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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default Why are people purposely mean?

    I have always wondered why there are people who are mean on purpose to other people. I can understand unintentional meanness - you know, the misunderstanding type, but I really don't understand intentional meanness.

    My daughter is reading a book about dealing with "mean girls," and it stated that the purpose of these girls is to inflict pain. Why would that be a motivation for someone? I am always devastated when I think I have even done something small, like hurt someone's feelings.

    Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I don't know. It provides them probably some kind of fun, the feel of having power over the other person. Or fame in their "friend circle". When you have no respect for the other people, maybe because you just are not able to see from the perspective of another person or lack emphathy, you might probably have no scruple to decide that it is a worthy behaviour.

    I am sick of how common it is though. I never participated in bullying other people or talking bad about people behind their back just for the sake of it, because it felt always disgusting to me even when I was a child / teenager. I know though many other people around me had less scruple. I wish I would have had also the courage to really oppose those who did that to others when I was younger rather than just staying away from it, but well, I wasn't in a that strong position.

  3. #3
    Senior Member ZPowers's Avatar
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    I've been intentionally mean, but only when extremely upset. It is something like "I'm at a point right now where I am upset enough that I just don't care about what you are feeling, I'm personally going through something very bad and diplomacy and manners have fallen out the window head-first." But, of course, no one goes through life continually that upset.

    In terms of bullying, I think some do it to fit in with others and do not mean it. I did that once and regretted it. It's retrospectively ironic that, in elementary school, someone like me who had trouble finding friends took it out on others whom where like me to please the kind of folks that tormented us 'losers'.

    I don't understand it. I don't understand why people hunt exclusively for pleasure, when I feel like I'd be racked with guilt (I've killed one thing larger than a bug: a mouse with a broken leg two years ago. It still bothers me. I also usually put bugs outside in paper towels). I don't understand wider cruelty or violence. I've read a huge deal about serial killers and people who commit murder (which I started after extreme violence shook my entire town, took a number of lives, and left several older friends with PTSD when I was about 11) and after many years I still don't understand any better. I honestly don't think it's within explanation.
    Does he want a pillow for his head?

  4. #4
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    Because they dont like you.

  5. #5
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Mean Girls

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I have always wondered why there are people who are mean on purpose to other people. I can understand unintentional meanness - you know, the misunderstanding type, but I really don't understand intentional meanness.

    My daughter is reading a book about dealing with "mean girls," and it stated that the purpose of these girls is to inflict pain. Why would that be a motivation for someone? I am always devastated when I think I have even done something small, like hurt someone's feelings.

    Any ideas?
    The book, "Odd Girl Out - the Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls", by Rachel Simmons was made into a movie called, "Mean Girls".

    And to see Rachel Simmons and hear why girls are mean, click on -

    http://vimeo.com/6695443

    and

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Otlkbsmmrc

    and

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8AWpR5rsOo&NR=1

    Or see the trailer for, "Odd Girl Out" -

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yy0Sn...eature=related

    And part 1 of the movie, "Odd Girl Out" -

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvS-h...eature=related

  6. #6
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Because their stepfathers touched them at night...they have to take it out on someone.

  7. #7
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    The short answer: they have big egos and thrive on competition. They also have no heart and weak empathy. They constantly seek competition out in order to feed their insatiable ego, which is necessary for them or they can't feel good about themselves or feel valuable. They find their own value in their ability to "conquer" others.

    Weak people are perceive to be too easy and not a real contender but are like hors d'oeuvres that they need to feed on/steamroll until they find the bigger, more satisfying "kill".

  8. #8
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    Fear.

    Of the unknown, of losing something to you, of getting hurt, of becoming obsolete, of being out-grouped...

    It's a Get them before they get you state of mind that makes us act like that.

  9. #9
    Yeah, I can fly. Aleksei's Avatar
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    It's fun.
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  10. #10
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    As a young girl I was mean a lot to other girls. When I was very little I was always sweet to everyone, but later I noticed that other children were mean to me and other children and that exactly those children were also the ones that always got the most awesome toys. Next to that, I also learned that the best way to handle mean kids was by being mean back to them. So, the mean behaviour got linked to two positive things: nice expensive toys (I never got nice toys because my parents were unemployed until I was 9) and scaring other mean children away. That made me turn mean at some point when I was eight and then I also found out that being mean was a lot of fun. I kept being that way, until the circumstances forced me to be overly nice and become a doormat.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


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