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In relationships.....

Illmatic

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Aight so in a relationship, would it matter if the girl is academically smarter than the guy?
 

FDG

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No, unless the difference is enormous
 

SilkRoad

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Aight so in a relationship, would it matter if the girl is academically smarter than the guy?

Are you referring to a) IQ level;
b) an indefinite measure of intelligence;
c) actual academic qualifications, as in a PhD versus a Masters, or a BA versus high school only?

If c), I think a lot of guys find that intimidating. I think I've kind of run up against that scenario (or at least it was a factor), possibly even more than once. And I only have a BA.

As sad as it is, it makes me think that I should seriously just look at "dating up" or at least "dating sideways", rather than "dating down". I had absolutely no problem in principle with "dating down" until recently (in terms of education levels and social class), but I've been forced to rethink that.
 

FDG

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Maybe BA(female) vs no high school(male) counts more than PhD(female) vs BA(male). Thinking about it I do have a friend that hasn't finished high school and it seemed like he felt bad/inferior when his now ex girlfriend graduated from her MSc...

I think my own girlfriend was better at school than me, at least, we ended up with the same final grades (more or less the max) but she had straight As all the time while I was a bit less perfectionistic / school smart.
 

SilkRoad

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Maybe BA(female) vs no high school(male) counts more than PhD(female) vs BA(male). Thinking about it I do have a friend that hasn't finished high school and it seemed like he felt bad/inferior when his now ex girlfriend graduated from her MSc...

I was most recently interested in a guy who hadn't finished high school. We didn't officially date but I think we came close. Given that he teased me unnecessarily for being "middle class" (he's definitely "working class"), etc, I wondered. Though the "class" thing came up more than education specifically. You can tell though when people are insecure about something by the way they bring it up and the frequency.

I can definitely think of couples where the woman is unquestionably smarter than the man (I mean, there would be universal consensus over this.) But if they both have a similar level of education it would sort of be less noticeable, I guess.

I'm sure there are also lots of guys who would be absolutely fine with this kind of disparity, but some seem to see it as intimidating or a threat.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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I used to think level of education was important to me. But I don't really feel that way anymore. Intelligence turns me on. I think what I was really subconsciously going for was that higher educational level likely meant higher intelligence and an interest in learning. So, personally, I think it probably varies from person to person, the kinds of intelligence a person finds attractive in a partner, as there are different kinds of intelligence.

I desire someone of higher intelligence to me regarding spatial, mathematical, linguistic, and possibly interpersonal. Since I am better with intrapersonal, kinesthetic, naturalistic, and existential kinds of intelligence, I think what I find most attractive is someone whose intelligence complements mine, in areas I lack. :)


EDIT: Ultimately, when I click intensely with someone, my intuition is telling me that they are just what I need, in most every way.
 

JocktheMotie

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Not intrinsically, it's more dependent on the dispositions of those in the relationship to the existence of the divide.
 
R

Riva

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I would not mind.
I prefer clever girls over qualified ones. But that's hardly a contribution to the thread.

Qualified, higher IQ, smarter or more intelligent do not bother me as long as I manage to put a smile on her face, she wouldn't brag about it and she would enjoy my love making.
 
R

Riva

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Hermione and Ron seemed to have managed just fine.

If I recall correctly Ron was extremely annoyed at the fact that Hermione is extremely intelligent, flaunted it and related that to her not having any friends in the 1st grade.

So my friend, I should point out that you have not recalled properly.
 

foxonstilts

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If I recall correctly Ron was extremely annoyed at the fact that Hermione is extremely intelligent, flaunted it and related that to her not having any friends in the 1st grade.

