Warning: My writing can be very long-winded and detailed. Please be patient with me. Not only that but I am also still a clueless newbie.
I think this topic might fit under 'spirituality' because it's about my struggle to know who I am and to be myself and to live my life.
Does anyone else here talk to other people in their mind? (and are you willing to admit it in front of hundreds of readers?) Are they friendly or unfriendly to you? For instance do you talk to: spiritual guides, God, imaginary friends, or subpersonalities? Do you talk back and forth to 'yourself,' in your mind, and sometimes get into arguments and conflicts with another part of yourself that seems to disagree with you?
For many years I used to dialogue with myself in my mind when I meditated, but it wasn't a problem until 2003, when all of a sudden I started having 'unwelcome visitors' and started hearing voices I didn't want to hear, and I had no control over them. I came out of the closet and started blogging about it, and my close friends and family all know, and I am coping with it without medication... but yes, it continues, and I would rather not have this problem.
Everyone will explain it differently. I explain it as technological: I believe that I am being attacked by people using electronic weapons. Other people who experience this might describe it as being attacked by ghosts, demons, psychic powers gone haywire, or something supernatural. Others believe that part of their own brain is malfunctioning.
I experience myself being controlled and forced to say things and write things, like a puppet. Often, my words are not my own. It's like having multiple personalities, except I'm awake and conscious while I'm talking, and I don't go into a 'fugue' - I don't go unconscious and forget what I did while in another personality.
A conflict between me and 'other personality types,' not just a conflict, but a WAR, inside my mind, has been the ongoing theme since the attacks began. I recognize the other types because they are different from myself. For instance, 'they' give me nightmares that contain offensive sexual symbolism. I myself don't use sexual symbolism, I'm clueless about it, and sexual symbolism goes right over my head. I might get curious once in a while and read about it on the web, but I don't use it myself. People can make jokes secretly with sexual innuendos and many times I'm so naive that I don't even notice what they're saying.
Trying to find my 'real self' has been my goal since this began. It was my goal even before I had the attacks. I've learned about personality types as part of that goal.
I've been mistyped into many different categories. When I was in college, from 1993-1997, my roommate took the Myers-Briggs test on the computer and came out ISTJ. I became curious. I took it and got INTP. Took it again, got INTJ, then INFP. Then I took it a bunch more times until I figured out what letter each question controlled, so that I could arbitrarily get whatever result I wanted. (I believe the test needs to be drastically redesigned and that it's mistyping huge numbers of people.) Years later I decided ISTP, then ISFP. My enneagram type has been all over the place. First I thought I was a One, then Nine, Six, Seven, Five, Four, and now Three. So I've tried on all except Eight and Two - I'm very sure that I'm not either of those.
Having a war between myself and the 'other people' inside me has been the theme of the past few years of my life. I'm trying to recognize them, distinguish them from myself, and get along with them, if possible, without losing myself. I like to use personality typing systems to help me see them and myself more clearly.