Do you ever..... ??? (insecurities revealed)

[targobelle]

go through life just feeling invisible? Like people only see your smile or your face but that they never see you? Never see who is behind the 'mask'. It seems like people are so busy running that they never stop to listen or to hear what you're saying. As of late I just feel that I am invisible. Do you think it's society as a whole that walks through life like that? Do you think it's a predisposed sort of thing for specific MBTI types? Or do you just think it's a case by case situation?

 

[Domino]

I don't know what to say, T. I've felt miserable and invisible off and on most of my life, and it usually stemmed from the neglect of someone important. Like my parents. Or my boyfriend. Or the love I should have been showing myself, but didn't know how to. In the end, it came down to me. I had to be comfortable with myself, alone with myself, just me. No, that doesn't cure the lonely sensation. But it does curb it.

I like myself just fine and if anyone's got a problem with that, I'll turn around so they can pick a cheek and bite it.

And as to the "invisibility" heaped on you by society, if you're not tall, young, augmented, fake-baked, and rich, welcome to the club of outcasts with the rest of us. You wouldn't want to belong to that caste anyway. It's punishing and phony.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I feel pretty invisible.
And muted, too.

 

[miss fortune]

for all of you guys!

I've actually never felt invisible that I can think of- if I'm feeling good about myself I automatically assume that everyone looking my direction is noting that I do indeed look awesome and if I'm feeling bad about myself I assume that they're all mentally criticizing me (vicious cycle either way).

I don't know if it has anything to do with the MBTI- I'll actually look into it a bit!

 

[substitute]

go through life just feeling invisible? Like people only see your smile or your face but that they never see you? Never see who is behind the 'mask'.

In the immortal words of PinkPiranha, "read my blog, sparky"

Yes, I do have that feeling a lot, though a lot less now than I used to. But I used to say ever since I was a kid that I felt like there was this glass tube around me that went with me everywhere I went, so that I could see other people and they could see me, but we could never hear each other properly and never touch.

My brother is ENFP as well, and though he doesn't explicitly say it, I do think he suffers from the same thing as you here, and I think actually it's largely because he just keeps so much to himself. I think he's just so afraid of not being liked, that he keeps anything serious or negative (IHO) or just anything he thinks might bring people down, to himself. He doesn't want to be thought of as a person who brings people down, he likes to be the fun one that everyone likes. I try to tell him that it wont detract a single bit from how much people like him, if he were to show that he was more than just a smile on legs - in fact it'd make them like and respect him more - but he doesn't listen.

I also never take my own advice.

I don't share as much as I could with people, because I fear they will misunderstand. Because usually, they do. I also fear that nobody cares, y'know? That people just laugh at me and I'm not important enough for anyone to bother listening to or caring about. I guess I've just had so much hurt... if I were to really build a bridge of blood and nails across to reach aother person only to find nobody there on the other side, I think it'd finish me off.

So I keep the mask up, and let people think I'm just a cheerful guy, the irrepressible, the one who keeps going no matter what... and I let them keep on thinking it's just a joke when I say my tombstone should say on it "This life was brought to you by caffeine and alcohol". Cos it's easier...

I do have plans though, to fall apart and break myself open eventually, and learn to trust... but it'll be in years to come when I'll be in an environment when it's safe to do so and I needn't fear being abandoned or not listened to or not cared about.

I guess it's ENxP's job to be the sad clown

 

[targobelle]

I'll be back to reply indepth here, honestly I will get back to this...

but you're right I think ENxP's are just that..... the sad clown, and 2 ENxP's together can get overwhelming, I think ENTP's are more emotional than they let on to be

You know subbie that is exactly it. A safety mechanism wrapped around me to protect me from the pain I might emote as well as the pain I might receive. I can go back to my childhood and see where it stemmed from, but now as an adult with children of my own there is this deep seeded need within me to protect them from my pain. To help them truly experience life and enjoy it for all it has to offer.

Some how I think the only way to really do this is to step out of the bubble chamber yet fear holds me back and keeps me glued in place.

 

[targobelle]

Alright so I have a few things to add and then I will edit my post above to really respond to subbie...

This really has to do with insecurities in general and seems to be have been brought more to light with the implementation of the reputation. It would appear that now that we have these little green (or red) dots in place many people have voiced their opinions on the plus and minuses of them. People have questioned the merits of them and are wondering if it's become based on a popularity contest as opposed to the quality of the posts. Some have stated that they think the baseline posters have now changed over and the feel of the forum has changed slightly. It's interesting to see all this brought to light in regards to rep points.

 

[substitute]

I think ENTP's are more emotional than they let on to be

Absolutely! I don't deny that I'm very passionate, it's a founding part of who I am... I think 'choleric' is the description I've had 3 out of 4 shrinks use about me. I can be extremely passionate and firey-bulldozery sometimes.

