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Thread: Ask God

  1. #411
    null Jonny's Avatar
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    Dear God,

    I heard on the news today that you're responsible for helping Hamas in the fight against Israel. Is that true?

    Lots of love,

    Jonnyboy
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #412
    F CK all I need is U ilikeitlikethat's Avatar
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    To our father who art in Heaven, hallowed be your name,

    y gd?

    Amen

  3. #413
    FigerPuppet
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    Dear God,

    Do you even lift?

    PS:

  4. #414
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    Hello God,

    How can I be sure that you're not only a creation of my imagination? That the whole world doesn't exist only in my mind, and that in fact, I'm not God instead, but only don't know about it?

    By the way, how does it feel like, being God? Does it get lonely, boring, or feel meaningless?

  5. #415

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    Quote Originally Posted by AgentF View Post
    dear god,

    i must ask. have you been showing your genitals on the internet, too?

    love,
    agent f
    Dear Agent F,

    It would be pointless for me to show my genitals on the internet, as human eyes cannot process their splendor.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Dear God,

    Would the world be any different if I was never born? Have I impacted any lives in a positive way?


    Love,
    ng
    Dear Nerd Girl,

    Of course the world is different because you were born! Haven't you seen It's A Wonderful Life? Get thee to the Netflix! Now, as for you having a positive effect on lives - you haven't been shanked by anyone, have you? (Have you?) That's a pretty good sign in the affirmative. If you don't believe me, just wait until Christmas. Every gift you get is someone saying they're happy to have you around. Or at least that they don't want to shank you.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  6. #416

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonnyboy View Post
    Dear God,

    I heard on the news today that you're responsible for helping Hamas in the fight against Israel. Is that true?

    Lots of love,

    Jonnyboy

    Dear Jonnyboy,

    Even I am not touching that one. And I'm fucking GOD.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  7. #417
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    dear god,

    why is humanity so complex? will we figure out whether the universe is expanding or contracting before we ever figure out why people are as odd as they are?

    sincerely, whatever
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #418

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    Quote Originally Posted by ilikeitlikethat View Post
    To our father who art in Heaven, hallowed be your name,

    y gd?

    Amen

    Dear ilikeitlikethat,

    Please rephrase in English. Thanks!


    Quote Originally Posted by SmileyMan View Post
    Dear God,

    Do you even lift?

    PS:

    Dear Smileyman,

    Do I lift? Jesus, man, have you never heard the song "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands"? The WHOLE WORLD. And I do fifty reps, too.

    As for your postscript, please give ilikeitlikethat back his drugs. Nobody likes a thief.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  9. #419

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rad3k View Post
    Hello God,

    How can I be sure that you're not only a creation of my imagination? That the whole world doesn't exist only in my mind, and that in fact, I'm not God instead, but only don't know about it?

    By the way, how does it feel like, being God? Does it get lonely, boring, or feel meaningless?

    Dear Rad3K,

    Why is everyone who writes to me lately hitting the bong? But seriously, you can't know for sure. That's why faith is important. I'm pretty sure you are not God, though. Otherwise you wouldn't have to ask me how it feels to be God. Mind: Blown.

    Being God is actually pretty great most of the time. It's like being a parent, but also having the best model train set EVER. I promise I don't make things crash on purpose.

    Mostly.


    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    dear god,

    why is humanity so complex? will we figure out whether the universe is expanding or contracting before we ever figure out why people are as odd as they are?

    sincerely, whatever
    Dear whatever,

    Humanity is so complex because I wanted you guys to be not only awesome, but independent. That involves a LOT of variables. Asking WHY people are odd is beside the point. They just are. Sometimes if you make something just right, it takes on a life of its own.

    P.S., it's expanding.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  10. #420
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    Dear whatever,

    Humanity is so complex because I wanted you guys to be not only awesome, but independent. That involves a LOT of variables. Asking WHY people are odd is beside the point. They just are. Sometimes if you make something just right, it takes on a life of its own.

    P.S., it's expanding.
    dear god,

    so futurama was right along the correct path with this exchange:

    God Entity: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.

    Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money.

    God Entity: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

    ... and will the universe ever contract or continue expanding forever?

    sincerely, whatever
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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