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  1. #11
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Q: Why is love not high up on my agenda?
    A: Cuz you haven't met me yet?

    (Just saying.)

    Mostly what others are said. Some people enjoy their freedom and find what small attachments they have (or large non-romantic attachments) to be more than enough to satisfy their needs for intimacy.

    But we can also cycle throughout life. You might change at some point and feel like you are missing out.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #12
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    I dunno why, but romantic relationships simply aren't important to me. I don't feel deficient in any way; I'm just interested to know the cause, and whether anyone else feels like this (and maybe if it's type related too).
    Yes, I have always felt just that way.

    I was recently with a counsellor for bereavement, and I mentioned that i get grief from people who try to talk me into wanting one, or into thinking it's important for me, but she said they're just getting carried away with amateur pop psych stuff and think they're helping me, but in fact in her opinion it's perfectly normal that some people just don't feel that romantic relationships are where they're primarily headed. And I'm one of those people. it doesn't mean you're asexual necessarily - in my experience, when I've wanted to/when the time's come, I've had no difficulty at all with summoning lust/desire/libido. It's just that between 'those times' it was never something that occurred to me as a driving force at all.

    I do have some theories as to why this is with me, but I don't want to bore everyone to death so I'll leave it there and see if anyone actually wants to know before spouting off (for once lol)
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I do have some theories as to why this is with me, but I don't want to bore everyone to death so I'll leave it there and see if anyone actually wants to know before spouting off (for once lol)
    I wanna know!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seanan View Post
    I wanna know!
    Um, okay...

    Well, it starts with the question: what are romantic relationships for? There are various possible answers:

    1. Procreation/sex - nah-uh. Don't need a relationship for that.
    2. Raising children 'wholesomely' (excuse a single parent for barfing)
    3. To fulfil social obligations/expectations - yeah right, as if I'd care about that
    4. To fulfil psychological needs

    I personally think that, taking into account the numerous childless couples who have been happily married for years and would feel lost without each other, I think that what they're really for is for two people who compliment and complete each other to live together in an environment where compromise, empathy, understanding and other good qualities need to be developed in order to build a better relationship and more mature, well-rounded people. I believe they're essentially a path to self-actualization, if you get the right person.

    But it's not the only path. it's the only one for people to whom it's important to have and raise kids. But although in the generic sense one could say we're biologically 'meant' to want to have kids, that it's an instinct etc, there is such huge individual variation on just about every physical matter to do with humans, including DNA and numbers of chromosomes, otherwise you'd start arguing that kids with Down's Syndrome were not human, which of course they are. Not everyone is desperate to procreate, but most people want to live fulfilled lives and become the best person they can be. Not everyone is desperate to self-actualize and reach enlightenment, but most people enjoy sex at the time. Same thing, you dig? Someone being more into relationships and having a family doesn't automatically mean they're not interested at all in helping their wider human family, they've just made a choice that's right for them and so have to commit to it. Likewise, people who choose a different 'vocation' to the family life, or marriage, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything hugely wrong with their libido or anything, it just means they've other things they're more interested in, in order to follow which they have to make a sacrifice, which they choose to make and don't find particularly difficult any more than the happily married woman with lovely kids would find it difficult to resist the 'temptation' to join a convent.

    I think that for some people, other paths to self-actualization are more effective. I've felt for a long time that for me, it's not a romantic partner I need to find and develop a long-term relationship with in order to become the best person I can be, but a 'patron' of sorts. That simbiotic relationship that can exist between spouses can equally exist between a person who is 'born to rule' as it were and one who is 'born to enable', and the ones they both serve - the people whose lives are meant to be made better by the pastoral care of the leader and 'king's counsellor' type figure.

    What I do better than anything else, and better than most people I've known, is 'find ways'. All someone has to do is to tell me something can't be done, and within twenty minutes I've already thought of a dozen ways to do it, and I know they'll all work. So long as I do them. What some other people do really well is to figure out what needs to be done, to dream visions and goals and that sorta thing, but they tend to not be too great at making it happen on their own, often largely because they stumble at hurdles, thinking everything's ruined/lost/whatever because things didn't go according to plan. I can make almost any situation workable. I'm the nil desperandum guy to the drunken wreck of a leader who's sobbing like a baby because all his plans are in ruins and his wonderful vision will never come to be.

