User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 30

  1. #11
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    LIE
    Posts
    3,965

    Default

    if a person vocally repeats the "change" then its an affirmation that they really don't want to change. But if they say it once, and make small but consistent efforts towards the goal, then and only then do you have a winner in life.
    I N V I C T U S

  2. #12
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    What do you think? When people are making it a point to talk about changes they wish to make in their lives, they are trying to convince themselves?

    I guess I have had several experiences in my life where people have been like "this time, I'm really going to change, I'm really going to get my life together" and maybe they are better for a day or a week or couple weeks but then revert back to old habits. I feel like this would happen with my mom a lot. Since I was a teenager I have memories of her saying that kind of thing. Same with my friend I was posting about in another thread about the abusive relationship.

    Seems like when people actually end up making changes in their lives it is a much longer process, and there's no "okay this is the moment that I am really going to change" where they announce it.

    Like, I could set a New Years resolution for myself, but that doesn't mean I will change my habits or behaviors. It's almost like I just start doing it, then doing it some more, and more, and then I realize, it is a new lifestyle, realize, this is really what I must value, if I'm dedicating so much time/effort to it.

    This post is a little all over the place perhaps. I guess I am wondering... what causes people to change?

    I am not sure if it is free will or not, because people make goals all the time or say they are going to change all the time and never end up going anywhere with it. Or maybe it is free will at the deepest level or something. I am remembering something else now too, about letting go of baggage and self-judgement in order to change.
    I've wondered about this... Might even have posted a similar thread. What gets me is when people tell you they've already changed or are in the middle of the changes, and nothing of the kind turns out to be true, or they revert immediately.

    I think there's a point about wanting to convince yourself, and it's also true that if they talk about the changes all the time it's often not such a good sign - you have to just DO it ultimately.

    Someone pointed out to me that some people (type-wise, it's probably somewhat more of an ExxP thing, sort of thinking aloud, or generally an extrovert thing, but I don't think they have a monopoly by any means) do this "I've changed or am making changes, it's a done deal" thing to sort of...project the image of themselves that they want to achieve. Well, some may do it just to be manipulative, but I think for some people they find that saying it out loud is their way of sort of actualizing it and making it seem real. But it does not mean the changes will happen.

    You have to really want to, and then put it into practice and keep it up. I think that's what it comes down to. It's not easy particularly in certain circumstances. I think everyone has varying success in this area as in others, but some will talk about it forever and never actually do it.
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  3. #13
    likes this gromit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6,652

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    Things start to differ when our attitudes differ. We want our environment to change, but the solution is satisfaction. When we see change as a future development, it is already impossible. We progress when we are satisfied taking a single step in a desired direction, rather than hoping to achieve a long-term goal immediately. Charting incremental points of progress helps, but it's useless unless we are truly willing to travel the infinite in between. That is to say, change never comes unless we can make it part of our lives for the rest of our lives. Anything else is more or less a display.
    OMG yeah that is totally true. If it is just some abstract thing you are not going to go anywhere with it. The change starts to become real once you are motivated by doing the baby steps as much as you are by the ultimate goal, maybe even moreso.

    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    Yeah, this is a circuitous way (as mine was) of saying the obvious changes that are visible are just the byproduct. The real change happened prior to that, when something Divine beckoned you forth and you had a shift in your mentality which led to an eventual consciousness of where you wanted to go. Because the Light is always good and preferential, it always brings about change because it is worth any annihilation of ego you have to undergo to achieve it.
    Yeah a "change of heart," maybe we aren't even 100% aware of it ourselves when it happens, just when we start making those baby steps like @Ginkgo says.

    Usually change for me happens because of love. For example, my third son used to have ADHD with impulsivity. I had a baby when it started to really manifest in this son, who was a toddler at the time. I KNEW I needed more patience to deal with my daily life but I have always lacked patience, and I have a hot temper to boot. Both of which are not good when dealing with that sort of situation. I think the turning point for me in knowing I had to change was when I inadvertantly, but directly, killed a kitten we had at the time because I really could not deal with another thing. I started practicing behaviors that were condusive to being more patient and I learned skills (self taught mostly) that really worked for me. Over time, I became more patient and really gained in parenting skills, because so much about parenting (most perhaps) involves patience.

