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The Church of Google

swordpath

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Normally I'd lol but while I know it's a joke, I almost wouldn't doubt it if google somehow took over the world someday. Screw it, I'm still loling.

The Church of Google

is_google_god.gif


» PROOF #1

Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

» PROOF #2

Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.

» PROOF #3

Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

» PROOF #4

Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.

» PROOF #5

Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.

» PROOF #6

Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".

» PROOF #7

Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.

» PROOF #8

According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.

God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods", as shown in the image below (click to enlarge).
 

disregard

mrs
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Google is just the latest trend in search engines. I don't see what the big deal is.
 

The Ü™

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Google is just the latest trend in search engines. I don't see what the big deal is.

I'm with you here. There was a Yahoo! and AOL search engine long before Google.

I just like Google better because it's right on my toolbar, and therefore easily accessible! But ultimately, I don't see why it's any different.
 

swordpath

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Google is just the latest trend in search engines. I don't see what the big deal is.

If you think about how powerful a tool it is... It really is. Google is working on putting up a service where your medical records can be stored for easy access by doctors. I hear google is planning to release a cell phone in the near future. Google maps... The list goes on.

GOOGLE - THE ANTICHRIST. jk...
 

disregard

mrs
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But anything Google does, another search engine can do. Technology is just a game of leap frog. Google is merely a frog.
 

swordpath

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You see, it's all very simple. One company comes out with a-ALL HAIL GOOGLE!
Damn. Just noticed it's not affiliated with Google INC.

Ruins everything. Why did I join this fucking church? WHY WHY WHY!?!??!
 

Grayscale

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Google is just the latest trend in search engines. I don't see what the big deal is.


not quite!


since the internet was conceived, computer systems have gradually evolved towards virtualization. simple example of what im talking about: 15 years ago, a computer user would spend 95% of the time on their local computer and 5% on the internet. now, it's nearly the other way around.

with that progression continuing, can you see the advantages that a company which dominates all others in terms of virtual processing power, bandwidth, and storage would have?

we're moving towards what could be compared to an e-cold war, and google already has most of the nukes :thinking:
 

sassafrassquatch

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Google and Yahoo aren't exactly playing on the same field. Google's focus is search, before Google there was Web Crawler then Alta Vista then Yahoo. Google did search better so everyone uses it now. Yahoo does search but its focus has always been to organize the information on the web and make it accessible. What's the weather like? weather.yahoo.com. TV? tv.yahoo.com. News? news.yahoo.com. Etc.

So long as Google is run by geeks willing to take risks it will remain on top. Eventually Google will be over run by business men who are risk averse and only care about profits, not quality of service. It will end up like Yahoo, a bloated corporate slob that tries to do everything but not very well. A new startup will come along, eat Google's lunch and we'll all use that instead.
 

swordpath

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Google and Yahoo aren't exactly playing on the same field. Google's focus is search, before Google there was Web Crawler then Alta Vista then Yahoo. Google did search better so everyone uses it now. Yahoo does search but its focus has always been to organize the information on the web and make it accessible. What's the weather like? weather.yahoo.com. TV? tv.yahoo.com. News? news.yahoo.com. Etc.

So long as Google is run by geeks willing to take risks it will remain on top. Eventually Google will be over run by business men who are risk averse and only care about profits, not quality of service. It will end up like Yahoo, a bloated corporate slob that tries to do everything but not very well. A new startup will come along, eat Google's lunch and we'll all use that instead.
There's always the possibility of an unprecedented monster that no one's ever witnessed nor will ever witness again operating at the same level.

That monster may be google... :creates tin foil helmet:
 

ygolo

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A Prayer to Google

Google is my shepherd,

I shall not want

for page views and ad revenues.

It helpeth me find what I seek

and leadeth me through the Internet

and maketh me pots of money.

Lo, though I walk through the Valley of Spam

and malware and bots and zombies

I shall not fear

for Google is mighty.

Listen, Google, to my plea:

See my content,

for if Thou seest it not,

it remaineth invisible

and my traffic will

falter and fall and my business model will fail.

Oh, mighty Google,

first among search engines,

before who all others are as

Jeeves.com.

Thy algorithms are

unknowable, fearsome and mysterious.

Your servers are legion, as numerous

as the stars in the sky.

Your gigabytes are uncountable,

your computing power

inconceivable.

We are as nothing before you

and without you, we are

nothing.

Mighty, magnificent Google,

See our poor, humble Web site

and lead the multitudes to it.

Rank us high, great Google,

and we will bring you offerings of

keywords and search optimized headlines.

Turn your face from our competitors

and banish them to the outer regions of the Web

where there is much weeping and wailing and

venture capital swirling down the drain.

See us Google, and we will

dwell in your servers forever and a day

(or at least until our next quarter).

Amen.
 

disregard

mrs
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:laugh: I was just saying that you could write that and save yourself some time searching Google. I wasn't directing it at you.
 
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