I just get frustrated though sometimes because people attribute the wrong value to my emotions. I mean, just because i have them and display them, it doesn't mean I'm using them to make my judgements or decisions. It's one of the most annoying things I think about being me. I can be ignoring and dismissing my own emotions and refusing to factor them into my decisions and actions, even while I'm expansively expressing them!!

I sometimes feel like one of those marble trays they use to demonstrate the movement of atomic particles in a physics lab in high school. You can put a divider in the tray anywhere you want, anytime you want, to stop the marbles from spilling onto the other side, whilst letting them roll freely around their own side. I feel like I do that with my emotions... I let them freely roll around on the outside, to stop them from entering the inside. edit - I think ENFP's do the opposite...??

I guess that's pretty crazy huh?

Oh... and I think what BlueWing said in his ENTP profile about the effect of having Ne as a dominant function on how important other people's perceptions become to you, was incredibly insightful and very useful. He explains how it's way more than just "being shallow". I think it ties in with why those little dots can be such a huge deal to an ENxP, though any EP I think, potentially too. I'll have to see if I can find the link at some point, but it's there in the NT thread not long ago if you wanna look, though there's quite a bit to wade through to get to that part.

 

[targobelle]

Yup that sounds about right from what I have observed first hand. I think I do however need to really read more, but once chaos overwhelms me and my life I lose all ability to focus and retain coherent thought...

 

[ptgatsby]

go through life just feeling invisible? Like people only see your smile or your face but that they never see you? Never see who is behind the 'mask'. It seems like people are so busy running that they never stop to listen or to hear what you're saying. As of late I just feel that I am invisible. Do you think it's society as a whole that walks through life like that? Do you think it's a predisposed sort of thing for specific MBTI types? Or do you just think it's a case by case situation?

I can't really relate to this. For most of my life I've wanted to be invisible. But that's left over from my not so good school days.

However, I must admit that I do feel this with my family - the one group that I tried talking to. No one in my family is a very good listener and they were the only ones I could talk to.

I think that deep down inside, all of us have a need to feel special, to be acknowledged and be unique. We are suppose to have a sort of community around us, to identify it and all that. More and more, however, this has become lost in the bigger cities - the rush rush attitude that we have. Very few of us really value friendships or are willing to talk things out with our friends. There are many topics that we need to keep inside - money, sex, beliefs... we aren't free to just be ourselves.

I think that is the mask that we put on, and the longing for that kind of connection doesn't really exist anymore.

 

[targobelle]

Yah I don't really get along or fit in my with family either, nor do I fit with my husbands family, one on one it's all good once we're in a group though I get lost, as my mother in law (ESFJ {think??}) has us all in our specific roles.... UGH!

There are many topics that we need to keep inside - money, sex, beliefs... we aren't free to just be ourselves.

oddly enough my husband and i have one friend who is actually in the 'know' as far as this info goes, and interestingly enough knowing this about each other has really brought us closer as far as friends, I mean we are almost like family in that we would do anything for each other. He does at time try to stay quiet about some things but I can read him like a book

 

[substitute]

However, I must admit that I do feel this with my family - the one group that I tried talking to. No one in my family is a very good listener and they were the only ones I could talk to.

That reminds me of a recurring nightmare I've had since I was about 14. It usually runs something like this: my sister has done something terribly wrong to me. I mean really wrong like murder one of my kids in cold blood or something like that, and everyone knows it and she's not denying it at all. I run around beside myself with grief, trying to get some comfort and get justice done, but everyone in my family just laughs at me and dismisses me. They say "Oh look, there you go making mountains out of molehills all the time" and "you always hold everyone to such stupidly high standards!" and stuff like that, while my sister sits beside them on the sofa eating chips and watching TV and totally not bothered about the whole thing. I keep on screaming and screaming and crying but the more I do, the less they seem to hear me until I find that no matter how hard I try, though my throat is hoarse and sore from shouting, no sound can come out and I become invisible and everyone just ignores me and watches TV.

I think that deep down inside, all of us have a need to feel special, to be acknowledged and be unique. We are suppose to have a sort of community around us, to identify it and all that...

I agree with this. Well, sorta... I don't think people don't want the connection, I just think they think it'd be imposing on someone else, to pursue it. And too much effort. And I don't think it's necessarily a big city thing... I'm not sure what it is, but I've been to big cities in other cultures, such as Delhi, where people sit on their doorsteps and wander the streets all evening and talk to random people. It's totally acceptable there and normal to just go knock on your neighbour's door, even if you never met them before, and say "I was just feeling bored and lonely so I thought I'd come and have a drink with you", and they make tea and bring food in and stuff and you just chat.

