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  1. #1

    Default An unlived life, really living

    What times and experiences have made you feel like you've really been living and what way would you describe the feeling or thinking involved in it? Is it a product of reflection or realisation, after the fact or something you feel during the crucial point or period ahead of any reflection? Do you feel like you're life is passing by unlived?

    I've been wondering about this lately, I feel like I sacrifice a lot of my life to my work, although I dont think my work is as important or worthwhile as I once did, but I've not strong idea about what I would be doing with my life instead or any idea of any unfulfilled wishes or aspirations from childhood, you know like a dream job or partner you've not found or had?

    Although what has really prompted this has been two things, how much I'm looking forward to the new season of House MD and how much I'm looking forward to my next holiday, I was left thinking for a moment that if those are the highlights of my life perhaps I'm not really living, a TV show, even if its great is just a TV show, a holiday, even if its great is what? Two weeks out of a year maybe?

    The times when I've felt like I've really been living have, ironically, not always been the greatest moments, for instance dating a lot of people and not finding happiness with any of them or finding anything steady, more difficult work which caused me greater doubts about myself, studies in a university with a lot of people who I hadnt a lot in common with. Stuff like that. Lots of memories which make me positively cringe and wish I could erase them for good. On the other hand there's lengthy stretches, possibly the last five years or so, when I can hardly remember anything of note at all.

    What's everyone's thoughts and feelings on this topic?

  2. #2
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    I saw a poster somewhere with a statement to the effect that ~45% of the work hours in an average organization are spent on activities that contribute nothing to the organization's goals. I feel like I am really living when I am actively making progress toward my goals, whether they be personal or professional. This includes defining those goals as well. I feel stuck in a rut or cut off from the life I should be leading when I find I am spending alot of time on boring, recurring tasks, or administrivia, or things that take me one step back without any steps forward.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  3. #3
    Senior Member giegs's Avatar
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    Unexpected travel, dinner with new and old friends, spending the day with someone I care about doing nothing in particular, overcoming my own fears and doubts, striking out blindly for the pure joy of cluelessness...

    Last weekend I went to a mountain I'd never been to the base of and knew nothing about, eyed a line and started climbing up its features, alone and untethered. I experienced a full range of emotions on the way up and back down and generally had a great time. 5 hours later I stood at the top having done something new in this world on a whim. It still makes me smile. At the same time I'm reminded of Hemingway. Something to the effect of don't talk about it, it only serves to ruin it. Same idea comes up in Cool Hand Luke.

    Everyone probably has the feeling of living passively from time to time. If it bothers you do something about it. Find the environments and experiences that set you off and seek them out. Discover your fears and slap 'em around a bit.

    "Today was another day full of dread, but that doesn't mean I was afraid, because dread and fear should not be confused. By dread I'm inspired, by fear I'm amused."

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    Member MiriMiriAru's Avatar
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    Much of my life, 30 years of it, has been pretty much unlived. I can remember only a handful of significant events, and these become ever more thin as we approach the present. I spent so much of my time imagining how much life could have been different if certain things in the past had been different, and how if only I could go back and make these changes, that I didn't live in the present and for the future.

    This has changed recently, due to achieving a degree of self-acceptance, and now I'm actually looking to the future, and wanting to live life, as opposed to simply existing. So now I'm in a state of pre-living, and slowly moving toward living life.

  5. #5
    Member COLORATURA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I saw a poster somewhere with a statement to the effect that ~45% of the work hours in an average organization are spent on activities that contribute nothing to the organization's goals. I feel like I am really living when I am actively making progress toward my goals, whether they be personal or professional. This includes defining those goals as well. I feel stuck in a rut or cut off from the life I should be leading when I find I am spending alot of time on boring, recurring tasks, or administrivia, or things that take me one step back without any steps forward.
    I feel the exact same way. I have actually gone back & forth wondering if I am INTP or INTJ...but that is a side note...

    I spent my life from childhood until about 20 working towards the goal of being a professional opera singer. I, unfortunately got very sick & broke & things weren't going my way (which hurt my ego substantially) in college & dropped out. I was on a full ride for vocal performance at the time. Previous to that, I had busted my ass & gotten into the Governor's School for the Arts & Humanities (a residential high school dedicated to the arts).

    Now, for the last 8 years, I have been working in accounting. I absolutely HATE this. I go to work every morning miserable & I hate that I feel like I am going nowhere & doing nothing. Alot of people look up to me for being "smart" & being able to learn something like accounting on my own w/ no degree or anything. Honestly, it all means NOTHING to me. Just a paycheck. Occasionally, when I get to do research or get to solve a complex problem I get all happy, but there is NEVER anything as complex as music theory or the exacting nature of classical singing. I AM BORED TO TEARS. I am sorry if I sound like such a bummer, I just can relate to this post & the post that started this thread SO much!

    I actually got into personality & MBTI a few years back to occupy my brain & also to help myself to possibly understanding myself & how I can push myself back into music & fix my major screwup (quitting music).

    I am at the point of MUCH frustration & confusion, so no, I don't feel like I am living my life...

  6. #6
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    What times and experiences have made you feel like you've really been living and what way would you describe the feeling or thinking involved in it?
    On the top of a mountain ridge or feeling the waves of the ocean. Laughing really hard. Looking into the eyes of someone I care about and am attracted to as we are lying together. Dancing. Making things. Or having a really good conversation, reading a good book. Taking a break and relaxing when you need it too can make you feel alive. Feeling like you have done a good job, pushed or stretched yourself.

    Mostly it feels like an energy through your body, like this is what I was made to do. Just feels so so right.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  7. #7
    The Eighth Colour Octarine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by giegs View Post
    Everyone probably has the feeling of living passively from time to time. If it bothers you do something about it. Find the environments and experiences that set you off and seek them out. Discover your fears and slap 'em around a bit.
    This is easier said than done though, what happens if you are physically unable to participate in those environments? You seem to be making a lot of unstated assumptions.

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    Senior Member giegs's Avatar
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    Unstated assumptions: Life can be a bitch.

    I've seen parapalegics on trails that most able bodied people would never consider. Don't be a bitch and find your own adventure.

  9. #9
    The Eighth Colour Octarine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by giegs View Post
    I've seen parapalegics on trails that most able bodied people would never consider. Don't be a bitch and find your own adventure.
    I know some (young) people with certain diseases who would much rather be paraplegic. Life is a bitch when you are bedbound and don't have the energy to read a book for example.

  10. #10
    Senior Member giegs's Avatar
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    Too bad for them. Pointing to exceptional outliers is tiresome.

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