So my friend, I should point out that you have not recalled properly.
In the end, Hermione and Ron managed just fine. :p Apparently they had a couple of kids or whatnot.
(Honestly that's my least favorite pairing and that post was very tongue-and-cheek just because they make no sense to me. :|)
 
R

Riva

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In the end, Hermione and Ron managed just fine. :p Apparently they had a couple of kids or whatnot.
(Honestly that's my least favorite pairing and that post was very tongue-and-cheek just because they make no sense to me. :|)

Not before what I mentioned happened.
This made Hermione change her ways drastically.
And also we could imagine that the issue never resurfaced due to that fateful day/incident.
If that day never happened, it would have been highly unlikely that Hermione changed her ways.
Her changing of ways is what gave Ron the room to breathe around her without feeling stupid.
Ending up them marrying.

Edit -

Are you using a Doctor Who avatar?
That's the 11th I see.
 

foxonstilts

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For a more serious answer, it depends on the people involved. Just because the girl is strong academically doesn't mean that she is strong...well, anywhere else. :p I've always been in the position where I AM more academically inclined (and confident in that area) than my partners, but I tend to lack other talents (remembering to eat!) Sometimes this has been to our detriment and the male feels incompetent and very sensitive (which is terrible because I like helping people study/proofread/etc and they don't let me help them if they're bitter.)

In other circumstances, the guy has been more confident in what he IS better than me at; fixing a car, cooking, being thoughtful, doing art, making movies, having a work ethic, etc. When the guy is confident and recognizes his strengths and my weaknesses and vice versa, the relationship can flourish and we can learn from each other and encourage each other along the way. :) This is obviously the kind I prefer. I like to be able to learn from my partner and teach them as well.
 
A

Anew Leaf

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For a more serious answer, it depends on the people involved. Just because the girl is strong academically doesn't mean that she is strong...well, anywhere else. :p I've always been in the position where I AM more academically inclined (and confident in that area) than my partners, but I tend to lack other talents (remembering to eat!) Sometimes this has been to our detriment and the male feels incompetent and very sensitive (which is terrible because I like helping people study/proofread/etc and they don't let me help them if they're bitter.)

In other circumstances, the guy has been more confident in what he IS better than me at; fixing a car, cooking, being thoughtful, doing art, making movies, having a work ethic, etc. When the guy is confident and recognizes his strengths and my weaknesses and vice versa, the relationship can flourish and we can learn from each other and encourage each other along the way. :) This is obviously the kind I prefer. I like to be able to learn from my partner and teach them as well.

I like this answer a lot. :)

Having a guy who knows things I don't is what makes me happiest and the most intrigued... I hate dealing with cars/bikes/stuff around the house, etc. A man who can change the oil for you = :wub:.

A balance between people is very good to have, and that includes areas of knowledge. I think so long as the guy doesn't feel threatened that his girlfriend is "smarter" than he is, because he excels in a different area, then it should be just fine.

*expands upon shorter answer above*
 

Randomnity

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in my last relationship (college degree vs. university degree+ongoing grad school) it wasn't an issue for me but seemed to be a small issue for him. I don't think it was a huge obstacle though, just something that seemed to bother him sometimes.

I would prefer to minimize the difference in this whenever possible, though it's not the biggest factor at all.
 

SilkRoad

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I agree with the assessment that I would ideally like to be with someone who had strengths in (at least some) areas I didn't. Someone who was more practically minded, for instance, that would be fantastic. I think sometimes people think I am more "intellectual" than I really am because I have quite a lot of "intellectual" interests. It's not really my personality, though. I'm more of an enthusiast than a critical thinker (ie. when I tell you how much I love T S Eliot's The Waste Land, I will spend much more time bouncing up and down with excitement because it's just such a cool poem, than trying to explain all the various literary references that it makes.)

But hm, the more I think about it, I think the education disparity thing has been at least somewhat of a factor with at least a few guys that I have either dated or come close/been interested. And it seems that some of the highly educated guys prefer a girl who doesn't even come close in that respect, as well.
 

Illmatic

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i asked this because i have developed feelings for a girl that is way prettier, way better and in terms of the thread more smarter. (Intelligence and smarts are different things). She is one year younger and probably one of the smartest in her year level....like a 90% student while i'm a 65-75% student. i'm gone.
 
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