When I want your opinion of me, I'll give it to you.

[Arclight]

I saw this quote in somebody's signature recently, and it sparked a thought or two
about something I find I encounter in others often, and maybe in myself.

I have no ill intent to either the person quoted or the person who's sig I lifted it from.
I am guessing both the original quote and the sig are displayed publicly.
I am using it solely because it beautifully exemplifies what I wish to convey.

I simply wish the discuss the philosophical content of this quote.
Therefore no names are mentioned because nothing is personal.

The quote;

I wish people would just own their choices, because I don't really give a rip what you do. Project your guilt onto me, and then I'll suddenly care, because you're not characterizing me accurately. I hate being anyone's blank slate."

I present most of the quote for context, but it's the bold that I am mostly discussing here.

This particular philosophy of projection that is being mentioned, is somewhat a popular statement on these and other, "like" forums.

But what exactly does it mean?

Can you really control how a person "characterizes" you?
Do you get to decide their judgment of you?

Do you decide that I am a nice guy..Or do I get to tell you I am a nice guy and you have to accept it , regardless of what you might be perceiving?

Who is a more accurate judge of a character, the one who projects it or the one who interacts with it?

I am sure we are all somewhat familiar with the concept of the EGO and the self.

As I understand it.. The EGO is a controlled version of ourselves that we project on the world. The person we present to others. (please correct me if I am wrong, and it is known as something else,using the wrong word does not take from what I am saying conceptually, either way).
There is often a dissonance between this Projected us.. and the real us.
Some people guard that "real" self ferociously.

So if there is a difference between who you are projecting and the actual "version" of you, why is the other person "projecting" something if they are "not characterizing you accurately"??
They are seeing what you are willing to give them.. If they are missing some important aspect of your personality perhaps it would better served if you just included that aspect of your "real" personality into your projected one.

It's like you present a forgery of yourself and then blame the person for not knowing it was fake.
Or if they spot it's a fake.. defend your right to use a forgery, or try to convince them its authentic.

Who is projecting here?


Discuss?

 

[Sunny Ghost]

Cute title. Reminds me of an event that occurred the other day... though it's slightly out of context from your meaning, but fits in accordance with projection.

My manager freaked out on me at work because I had a shift change approved by the owner/boss, instead of her. She said I went behind her back and was playing the system. Then she continued to list all these other reasons for why I shouldn't have been allowed to work that particular shift, though the owner approved... and just kept saying that was why I went around her back to do this.

In all honesty, she was completely wrong. I only went to the owner, because the person who I was switching shift with said, "Okay, I'll talk to the owner and see if it's okay." And then I went ahead and texted the owner anyways, so I could find out sooner if it was okay or not.

She projected her own malicious, calculating behavior on me... when I'm far from being calculating. Someone merely dropped a name, and I went with it.

But my manager just kept pushing this mal-intent theory to the point she made me cry. Which is always fun to do at work.



Going back to your original point... I don't know... none of us like being looked at in a light we don't ourselves like. We want to be seen as one thing... and as to whether or not this is always the case, that is what we want to hear about ourselves.

 

[Arclight]

Hey.. I thought it was a good title too..

You manager was definitely reacting to something that really had nothing to do with you for sure.
Sounds like she is unsure of her own authority rather than that you undermined it.
And it was nasty of her to persist until you cried. How unprofessional.
It's not really what what I am talking about .. but it's still a sad story and shitty thing to endure.
I'm sorry
And it is a classic case of projection.

Maybe your story is more related than it initially seems.. perhaps it's in the wording?

If we go to the quote I posted.. You manager did in fact, not characterize you accurately. Not from the version of the story you tell anyway,
and I see this sort shift changing thing go on all the time, and as long as someone in management approves and records it, So I've no doubt that your version of events is what happened.
However I wonder if she had come on here and told her story instead, If I would be agreeing with her?

She definitely overreacted,and misbehaved professionally, and maybe you did undermine her authority, not literally, but in the name of team cohesion and solidarity, just a little.

A girl I had conflict with last week at work, accused me of all sorts of things. Claimed I was projecting all sorts of stuff at her.
Tonight, came and said sorry and said she was just feeling aggressive and frustrated and was looking for a fight and I ended up being the poor guy who got in her way at the wrong time.
She ended up crying the night we argued as well.
And this week she is trying to claim 100% responsibility..and said she liked me too much to lose me as a friend.
BTW.. everyone believed her, and I almost lost my job.

I guess I just don't understand people sometimes.

But I think without realizing it.. You might have helped me understand that quote in it's intended context, and maybe what people are saying, sometimes when they say it.

Some of my questions still stand regardless.

SO thank you for sharing your story

 

[Mole]

Projection and Play

Hey, relax because the meaning of any communication is its response. So projection is not only inevitable, it is necessary for communication to occur.

Of course an author creates their own meaning, but the author died some time ago, along with God and the Book.

So today the omnipotent author doesn't speak to us, rather we speak to one another. And when we don't know one another the only thing we can do is project, but if we are sane, we check our projections against reality and adjust our projections accordingly.

Of course there are those who still believe the world is ruled by a neurotic egotist, and how they object to anyone making a projection on them. But really a projection is a playful touch with a paw to see what the reaction is. And the next touch is in response to the reaction and so on and so a conversation is born.

Yeah so relax, projection is a form of play leading to conversation.

 

[InvisibleJim]

Hey, I'm an INTJ - my opinion of you may not be what you would like it to be.

