth and you had a shift in your mentality which led to an eventual consciousness of where you wanted to go. Because the Light is always good and preferential, it always brings about change because it is worth any annihilation of ego you have to undergo to achieve it.


    sorry for that. it just came out.


    EDIT: Usually change for me happens because of love. For example, my third son used to have ADHD with impulsivity. I had a baby when it started to really manifest in this son, who was a toddler at the time. I KNEW I needed more patience to deal with my daily life but I have always lacked patience, and I have a hot temper to boot. Both of which are not good when dealing with that sort of situation. I think the turning point for me in knowing I had to change was when I inadvertantly, but directly, killed a kitten we had at the time because I really could not deal with another thing. I started practicing behaviors that were condusive to being more patient and I learned skills (self taught mostly) that really worked for me. Over time, I became more patient and really gained in parenting skills, because so much about parenting (most perhaps) involves patience.

    If you like economic theory, it's that the benefit of change outweighs the cost of not changing. Obvious, but true.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    What do you think? When people are making it a point to talk about changes they wish to make in their lives, they are trying to convince themselves?

    I guess I have had several experiences in my life where people have been like "this time, I'm really going to change, I'm really going to get my life together" and maybe they are better for a day or a week or couple weeks but then revert back to old habits. I feel like this would happen with my mom a lot. Since I was a teenager I have memories of her saying that kind of thing. Same with my friend I was posting about in another thread about the abusive relationship.

    Seems like when people actually end up making changes in their lives it is a much longer process, and there's no "okay this is the moment that I am really going to change" where they announce it.

    Like, I could set a New Years resolution for myself, but that doesn't mean I will change my habits or behaviors. It's almost like I just start doing it, then doing it some more, and more, and then I realize, it is a new lifestyle, realize, this is really what I must value, if I'm dedicating so much time/effort to it.

    This post is a little all over the place perhaps. I guess I am wondering... what causes people to change?

    I am not sure if it is free will or not, because people make goals all the time or say they are going to change all the time and never end up going anywhere with it. Or maybe it is free will at the deepest level or something. I am remembering something else now too, about letting go of baggage and self-judgement in order to change.
    Change is a multi-step process.

    I read a self-help book called “Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life,” by Julie Morgenstern. By “stuff,” she meant anything from clutter to bad habits to bad relationships. And she made the point that when it comes time to shed your “stuff,” you need to figure out why you needed that “stuff” in the first place, and then figure out what you want to replace it with (i.e., presumably newer, healthier “stuff”). Otherwise, there is a good chance you will just fall back into old habits or find other habits that are just as bad.

    IOW, it’s not enough to clear out the old stuff and suddenly have a lot of free time and free space in your life. If you haven’t figured out why you cluttered up your life with problems in the first place, then sooner or later you’ll probably clutter your life up again with other similar (or the same) problems.

  8. #8
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    Over time, you are going to do what the normal mind says you are going to do.

    Wanting to change alters the normal mind's path.

  9. #9
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    Over time, you are going to do what the normal mind says you are going to do.

    Wanting to change alters the normal mind's path.

  10. #10
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    what causes people to change?
    It takes three weeks to form a habit.

    Each day for three weeks we consciously carry out the new habit, and after three weeks the habit becomes second nature, and we don't have to think about it anymore.

    So the three weeks need to be consciously prepared for, and consciously planned for, and consciously carried out.

    It must be a full hearted effort for three weeks - and then we have a brand new habit.

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