No, no one is saying you have to accept it without questioning. That is what you're doing now, questioning. And that is a good thing. In a system of absolutes, this would not have been tolerated. The fact that you do dare to raise it, should also demonstrate that it gives room for our personal doubts to be addressed, right?
It is if you have doubts, and you do not raise it, and become secretly unhappy, that is wrong.
Pain is inavoidable. People will always disappoint you, and you, yourself, in one way or the other. Sometimes staying safe could mean stagnation.
We all seek to grow towards being better and understanding more. But sometimes, it is not a straight line up. Like the stock markets. The general trend is up, but sometimes, there are dips and spikes. Focus not on the dips. But on the overall. You cannot control every dip and spike. All you can do is provide the ground for an overall up.
So, you see the goals there, and you set them. The reassessment comes when new information comes in, the way you're doing now, methinks?
The same way we all do here, isn't it? It is why I said it is a system of relativity. We're all constantly reassessing what works and what doesn't. For forum dynamics, and real life, we do need that adaptability. And we do need to take the falls before we can move for another high.
It is never sad if you can see another viewpoint.
Red tape comes about precisely because we're always trying to control things to give us definite outcomes. But in the area of relationships, there are no such definitions possible all the time?
You're friends with someone, in spite of. Not only because of, simply. It means you accept the good, with the bad. You take someone as they are. You know they may hurt you, or betray you. But overall, you know you're better off with them, than without them. There must be enough reason to bear the risk of betrayal, if that makes it clearer for you?
For tangibility,
look to actions to support the words. Whom is by your side, guiding you, advising you. Whom pulls you back sometimes. Whom challenges you.
There is an equal trade. It is not true you're giving nothing. By being honest with someone, and talking over things with them openly, you're giving up an element of self-defense. Making yourself vulnerable. You are trusting someone else. it sounds easy, but it isn't. Being truly vulnerable is not easy. Not everyone figures it out, simply. And yes, it'd be nice if you stood up for them too. It is not demanded. But simply, as you wouldn't trust someone who wouldn't stand up for you, why would they trust you if you failed to do the same?
Yes, trust can sometimes be abused. But it can also be repaid. But you'd not know till you give it a shot.
Re: Mined up all available support to succeed. That is using others, and not really a relationship of equals or mutual support. That is not trust.
There are no guarantees in relationships, be they among lovers, friends, or even family. I know your pain there. I always sought a white certainty too. I was always disappointed looking for that.
It is a process of trial and error. Learning.
Am I helping you or making you more confused?
???"