    When I do what I do, I help people, I become a better person myself in the things I learn. Much like people who want romantic relationships start out with an idealized vision of their perfect partner, and have unrealistic expectations and failed relationships because of these before becoming more realistic and mature and finding the right person, who helps them become better exactly because they're not perfect themselves... in much the same way, I've been with looking for a leader.

    I say leader, but patron really is more what I mean. I need a person to pick me up and put me in places where I can shine. Without that, I'm just a ball of untapped potential. But these patron types need balls of untapped potential to shine for them and make their dreams happen. My dream is only to untap my potential and use my talents to the fullest, for the benefit of others.

    So, whilst most people spend their lives envisioning and looking for their perfect romantic partner, I've spent mine envisioning and looking for my perfect patron. And over time, I've become more realistic, i've learned a lot through the 'false alliances' i've got into and had to get out of.

    It's kinda unfair that the perception from the outside is, people just see 'oh look he was all over this guy and thought he was the greatest and couldn't do enough for him, and now all of a sudden he's saying the guy's useless and he wants to work for someone else'. And they see it as me being fickle.

    But I think that's really unfair, cos they wouldn't say of a person who was in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship with someone who really obviously wasn't the right partner for them, that they had to keep flogging a dead horse, would they? And it's just the same thing for me. I'm just looking for that person and cause that will allow me to align myself and actualize myself to the fullest.

    Take this with a pinch of salt because I just dashed it off in ten minutes, having guests here this evening and therefore not the leisure to make carefully considered posts!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #15
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Romantic relationships are not the only source and definition of "love". Romantic relationship are a very specific aspect of "love".

    I thought from the title maybe you were going to say you didn't feel a need for any kind of love, i.e. affection, which I don't think is type related or accurate -- everyone needs to feel love/validation/support and it makes life more fulfilling. Whether its familial love or universal love or love/passion of your job or a cause. And don't forget about self-love! You really need that. And I'm a big proponent of the universal love idea as well.

    But if it's just that you don't mind being single -- meh. Some people are more independent or even more wary and selective of who they feel comfortable sharing with. And perhaps you've gotten actively burned in the past or have just not had any memorable experiences that really turn you onto the idea of being with someone?

    And yeah, the whole cyclical thing that TBGO mentions.

    Not prioritizing romantic relationships as a single person (especially say as a 30 year or younger) and especially a single person working more single mindedly towards a career or eduacational goal -- it's pretty normal actually. And I think it's doubly socially acceptable and even expected that men not prioritize romantic relationships or the need to 'settle down' as much as women.

    And yeah, some people more than others are more loners as opposed to serial monogamists. I wouldn't necessarily classify it as 'not prioritizing love' (unless that's how you actually see it yourself) but also look at it in terms of desire for companionship and family orientation. For some people, having a lot of friends or babysitting nieces/nephews is enough family and companionship for them.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  6. #16
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    *jealous*

    I prioritize romantic love way too high on my life list, yuck.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

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  7. #17
    Order Now! pure_mercury's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    *jealous*

    I prioritize romantic love way too high on my life list, yuck.
    I do, too. And it can be very dangerous for someone who attracts/is attracted to women who often have emotional problems, substance abuse problems, are younger and more immature, etc.
    Who wants to try a bottle of merc's "Extroversion Olive Oil?"

  8. #18
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pure_mercury View Post
    I do, too. And it can be very dangerous for someone who attracts/is attracted to women who often have emotional problems, substance abuse problems, are younger and more immature, etc.
    Lol, this reminds me of something my sister told me, which is, "With great women come great problems"

    It is true. To be a crazy woman.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  9. #19
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Because love is a waste of resources, and you intuit that.

  10. #20
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    Romance can be for some people Dana, but I don't think love = romance and I'm pretty sure Ezra doesn't think that either. I'm sure he loves say, his mom for example.

    Actually that's something that does, incidentally, kinda bug me, the way that people tend to automatically think, when you say 'love', that you mean romantic love, as if it's the only kind or at least the ideal kind, the one everyone should be or is striving for. So like people who say they don't think they're suited to romance get called 'cold' and stuff. I know in my case nothing's further from the truth - I'm very passionate and love lots of people. Just cos I don't want to sleep with them doesn't mean I'm cold. In fact I think it'd be just as easy for me to invalidate romantic love and make it look less good compared to what I have, cos I love a person for themselves and see them as an individual person - almost sacred - not a means of obtaining physical pleasure. That's just as seditious a twisting of romantic love as people who are into romantic love do to me when they insist there's got to be something wrong with me, some disorder or something that makes me just not seek relationships on a romantic level.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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