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  1. #21
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    I can relate to the casting back or past or forward part. When I was in my 20s, a friend said "J, you live in the Past Perfect." It also hurts to realize that certain situations were beautiful, I just didn't realize it at the time. I don't think that's living in the past perfect, it's expecting too much and appreciating too little.

    I do better living in the present now, but I still anticipate certain events and feel disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations.

    Simple appreciation of the moment is a goal of mine. Also telling those I care about that I value them. Like you, Pink.

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I've thought this question over, and I feel I can't answer it properly because, since I never can seem to ground myself in the present (unless something HORRIBLE is happening and I can't ignore it), I rarely feel "happy" or contented. I'm always casting backward or forward. Anticipation became God long ago to compensate for the present being so bad and unlivable.

    Now I'm very much internally puzzled. :-\

    I'm not a type (eNFJ) to be very happy. I'm more rocked by storms than anything. Which is something I have to try and persuade myself isn't a personal failing.
    How strange, PP; I have read some of your blog, so I know somewhat about your storms, however to me, on the rest of these forums, you come across like a very happy person...

    (((hugs)))
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  3. #23
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    I can relate to the casting back or past or forward part. When I was in my 20s, a friend said "J, you live in the Past Perfect."
    Wow. I love that. O.o Jae Rae to the sum-it-all-up rescue again! You know how I love things collected up tidily in one word or phrase.

    It also hurts to realize that certain situations were beautiful, I just didn't realize it at the time. I don't think that's living in the past perfect, it's expecting too much and appreciating too little.
    That's the trouble with me. I've been conditioned to expect the worst so when something truly beautiful happens, I don't allow myself to sit with it, preferring to move on quickly before everything numb on me starts to wake back up and hurt. I'm working on that very hard.


    I do better living in the present now, but I still anticipate certain events and feel disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations.

    Simple appreciation of the moment is a goal of mine. Also telling those I care about that I value them. Like you, Pink.

    Jae Rae
    It's been my honor to know you, Jae. Continue to share your thoughts with me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sandy View Post
    How strange, PP; I have read some of your blog, so I know somewhat about your storms, however to me, on the rest of these forums, you come across like a very happy person...

    (((hugs)))
    Ah, my dear Sandy. I only wish I could say that I was truly a happy person. I frequently see myself as being like a comedian, finding high humor in blight, humor I like to share with others, but not being much to live with in general. I find other types' approaches to contentment to be something I wish I had and stare hard at in order to figure out how it works.

    Or I play David Bowie *really loud* until I'm up again.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    Researcher: VDI-P
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  4. #24
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Opened up a book by chance and found this quote by Emerson:

    "These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are...there is no time for them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect for every moment of its existence."

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  5. #25
    Junior Member Benjamin's Avatar
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    Honestly, if you anticipate good things to come, you could end up disappointed. I like to look at life as it is. Most people have a past that they would like to forget. However, looking to the future could possibly make things worse in the present. I like living in the present. It makes me content.

  6. #26
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I'd say I'm generally quite fine. I don't think about the past much, ever, never crosses my mind. It's not that it's bad, I just don't. Except when there's a past experience I want to repeat in the future. Future to come can excite me, but it's usually rather grounded future realities such as, climbing a mountain I have yet to climb, etc; always things that are within reach, even if they do take some effort.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #27
    Member cheap's Avatar
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    Contentment for me is appreciating everything I have in the here and now and taking into consideration the past which has led up to this positive perception of now. (My parents have told be stories about how their childhood was corrupted by the vietnam war)... but I was born in the lucky country and am safe; influences like that. This mindset of savouring the moment has over time, become a foundation from which optimism has derived and accumulated from each calm, blissful moment, in anticipation that this contentment will stretch out into the future (as demonstrated whilst I currently list all the reasons I am happy). <-- That is always optimistically anticipated.

    I remember in my earlier years of adolescence when I was depressed and pessimistic, how difficult it was to ever believe I would be happy again, but I've finally reached that point in life where I now sit into the groove of sustaining optimism to sustain optimism. With progression, it strengthens the basis of my current wellbeing's happiness. If I realise that I already have so much I could ever hope for, and the future is just an evolvement of that, I don't relapse into bottomless despair so easily anymore... That's where I was and as I gradually climbed up I "dented an arrow into the rock"; marked each step, so that if I ever slipped back down again, there would be more happy memories above me to reach for and hang onto as a reminder of why I worked my way up such a high ladder of happy arrows in the first place. From then I could re-climb the ladder I made from my previous arrows sticking out from the giant rock. Slightly weird metaphor but it works for me.

    As for dread... Well that can be conquered by looking even further ahead. I look forward to unpleasant experiences being over! I also try not to seek out too many experiences of euphoria, contrary to one of my friends who is continually disappointed because she sort of searches for it, and re-living past experiences is depressing for me. That being said (sorry, I don't mean to derail this topic into a dark ditch) I'm pretty sure that I can't wait until the death of my loved ones to grieve. I'm at it now. It's just a way for me not to take my interactions for granted, so it will get easier to accept we are impermanent. I'm optimistic, but never in way that I'll expect the future to accommodate me. Anticipation just prepares itself for whatever that will be.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Journey's Avatar
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    Smile

    For some reason when I think of this I can't see the "big" picture. I see myself content in the day-to-day schedule of events, looking forward to the sameness of tomorrow! Contentment for the time being, just being me in this new married life. Enjoying my new life with my husband, daily chores to make our lives comfortable, plenty of solitude, looking forward to him coming home at night, having friends and family over--just pure contentment. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, lol.

    When my husband plans these wonderful vacations for us (He's ISFJ--but he's 56 so he uses N pretty well, also) he so enjoys planning every detail and just diving into it, changing our itinerary back and forth and getting it just perfect, discussing it with me (I listen enough to give my input, but am just as happy usually with him making the decisions, but I know he wants my opinions...) Sometimes I actually dread the vacations, but know I will love doing them and especially having the memories of them. My happiness lies in the doing and reflection on the doing of them not the anticipation of them.

    There have been times in my life when anticipation made me happier, but right now is not one of them. I don't think it has anything to do with N-Sness.
    "My Journey is my Destination."

    "Today Counts Forever." R.C. Sproul

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