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Do people change?

Vie

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In your opinion, do you think that people change?

Or more specifically, what spurs people to change? If someone is a shitty person, do you think they can just wake up one day and decide to no longer be a shitty person? Does an abusive man (whether emotionally or physically) one day just decide to not be a pig anymore, and becomes a romantic gentleman?

If you truly do believe people can change, then do you believe is it sudden or gradual?

JUST to clarify, this was just a hypothetical question! Haha, me and my roommate were watching Sex and the City and were wondering if people really do change. (ie MR. Big)
 

disregard

mrs
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People change. And they change because they want to change. It's gradual. It takes continual effort in the beginning.

I don't know about your abusive pig/romantic gentleman example. That sounds like a honeymoon period in the cycle of abuse.
 

Thalassa

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I'm not sure what you mean by "shitty person" but yes damaged people can overcome their issues with drugs, alcohol, emotional instability, or even violence, but they have to want to and work at it, because frequently the scars which make them that way have been present since childhood or are neurological and biochemical in nature.

Many people are capable of rehabilitation if they want it. Sociopaths are an obvious exception, and people with pathological narcissism and borderline personality disorder can be helped, but are notortiously hard to get into and keep in therapy because they think everyone else is the problem.

Immature people grow up, and bitter, angry people can quit being destructive to themselves and others with some self-awareness and love.
 

Vie

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Hm. Interesting.

I suppose I have a very House-like view in people changing. Very skeptical about it.
 

Thalassa

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House lacks emotional intelligence.
 

Totenkindly

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People make changes in their lives only when the pain of not changing outweighs the fear of change.

As far as personality goes? No, not really. There's growth and building onto a personality from a specific starting point, but it's not like people can just choose to be something they are not. There's a line of continuity there.

Does an abusive man (whether emotionally or physically) one day just decide to not be a pig anymore, and becomes a romantic gentleman?

He might choose to be romantic, but he won't even know how, really, for some time -- it's a role he would have to grow into, and probably suffer relapses along the way.

If you truly do believe people can change, then do you believe is it sudden or gradual?

it depends on the personality involved, the change being made, and the context.

For example, someone who is suddenly motivated to quit smoking might choose to just go cold turkey and never look back after that first day. Or she might have many relapses along the way and really struggle.

Or someone who is codependent might have to work at not being codependent, and he'll need time to figure out how to not be codependent in given situations. Or maybe he'll just leave an abusive relationship and not look back.

I always recommend Allen Wheelis' "How People Change" if you're into the more philosophical/psychological approach.
 

Oaky

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Building upon a personality is change is it not?
My thoughts move towards one's attitude,
I think attitude plays an important role on how we enter the world. It can be changed at will though needs it's time. It is our attitude that shines our personality in it's different lights and certainly we do not want to exist in our personality's most unhealthy state.
 

JoSunshine

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People make changes in their lives only when the pain of not changing outweighs the fear of change.

I agree with this. I think that extreme adversity or some sort of catastrophic event typically facilitates change. That change can be for the better or for the worse.
 

knight

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I agree with this. I think that extreme adversity or some sort of catastrophic event typically facilitates change. That change can be for the better or for the worse.
gradual

hmmmmmm
change coming from concern, an wanting to because they care or change being forced due to circumstance but not really caring or bothering to look beyound oneself
 

Athenian200

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My answer is that people can change sometimes.

If a person has an inherent psychological disorder that can't be handled with medication or therapy, sometimes they can't change. I also don't believe that people can completely change their basic personality, although they can try to dilute it with other traits.

I think that change is possible, but it can only happen in a limited way, and under certain circumstances. Even if the person wants to change.
 

knight

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ah sex in the city

once a pig, always a pig? you are wondering. I just viewed your OP. lol

Ok, those tendencies don`t disappear and always are there. they begin to take the back burner when the person begins to notice their star does not shine as bright as it used to. there is no more that constant over abundant flow of suitors interested. when do they notice? maybe they go into the store and no one notices, the cashier does not make eye contact. they are not getting that attention they used to once have and they slowly find themselves taking their place on the sidelines while the fresh new players play the field. since they may still be in transitional phase, they may become more emotionally invested unlike in their youth. Im babbling

and also buzzed
 

Edgar

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No, people don't really change. At best, they adapt to the circumstances and become a bit more rounded. But they are pretty much the same person they were in high school until the day they die.
 

Thessaly

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Edgar, you know that's complete and utter bullshit right?
 

Thalassa

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People with low EQs seem to all agree with one another in their pessimistic view of other human beings.
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
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behavior can change. but the core doesn't--at least i haven't seen it.
they just learn to either repress or express better.
or get over themselves better.
 

Thalassa

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Well, personality type doesn't change, the basic way of perceiving the world does not change, and by clicking on the previous thread on this topic I noticed that Edgar expressed himself more clearly there, and with that I agree...INFPs do not become ESTJs.

But people can undergo what seem like miraculous changes in destructive behavior when they want to grow, given the right tools, support, and environment.
 
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