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  1. #141
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Default The mirror has two faces

    Victoire you do know how to reel me in.

    Social/emotional intelligence are important tools in finding/understanding/feeling the existence of others besides yourself.

    The more you understand yourself, the more you are then capable of understanding others.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #142
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Actually 'Chick, some people I know who are highly empathic are still very often wrong about other people's motives...

    my sister for example, feels every bit of emotion anyone around her feels, but sometimes what she's feeling is just her emotions, though she attributes it to others anyway or assumes they share them when they don't...

    When you say "you do know how to reel me in", though maybe you were right in that case, I've often heard my sister say similar things to me when in fact reeling her in was nowhere in my motives; in fact often I'm completely unaware of her presence or at least, unaware that anything I'm saying might reel her in or trigger her interest in any way, and am in fact talking to someone else entirely, but because what I said did, just coincidentally, trigger her interest and reel her in, she refuses to believe that this was mere coincidence...

    What I mean to say is that many empathic people, whilst aware of the feelings of others, tend to not be so aware of the unawareness others have about their feelings or anyone else's, and moreover, to simply refuse to believe them even when they say so.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  3. #143
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Default Reciprocal Mirroring

    But what is fascinating is that empathy can be taught by a process of reciprocal mirroring.

    And it can be taught on the internet.

    For instance, two or more log onto Chatzy - Create your own private chat rooms and so we start off at a very basic level, just to start to get the feel of empathising through reciprocal mirroring.

    After all, it is a skill we are learning, so it is a bit like learning to ride a bicycle - we don't need to think about it - we need to learn what it feels like.

    So the first person makes an "I" statement, for instance, "I am happy to be here". And then the second person mirrors the statement and substitutes "you" for "I" and so says, "You are happy to be here".

    And so the first person continues to make "I" statements and the second continues to mirror with "you" replies. And they do this for five minutes.

    Then, most important, they swap - they reciprocate. And so the second is making "I" statements and the first is now mirroring "you" replies. And they do this for five minutes.

    And then naturally they swap again - swapping is very important because not only are we learning mirroring but we are learning reciprocity and equality.

    And guess what! They do this five times - they practice mirroring five times, turn and turn about - it takes fifty minutes.

    Most baulk at the beginning because it seems too simple for their sophisticated tastes. But once you have learnt to basics of mirroring turn and turn about, you can elaborate reciprocal mirroring at will.

    You can not only reciprocally mirror simple statement but you can mirror tone of voice, or body language, even attitudes. And at the higher end of reciprocal mirroring you can mirror humour.

    So reciprocal mirroring can be practised on the internet.

    And reciprocal mirroring is a unique and essential part of our humanity.

    Victor.

  4. #144
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I don't think I'm not capable of empathy - in fact I know that I am.

    But I do know that I don't feel it's necessary or constructive to have it always switched on. And I also know that I can't have it switched on all the time if I'm to perform well in the other areas in which I already am naturally talented. And I also know that simply understanding a person's emotions does in no way guaruntee that I will actually sympathize with them, or consider them reasonable or be more likely to agree with them or accommodate them on account of that.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #145
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Victoire you do know how to reel me in.
    And what a catch you are!

    Victoire.

  6. #146
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Default

    Now that this thread has 145 replies and counting, does this mean that Edahn is a poop head?

    Nice thread CC2.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  7. #147
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Default Sympathy and Empathy

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I don't think I'm not capable of empathy - in fact I know that I am.

    But I do know that I don't feel it's necessary or constructive to have it always switched on. And I also know that I can't have it switched on all the time if I'm to perform well in the other areas in which I already am naturally talented. And I also know that simply understanding a person's emotions does in no way guaruntee that I will actually sympathize with them, or consider them reasonable or be more likely to agree with them or accommodate them on account of that.
    Sympathy and empathy are quite distinct.

    Sympathy means to feel the same as.

    While empathy means to feel with.

    So when you are empathising with someone, it does not mean you are feeling the same as them.

    This means you are not caught up in their present emotions and thoughts but you know what they are - this is uniquely helpful.

    So while it is nice to have you to be sympathetic towards me, it is deeply helpful for you to empathise with me.

    Victor.

  8. #148
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Actually 'Chick, some people I know who are highly empathic are still very often wrong about other people's motives...

    my sister for example, feels every bit of emotion anyone around her feels, but sometimes what she's feeling is just her emotions, though she attributes it to others anyway or assumes they share them when they don't...

    When you say "you do know how to reel me in", though maybe you were right in that case, I've often heard my sister say similar things to me when in fact reeling her in was nowhere in my motives; in fact often I'm completely unaware of her presence or at least, unaware that anything I'm saying might reel her in or trigger her interest in any way, and am in fact talking to someone else entirely, but because what I said did, just coincidentally, trigger her interest and reel her in, she refuses to believe that this was mere coincidence..
    What I mean to say is that many empathic people, whilst aware of the feelings of others, tend to not be so aware of the unawareness others have about their feelings or anyone else's, and moreover, to simply refuse to believe them even when they say so.
    oyoyouyooyo

    what a T response sub!!

    I like to play with Victor, I was being *bats lashes* flirtatious, not *empathetic*

    And perhaps your sister was/is not....empathetic.

    Simulation theory of empathy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  9. #149
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    Now that this thread has 145 replies and counting, does this mean that Edahn is a poop head?

    Nice thread CC2.
    HAHAHAHAHA

    hey there gorgeous!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  10. #150
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Default Impressed

    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    Sympathy and empathy are quite distinct.

    Sympathy means to feel the same as.

    While empathy means to feel with.

    So when you are empathising with someone, it does not mean you are feeling the same as them.

    This means you are not caught up in their present emotions and thoughts but you know what they are - this is uniquely helpful.

    So while it is nice to have you to be sympathetic towards me, it is deeply helpful for you to empathise with me.

    Victor.
    Insightful post Vic, well said.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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