are our perceived strengths actually our biggest weaknesses?

[infpwonderer]

Has anyone else ever had a "Wtf???!!!!" Moment where you realised that what you thought you are good at for eons, actually has been your biggest weakness?

 

[IZthe411]

Are you talking over reliance on a strength, or that you just plain suck at something where you thought you were pro?

 

[infpwonderer]

Are you talking over reliance on a strength, or that you just plain suck at something where you thought you were pro?

I'm more talking about values I think. Like the values that we hold as fundamental to who we are. So I had a value, about always respecting other peoples right to an opinion, to the extent that I wouldn't argue with them. At least that was my perception, until I realised and "Wtf!!??"d that it was actually conflict avoidance, and my brain had covered that up so that it was a value that I perceived as a strength. So I thought I was being openminded (strength) and people agreed with me, whereas actually I was conflict avoiding (bad). And for so long that it was outside of my perception that I was, and my brain coated it in a nice sugar flavoured perceived value

Since then I've been wondering if all perceived strengths are actually our brains way of covering up something else. Because id we are good at something, why would we need to call something a strength?

Really interested in other peoples experience here, I want to get other peoples perspective have you ever had reality inversion on a perceived strength/value?

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

Each of our minds works in a very specific way. Each of us has neural pathways that are naturally stronger than others. So we want to access those pathways whether doing so is healthy or unhealthy for us.

For example one strength of mine is that I am direct and bold. A weakness of mine is that I don't pick up on social subtleties. But in both cases I am using the same mode of thinking. I am just doing what naturally feels comfortable to me. Whether the traits you possess can be considered strengths or weaknesses depends mostly on context and also somewhat on training.

 

[Jack]

I'm more talking about values I think. Like the values that we hold as fundamental to who we are. So I had a value, about always respecting other peoples right to an opinion, to the extent that I wouldn't argue with them. At least that was my perception, until I realised and "Wtf!!??"d that it was actually conflict avoidance, and my brain had covered that up so that it was a value that I perceived as a strength. So I thought I was being openminded (strength) and people agreed with me, whereas actually I was conflict avoiding (bad). And for so long that it was outside of my perception that I was, and my brain coated it in a nice sugar flavoured perceived value

Since then I've been wondering if all perceived strengths are actually our brains way of covering up something else. Because id we are good at something, why would we need to call something a strength?

Really interested in other peoples experience here, I want to get other peoples perspective have you ever had reality inversion on a perceived strength/value?

There is a lot of delusion. It is usually easier to tell yourself you have a strength of or value of something, and then, only really apply such a value or idea when it is 'convenient' for you. Most people seem to have a decent amount of 'ignorance' about such, which is either intentional or unintentional. It's very interesting to consider how much deception, self-deception, there is. And how there are things in society that help reinforce such.

Different take: your post also reminded me of this http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...nality-matrices/29158-form-inferior-etjs.html
But that's more how you "suck" at your 'strengths', at odd times. Sort of.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

There can be a danger in what is internalized as a personal identity because it makes it harder to admit when you don't live up to it. I think people can have blind spots in relationship to their personal identities because they are invested in it - especially if their expectations of self are not realistic.

 

[IZthe411]

I have had this moment- when I doin't remember. It will come to me at some point, but what I do remember is I was down. It beat me up. But in the end, who I really was wasn't really 'worse' than who I thought I was. Different, but not worse.

 

[Arclight]

I don't know if my strengths are my biggest weaknesses..

I think it's more that for every positive reaction there is a negative one.. The Ying and Yang..

Your strengths have always been your weakness, you weakness has always been your strength.

It's all in the utilization and timing.

 

[rav3n]

To give a concrete example, Te in an ENTJ gets things done but not everyone wants to be directed.

 

[Qlip]

This premise isn't true for me. I'm often better than I think I am at stuff. Does this happen to people because they put a lot of value in a skill or ability before they even test it in reality?

 

[Totenkindly]

Has anyone else ever had a "Wtf???!!!!" Moment where you realised that what you thought you are good at for eons, actually has been your biggest weakness?

