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Thread: Ask God

  1. #311
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Dear God, do you love us because we are crazy enough to worship you?

  2. #312
    Riva
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    Default Dear God, aren't you a freaking hypocrite?

    Why do you ask us to -

    love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
    but you can't even love a person who doesn't believe you enough to take him/her to heaven?

    Dear God, aren't you a freaking hypocrite?

  3. #313
    A window to the soul
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    Dear God,

    Why didn't you answer Victor's question?

  4. #314
    Member Kraska's Avatar
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    Dear God

    Why have you allowed hatred, greed and vanity to enter our souls?
    Why have you allowed us to kill each other like there is no tomorrow?
    Why is there so much sadness in the world?
    How did your sons got to the point of questioning Your existence?

  5. #315

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    Sorry guys, God is out to lunch:

    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #316
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    So, God, why are you so particular about people capitalizing pronouns in reference to you? That sounds a little petty, don't you think.

    Also, if you created everything and you're this omnipotent all powerful being who knows everything then why are there people who do "bad" things? Wouldn't you know what they're going to do based on the environment you put them in and how you, personally, made them [down to every hair, their personality and everything]. So, given that, every crime committed would be YOUR fault. Since you made the criminal the way they were and knew they'd end up going down that path in life if they were in the situation they were born into.

    Like hitler. You made an motivational man and set him up so he wouldn't get into art school and he'd be angry and kill a lot of jews. Why God?

    Also, Do you like Chai?

  7. #317
    Senior Member Elisius's Avatar
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    God, how do we kill you?
    A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

  8. #318

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Dear God,

    Do you think there is any large step of mankind that is simply a step too far (like being able to call home from the moon with your smart phone, resulting in monumental monthly bills), and what steps are you willing to take to make sure that mankind stays in its assigned place?

    (After all, I can imagine it could be scary to wake up some morning to hear bulldozers taking down Elysium next door, and wonder when you'll be evicted from the Pearly Gates / Roads Paved of Gold gated community. Once commercialism takes over the moon, then next will come mars, and it won't be long until we pave Paradise and put up a parking lot!)
    Dear Jennifer,

    Wow, I like this question! I think that there are limits to human technology that are based on the materials available to mankind and the physical limits of miniaturization. Moore's Law cannot continue to rule indefinitely, and I think the laws of physics may prevent a technological singularity from ever being realized. In other words, whatever steps I have to take were taken when I created the universe in the first place. (That kind of blew your mind, didn't it?)

    Oh yeah, too -- if Odin or Ra or other pantheons were displaced by said construction companies, which god do you think you'd best be able to put up for the night until s/he could find new digs, and which god(s) would you definitely have to no to? (And, of course, why)
    This is confidential, right? I don't need this getting back to folks. First off, Aphrodite can crash anytime. I'm sure I'm not alone in that, amirite guys? The guy whose call I'm going to duck is Ganesh. He's a DICK. Dude has eight arms, and guaranteed all of them are touching your shit.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  9. #319

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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    Dear God I am not well wised in any of your holy books.

    Therefore may I know where you ever said that you have a plan that you cannot share with us, which is mentioned in the Bible or any of the Holy books, so that I could look it up?

    This way I would know that you mentioned it somewhere and that people didn't come up with that reply every time your mighty actions are questioned.
    Dear Riva,

    You don't have to look anything up...you're getting it from the horse's mouth!

    And also dear God, if I wanted to save my children from damnation I would I suffered myself rather than sending my son.

    But you are very compassionate.

    You sacrificed your own son.
    As we are both part of the Holy Trinity, myself and my son are part of the same collective being. So I did it too. God does not like snark, Riva!
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  10. #320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    God: Son, I need you to do me a favor. I want you to go down there and get tortured and killed.
    Son: Wtf?? Why?
    God: Cuz i need to sacrifice you, to impress these earthlings.
    Son: I'm not doing it.
    God: Why are you being so stubborn? I mean, it's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.
    Son: That's a matter of debate. That's it, i want to go live with Mom.
    God: Sorry, I sacrificed her last year. now it's your turn.

    Or are you saying it was a joint effort?
    Dear Jennifer,

    Believe you me, that boy got his pound of flesh later on. After 2000 years, he knows how to push my buttons.


    Quote Originally Posted by SmileyMan View Post
    Dear God,

    Why is my penis so small and inefficient for coitus?
    Dear SmileyMan,

    After the whole snake/apple/Garden of Eden thing went down and pretty much slandered an entire gender, women demanded concessions. This was one of their dealbreakers.

    Sorry, bro.
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

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