Do I care?

Not really, you've probably earned it.

If it's really an issue then change your behaviour to be more productive.

 

[Arclight]

Hey, relax because the meaning of any communication is its response. So projection is not only inevitable, it is necessary for communication to occur.

Of course an author creates their own meaning, but the author died some time ago, along with God and the Book.

So today the omnipotent author doesn't speak to us, rather we speak to one another. And when we don't know one another the only thing we can do is project, but if we are sane, we check our projections against reality and adjust our projections accordingly.

Of course there are those who still believe the world is ruled by a neurotic egotist, and how they object to anyone making a projection on them. But really a projection is a playful touch with a paw to see what the reaction is. And the next touch is in response to the reaction and so on and so a conversation is born.

Yeah so relax, projection is a form of play leading to conversation.

Brilliant!?

Hey, I'm an INTJ - my opinion of you may not be what you would like it to be.

Do I care?

Not really, you've probably earned it.

If it's really an issue then change your behaviour to be more productive.

It's not at all a case of, if your opinion is what I want to hear .. or not.

It's more a case of me not seeing at all, how it's applicable to anything I am saying.
Except maybe that I need to be more productive.. Which I agree with 100% , but that was already determined some time ago.

Maybe you could elaborate? If not.. Thanks for your input, then?

 

[Coriolis]

To me, a projection is an assumption, and those who make them should be prepared to learn they are wrong. I'm sure I do it just like everyone, but I try to resist by focusing on the facts. To use Indy's example: did she break any rules by having the owner approve the shift change instead of her manager? Did the other employee break any rules by initiating it with the owner? Did the manager ever tell Indy explicitly to come only to her about shift changes? Is the manager right that Indy is not allowed to work the new shift? Was the manager informed once the owner had approved the change? Either Indy is or is not allowed to work the new shift. Either Indy and the other employee followed proper protocols, or they did not, or protocols are unclear and should be clarified by the owner. A constructive reaction will be based upon the answers to questions like this, especially in a professional setting.

I am sometimes on the receiving end of another type of projection. I do something nice or helpful for someone, and others (even bystanders) sometimes carry on about how caring I am, while often this is not my motivation at all. My actions are evident, but anyone who feels they know my motivations has an even chance of being wrong.

 

[CoyBoomer]

Blunt observations means nothing to me. I do that too sometimes. But if someone tries to humiliate me deliborately I will bite back.

 

[lane777]

Whether or not the individual you quoted is making a valid point I can't say for sure, seeing as the full context really isn't there. But it does appear that they're speaking in absolutes and if that's the case, I would have to think it's an unfair assertion. There are too many variables involved in casting judgement; there's such a thing as indirect behavior, in which case someone will not be getting the full story on a persons behavior if they don't know them well. For example, one might think an individual doesn't like people because he rarely approaches them, when in reality he's simply a responder, not an initiator... or perhaps he's shy. The actions/behavior is evident, but the intentions are not. That said, I think it's really hard to get a good read on people here, because tone and body language are what really give a person away.

 

[Starry]

A lot of banned people in this thread. Sorry...just had to reflect on that for a moment.

 

[Lark]

A lot of banned people in this thread. Sorry...just had to reflect on that for a moment.

I noticed that too.

 

[SilkRoad]

A lot of banned people in this thread. Sorry...just had to reflect on that for a moment.

LOL...when I noticed this thread had popped up and decided to have a look, that was also one of the first things that came to mind.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

A lot of banned people in this thread. Sorry...just had to reflect on that for a moment.

There's no need to say sorry. It's interesting. Can you identify a common characteristic of the banned people who posted in this thread? I think it's a tendency to be manipulative and the desire to control other people's opinions of them, rather than accept honest feedback from others and be willing to examine their own shortcomings.

 

[Savage Idealist]

A lot of banned people in this thread. Sorry...just had to reflect on that for a moment.

Indeed.

I'm going to post here, seeing as how one day, if i'm ever banned, my title will be added to the great redness of this thread.

 

[King sns]

Indeed.

I'm going to post here, seeing as how one day, if i'm ever banned, my title will be added to the great redness of this thread.

(whispers) I can feel their great spirits all around me in here.

 

[Savage Idealist]

(whispers) I can feel their great spirits all around me in here.

(whispers) I can sense them too, they are vengeful and desire blood . . . or more banned members to contribute to the redness . . . or they're just peeved about being banned in the first place but aren't really going to do any harm because they're tried spirits . . . oohhhhhhh.

 

[Ginkgo]

This website could do with a crash course in straight-talk while we trash the psycho-babble.

 

[Fluffywolf]

There's no need to say sorry. It's interesting. Can you identify a common characteristic of the banned people who posted in this thread? I think it's a tendency to be manipulative and the desire to control other people's opinions of them, rather than accept honest feedback from others and be willing to examine their own shortcomings.

I think he knows, that's why he wanted to reflect on it.

Irony is fun.

 

[SilkRoad]

There's no need to say sorry. It's interesting. Can you identify a common characteristic of the banned people who posted in this thread? I think it's a tendency to be manipulative and the desire to control other people's opinions of them, rather than accept honest feedback from others and be willing to examine their own shortcomings.

Yup, fairly sure it's something like that.

 

[Totenkindly]

I'm going to post here, seeing as how one day, if i'm ever banned, my title will be added to the great redness of this thread.

Everyone needs a goal.