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Thread: Ask God

  1. #71

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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Dear God,

    Can you bring something into being so heavy that it's bigger than yo mama? Hah, burn!
    Qlip,

    I have a good sense of humor (I mean, I created the duckbill platypus and Michele Bachmann), but you have to bring your A game with God!

    However, you did make me laugh, because I remembered when Homer Simpson asked Ned Flanders if Jesus could microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it. When Jesus saw that, he actually tried! Burned the shit out of his mouth. Swear to me.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  2. #72

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    God,

    Why do I only get 100 years to live? I want more time.
    Nerd Girl,

    Keep up that stuff you're doing and you might only get 30. You know what I'm talking about. Don't make me say it. I saw.

    But seriously, I might let you guys live a little longer if you didn't have so many damn babies. It's already impossible to park in the city.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  3. #73
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Dear God,

    Is it possible for me to be transported (like right now) to the parallel universe where the other Redbone is living a charmed life?

    Thank you,
    RB

    P.S. We are all really small potatoes, aren't we?

  4. #74
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Dear God,

    There's heaven for the the faithful and then hell for the wicked. Can't there be an after life somewhere that's not too hot and not too cold? Can I go there?

  5. #75
    A window to the soul
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    God,

    Are there Ford Mustangs in heaven?

  6. #76
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Almighty God,
    1- Are humans supposed to be monogamic?
    2- Is it sometimes ok to curse?
    3- What do you think about people that only remember you when they are screwed? Especially females, if you know what I mean.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  7. #77
    Ginkgo
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    Dear Morgan Freeman,

    You voice is but soft timber gracing my ears.

  8. #78

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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    Dear God,

    Is it possible for me to be transported (like right now) to the parallel universe where the other Redbone is living a charmed life?

    Thank you,
    RB

    P.S. We are all really small potatoes, aren't we?
    Redbone,

    I hope this is comforting rather than disturbing, but there is no parallel universe and no other Redbone. You're the best Redbone I could make.

    And yes. You should all get over yourselves. Srsly.

    Quote Originally Posted by swordpath View Post
    Dear God,

    There's heaven for the the faithful and then hell for the wicked. Can't there be an after life somewhere that's not too hot and not too cold? Can I go there?
    The Beat Goes On,
    I mean Beat,
    I mean Ignite,
    I mean swordpath,

    For my sake, even I'M confused!

    To answer your question I defer to another wise elder (albeit one MUCH less physically attractive than I). "Do or do not. There is no try."

    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    God,

    Are there Ford Mustangs in heaven?
    Nerd Girl,

    I apologize for my vague, reflexive answers this evening. But let me ask you this. In your heaven, would there be Ford Mustangs?

    For the record, if there ARE Mustangs in heaven, we will pretend the second and third generation Mustangs never happened.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Almighty God,
    1- Are humans supposed to be monogamic?
    2- Is it sometimes ok to curse?
    3- What do you think about people that only remember you when they are screwed? Especially females, if you know what I mean.
    Rasofy,

    1. Yes, it works best that way. But oddly enough, there isn't just one soulmate for everyone. That's some hippie Harlequin romance stuff. Go figure.
    2. Fuck yes.
    3. They remind me of people that win the lottery and then bitch about the tax bill. Draw your own conclusions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    Dear Morgan Freeman,

    You voice is but soft timber gracing my ears.
    Gingko,

    I'll let you in on a little secret. While I'm very flattered that I've been played by Morgan Freeman, I actually look and sound more like George Burns. No wonder it's so hard to get people to believe in me.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  9. #79
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    2. Fuck yes.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  10. #80

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Finally, some straight worship up in here!
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

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