I think there's a sorta culture in the West where independence is revered out of all proportion, so like it's considered sad and pathetic and just stupid for someone to want/need company or comfort. If I knock on my neighbour's door (some of them) they look at me the minute the open it with suspicion, they're defensive if I ask them any questions ("whose is that blue car out there?" "It's not mine!" "no? I thought maybe it was because it's parked nearest your house" "no it's definitely not mine, I always park on my drive" - they think I have some kinda problem with it automatically - "well I just wanted to let them know they left their lights on..." "Oh..."). They remind me of a kid who, when you ask "have you seen my black pen?" replies "I haven't touched it!" when you never said they did lol And if you just knock on the door and say you came by for coffee and you didn't already meet them at school/work/college/some other organized environment, they think you're crazy and creepy and stuff and make excuses to get rid of you.

I'm not sure why people do this, because i hear so many people complaining about loneliness and then see them doing these exact kinds of things.

 

[Valiant]

I've got the opposite problem, I stick out everywhere (even tho I don't try hard) and I talk way too much most of the time o.o I can't stay low. Effing impossible. Can't go shopping groceries with a hangover looking like shit without running into the whole town. Sometimes I wish people wouldn't see me comming from a mile away and rushing in to talk. At times... Like today. Huge big fat irish-style hangover.

I do agree with targo about ENXP bein the sad clown sometimes My dad's an ENTP and he is always feeling neglected, alone, bitter and overlooked... Wich is weird, because I can assure you he very much isn't ignored or overlooked

 

[Zergling]

I've kind of gotten used to seeming invisible in a lot of places, though some times it gets extremely annoying. The main annoyance I find to be when I spend some time coming up with some sort of idea, or something else to say, put it out into the world, and it gets swallowed up and ignored by a bunch of people goofing around. (This is a more internet oriented example.) It is also annoying in situations where I am not much of a talker, but do occasionally have something to say, yet it gets ignored by all the other bigger talkers, almost as if the only way to ever get noticed is to make loud noises all the time.

I don't really see this as an issue with independence/city life as much as an issue with difficulties taking a step back and thinking about things, or laziness that leads people to only focus on their own group or on whatever makes the loudest bang, instead of stepping back and taking more in.

 

[Sandy]

go through life just feeling invisible? Like people only see your smile or your face but that they never see you? Never see who is behind the 'mask'. It seems like people are so busy running that they never stop to listen or to hear what you're saying. As of late I just feel that I am invisible. Do you think it's society as a whole that walks through life like that? Do you think it's a predisposed sort of thing for specific MBTI types? Or do you just think it's a case by case situation?

It's the story of much of my life. Sometimes I think it's just me, though.

 

[miss fortune]

I really think that my feelings of being noticed probably stem from the fact that I notice everything and everyone around me at all times (Se perhaps?)- it seems from looking at responses so far that it's the Ss who feel more visible and the Ns more invisible, that's just a guess though!

 

[Domino]

I really think that my feelings of being noticed probably stem from the fact that I notice everything and everyone around me at all times (Se perhaps?)- it seems from looking at responses so far that it's the Ss who feel more visible and the Ns more invisible, that's just a guess though!

I concur. The level of inherent disconnect experienced by the N is certainly part of the problem. Ss are naturally more "in the moment" and grounded, so they would be less likely to suffer from "invisibility".

My ESTJ mother calls it "insubstantial". She means, immaterial. Almost like vapor. She doesn't say it to be mean. I think she's made a good statement there. Ns *are* pretty ethereal or ephemeral.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I definitely feel invisible. But as a pathologically shy INTJ, that's my fault, not anyone else's. Truth be told, it's more comfortable for me to be invisible, even if it's not the best thing for me.

 

[alcea rosea]

go through life just feeling invisible? Like people only see your smile or your face but that they never see you? Never see who is behind the 'mask'. It seems like people are so busy running that they never stop to listen or to hear what you're saying. As of late I just feel that I am invisible. Do you think it's society as a whole that walks through life like that? Do you think it's a predisposed sort of thing for specific MBTI types? Or do you just think it's a case by case situation?

I don't know if it is the same thing but I feel transparent very often (as I said in my blog that I just started). I feel like people see through me as if I was too open and some of them leach my energy and abuse my emotional responses.

 

[INTJMom]

I don't know that I've ever had the word "invisible" pop into my feelings, but I know I've felt unloved, unwanted, rejected, and alone for most of my life. Is that the same thing?

I think the N types might struggle with this more than the S types. As an N, we tend to pay more attention to life "below the surface". That ability to feel invisible in a room full of people must come from our awareness of and attention to the iNtuitive part of relationships. I know I have a deep hunger to be known and understood to my innermost depths. Feeling misunderstood, or not understood, makes me feel alone.