I certainly dont believe that means that you're shut off from God, deserving of punishment, less of a person etc. Its strange to be that anyone, least of all Christians, would think or say so.
There are some signs and wonders perhaps, although I understand what you mean, you are desirous of something more than the mundanities of signs taken for wonders on a daily basis, perhaps you want a personal apparition or something? The thing is that it could all be taken for a delusion if it where even experienced, for the believer no proof is necessary, for the non-believer no proof will ever be enough.
I hope you dont think I've disrespected you or your beliefs. Cheers.