Yeah.
- My adaptability was bad for me when I chose to try to adapt to every situation, when sometimes you just need to dig in / hold your ground.
- My rationality was bad for me when I was dealing with things (like life purpose/contentment) that are not driven by rationality.
- My desire for verifiable proof was bad when I just needed to accept mystery in life, and that just because I can't justify something to someone else doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.

etc

But in many situations these things are good; I was just clinging to them as extremes.

 

[Totenkindly]

Has anyone else ever had a "Wtf???!!!!" Moment where you realised that what you thought you are good at for eons, actually has been your biggest weakness?

Yeah.
- My adaptability was bad for me when I chose to try to adapt to every situation, when sometimes you just need to dig in / hold your ground.
- My rationality was bad for me when I was dealing with things (like life purpose/contentment) that are not driven by rationality.
- My desire for verifiable proof was bad when I just needed to accept mystery in life, and that just because I can't justify something to someone else doesn't mean I shouldn't do it.

etc

But in many situations these things are good; I was just clinging to them as extremes.

 

[infpwonderer]

I don't know if my strengths are my biggest weaknesses..

I think it's more that for every positive reaction there is a negative one.. The Ying and Yang..

Your strengths have always been your weakness, you weakness has always been your strength.

It's all in the utilization and timing.

That's exactly it lol although it does sound very wooly!!

 

[Sunny Ghost]

i kinda see all things as being good and bad at the same time. it's a strange world we live in, and perceptions are even stranger. for any one thing or thought there can be several different perceptions. often times, our gifts are at the same time our curse. being empathetic, for example, can make one connect with so many different people. however, at the same time, being empathetic to people can cause a lot of personal pain as well.

with your particular example, i think it's great to be open minded to other peoples ideas and views. so many people in the world are still ignorant or stubborn to views outside of their own, and i think this is definitely something to be valued. but agreed, that at the same time, this can be viewed as being easily pushed over. you can find a balance with the two. be receptive to others views, and at the same time, broaden the other persons views by sharing your own... and without being pushy... but by having a mature and open conversation where all sides are welcomed. and if someone isn't able to be open to your views... well at least you were on your end.

 

[gromit]

I think of different traits that I have and they can be good or bad depending on the situation and on how I use them.

 

[Thalassa]

Sure, like I'm the opposite of you and instead of avoiding conflict I have a tendency to not only stand up for myself, but for others, and I like to argue (my mother thinks I should be a lawyer, but unfortunately I don't think I'm rational enough to actually do that sort of work) ...and it can make me appear obnoxious or overly confrontational at times. Then again, I have family members who know I'll always have their back and that I can even scare away bullies.

I also used to think being uber-liberal was awesome, until I looked around me at other people and realized how nauseating and CLOSED MINDED it actually can be...and thusly became a bit more moderate. The irony was that I thought I was so open-minded and on the side of "good" when in truth I could be a rigid asshole. Of course, I think people who are either extremely left or right should eventually have that realization, problem is that many don't.

 

[Such Irony]

Makes sense. A strength that is overused or inappropriately used for the situation can be a liability.

 

[Red Herring]

I have always been very accomodating and thought that was what it meant to be a nice person until I slowly realized that I was conflict avoidant as hell and just used the line of least resistence to get the world to leave me in peace (which was my true objective) ..sort of rudimentary Fe for dummies.

Also, overanalyzing sucks when life demands that you take action. Nothing new there.

 

[guesswho]

Has anyone else ever had a "Wtf???!!!!" Moment where you realised that what you thought you are good at for eons, actually has been your biggest weakness?

Yes, it's some kind of defense mechanism. The question is why that specific weakness? This is not random.

I used to think I am very adaptable, but I am not, even though extraverts should be more adaptable bla bla bla... I have a hard time adapting to the environment. And to people generally.

 

[xisnotx]

I've been thinking..
We might be more aware of how bad we are at something because we do it a lot. Like that whole "The more you know, the more you know you don't know" thing.