    If you like economic theory, it's that the benefit of change outweighs the cost of not changing. Obvious, but true.
    Like a startling wake up call of what will happen if you continue down your current path without making any changes...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  4. #14
    likes this gromit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6,652

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    It takes three weeks to form a habit.

    Each day for three weeks we consciously carry out the new habit, and after three weeks the habit becomes second nature, and we don't have to think about it anymore.

    So the three weeks need to be consciously prepared for, and consciously planned for, and consciously carried out.

    It must be a full hearted effort for three weeks - and then we have a brand new habit.
    This is probably true, but not what I'm asking about. I'm wondering, what is it that causes some people to actually stick with it for three weeks, and others to give up after four days or whatever. And besides, some changes are more than just a simple habit, like trying to remember to floss your teeth twice a day or something. Like with my mom.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  5. #15

    Default

    I've read that talking about changes has a different effect on motivation depending on your temperament. For some people saying it increases commitment, for others the feedback they get is reward in itself and takes away from follow through. I think overall I am the latter and that it is the better way for me to approach things.

  6. #16
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    18,529
    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    This is probably true, but not what I'm asking about. I'm wondering, what is it that causes some people to actually stick with it for three weeks, and others to give up after four days or whatever. And besides, some changes are more than just a simple habit, like trying to remember to floss your teeth twice a day or something. Like with my mom.
    Most of us don't know we are only three weeks away from a new habit or a successful change.

    However we need to focus on one change at a time.

    So we must consciously focus each day for three weeks, then our unconscious takes over and we have a successful change.

    However we live in a society of instant gratification, with so many distractions, many of us are driven to ADHD.

    So men and women of self discipline are rare and so most give up after four days, if only they knew they had only seventeen days to go before success.

  7. #17
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    MBTI
    estj
    Enneagram
    378 sx/so
    Socionics
    esfp
    Posts
    3,038

    Default

    At some point you just have to be real with yourself about what you really want and take a leap of faith (with proper planning of course). They say you will not be successful unless you're happy with your life on a consistent basis. I definitely believe this is true. It's about finding out what's going to motivate YOU to get your ass into gear EVERY day.
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  8. #18
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    18,529

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by UniqueMixture View Post
    At some point you just have to be real with yourself about what you really want and take a leap of faith (with proper planning of course). They say you will not be successful unless you're happy with your life on a consistent basis. I definitely believe this is true. It's about finding out what's going to motivate YOU to get your ass into gear EVERY day.
    But only for three weeks.

  9. #19
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3,041

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I guess I am wondering... what causes people to change?
    When what is being done is truly incompatible with what should be done (not just talk.) In otherwords, when what is being done no longer serves a reasonable (and often is a detrimental) purpose. However, changing this way is probably one of the most extreme forms when it comes to change. Something bad/extreme/horrible happens. Say, like the folks you see on T.V. drinking and driving and killing his/her friend on the passenger seat. Or say, a person finds out that he/she is close to getting diabetes or has gotten a heart attack and needs to change his/her eating habits. Many of these changes are forced upon changes that "need" to be changed because of an event and it turns into a lifetime commitment, or else.

    For the people that talk about change and only do it for a week, it is because the commitment is not strong enough. Telling other people is to try to keep that commitment. Now YOU know what I am trying to commit to "X", and if you see that I am failing YOU know... and it would make me look bad to fail. The problem is, like we've talked about, the commitment isn't strong enough. Free-will will only bring you that far, without making the commitment a very part of you, you'll just end up forgetting it in a matter of days or months. It is why so many people who make the commitment on New Years Eve are bound to fail (unless the commitment is something easy to do.) They literally have to almost live and breathe the commitment to get anywhere.

    Not changing is like smoking addiction, it is only easier to not change until you find out that you won't have long to live if you keep smoking the way you do.

  10. #20
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    MBTI
    estj
    Enneagram
    378 sx/so
    Socionics
    esfp
    Posts
    3,038

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    But only for three weeks.
    Be quiet disembodied consciousness that only exists on the internet
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] ENFJ: Talk About Yourself!
    By Usehername in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 167
    Last Post: 03-24-2010, 01:09 AM
  2. [MBTItm] How intense are we talking about here??
    By Wild horses in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 10-30-2008, 03:14 PM
  3. [INTJ] What You Talk About With Your INTJ
    By Sunshine in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 10-28-2008, 01:25 PM
  4. What excites you? What do you wish people would talk about with you?
    By ladypinkington in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 08-05-2007, 03:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO