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  1. #1
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Unhappy why doesn't God love me?

    To start off- I'm not intentionally anti-religious by any means- I grew up with a mother who loved to go to church and has the pleasant and gentle view that God's there for us whether we want him to be or not, and he loves us all equally. This should have been a good grounds to feeling SOMETHING towards God, I'd think, but apparently it wasn't

    To make it more confusing, I even spent 4 months living in a convent as part of a room and board package once... they were cool nuns, they loved humanity in general and had such an optimistic and non-judgemental attitude towards it. They really DID put their faith into good works to help the poor, the sick, the un-spoken... even if the people in question weren't even Christian- they were wonderful people, but I still didn't FEEL anything

    I've gone to various different types of churches- I've been to temple several times, I have gone to mosque on several occasions, to a few pagan celebrations... I've studied Hinduism, Buddhism and have even attended a Ba'hai service and still I don't feel that I fit...

    What's up with this God fellow and why does he taunt me so?

    I would LOVE to beleive in something, have a community of a sort and have that feeling of safety, calm and acceptance that people can find with religion but it just doesn't click. Part of this is because I feel that who I AM doesn't quite jive correctly with a lot of religions- for some I'm too exhuberant and fascinated by sensory experiences, for some I am an evil sinful harlot... and I can't stand the idea of a religion that would send anyone to Hell... if I couldn't do it I sure as hell don't want to beleive in a God who would

    And it's not that I'm an atheist either- I beleive in something- just the thought that I can't quite put my finger on it really bugs me... religions fascinate me, I love reading about them, but I can't manage to fit in

    What sort of sick bastard of a deity would do that to a person?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #2
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    I despise organized religion and left the catholic church shortly after i was confirmed when I was 18. Its funny... I have recently gotten the want to get into charity work, which is funny because now i need the church i dont believe in again just so i can help people out lol... its pretty cool and I keep my agnosticism under wraps and most people just dont realize i dont ever talk about jesus.


    And I dont think you have to worry about going to hell... thats just a boogey man the Christians picked up from the Greeks to scare peasants into their tithes. You cans ee how serious they took it by looking up hell reprieves for money from the church.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  3. #3
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Just make up a new one. The Church of Whatever. That's got a pretty great ring to it, if I say so myself.

    You ever read Franny and Zooey, by...Salinger maybe? I forget. You might like it actually, it's pretty quick too, you can probably bang it out during a rainy afternoon.

    Sorry I can't help much Your needs are foreign to me.



  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I feel exactly the same way that you do. I want to believe, but I just don't feel it.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Some would argue that the fact that it bugs you that you're not feeling it means you're feeling it.

  6. #6
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Some would argue that the fact that it bugs you that you're not feeling it means you're feeling it.
    +1
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #7
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    I have never prayed in my life so I don't grasp this concept. But even if I try I am pretty sure I would not get desired results out of it.

  8. #8
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    yeah... I shouldn't have read Dante's Inferno as a child or attended church in the midwest- the idea of hell definitley leaves me paranoid even though I couldn't respect any deity who'd allow it to exist Adding a heirarchy to religion seems to have made it more creative and more evil in a way

    I think you have to be an ExxJ to start a religion I'll have to check out that book though- I haven't read Salinger since developing a strong desire to beat up Holden Caulfield in high school I'm planning on visiting the library on Wednesday anyways

    to blackcat

    to JJJ- the fact that I don't feel a CONNECTION is what's bugging me... just going through the motions is a pretty pathetic way to look at a religion- if it doesn't resonate I can't see what the point is
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    I have never prayed in my life so I don't grasp this concept. But even if I try I am pretty sure I would not get desired results out of it.
    It doesn't really count if the only reason you're doing it is to get something out of it.

    It seems like many folks want to make God into some sort of genie that fits conveniently in their back pocket. Something they can take out whenever they need something or want to feel better about life, but that goes back into hiding the rest of the time.

    I've heard it best put this way, God isn't there to deliver you from your troubles, but to deliver you through them.

    I'm of the opinion that spirituality can be whatever you want it to be. Do what works for you, whether that is meditating on your own, or going to church or w/e.

    It's all about what works for you, makes you happy, and helps you to become a better person.

    I hope that wasn't as confusing as it sounded in my head.

  10. #10
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Discovering God is as much about discovering yourself as it is about anything outside yourself, I have found. I looked for God for years as a physical presence because everyone would always talk about FEELING God's presence, but I never could find anything like that exactly. Like holy rays of light shining down or something...

    You have said that you just can't hate humanity, that you find people so fascinating... that could be a direction for you to take on your spiritual journey. Other synonyms for "God" could be love/kindness, clarity, balance, discovery, passion, wholeness. We are all so different, so of course there are many paths.

    Anyway, I don't think the idea of spirituality is antithetical to pleasure either.



    ACK. I do not have time to make this make sense right now... sorry.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

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