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  1. #1
    Ginkgo
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    Thumbs down The Tale of the Hedonistic Doodoo

    This morning, Bob arose with a mighty lump in his abdomen, yearning to breach from his slothful body. And there he sat, for 6 hours, clenching a moaning as he created a giant, nebulous doodoo in the firmament of the waters below him. He was greatly pleased and relieved; so for the 7th hour he collapsed and rested.

    After he awoke and returned, Bob noticed clusters of bacterium congregating on his creation. So, in his neurotic state, he decided to solicit a conversation with these little guests. He tried whispering, yelling, and even shook the toilet bowl a bit. Still, no response. Bob wondered, "Why won't they acknowledge me??" So he flushed the boisterous brown bastard down - but it clogged and bobbled up afresh, barely slaked. "That oughta get them to remember me", he thought.

    A few hours later, Bob came back to his commode with tiny microchips transcribed just for the bacterium. After all, Bob was a compassionate and loving host - the least he could do was provide a decent mode of communication. Still, the bacterium could not fathom the depths of his message. Instead, they studied their scatted surroundings to try and "survive" in their environment.

    "What is this?! They should know ME as their Creator! All other things are stupid!", Bob exclaimed.

    So Bob twiddles his thumbs, anticipating that some day, the bacterium will heed his message. Then, when they least expect it, he will sling his dastardly doodoo into his microwave oven (not before harvesting the good ones who praise him) for 14 minutes - which will seem like a waking eternity to them.

    Foolish bacterium. You should have known better.

  2. #2
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    However Bob could not have created "it" on his own. He needed the energy of food to begin with. So really is it Bob's creation, or is it a collective creation of many different variables?

    Really, TT you and the mental pictures. *sigh* I may have to take you up on that "hat" someday soon...
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  3. #3
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lux View Post
    However Bob could not have created "it" on his own. He needed the energy of food to begin with. So really is it Bob's creation, or is it a collective creation of many different variables?

    Really, TT you and the mental pictures. *sigh* I may have to take you up on that "hat" someday soon...
    Bob works in mysterious ways. Except to himself, for Bob knows all. Bob never confuses Bob.

    Elaborate on this... "hat day"... is it lucrative?

  4. #4
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tater Typhoon View Post
    This morning, Bob arose with a mighty lump in his abdomen, yearning to breach from his slothful body. And there he sat, for 6 hours, clenching a moaning as he created a giant, nebulous doodoo in the firmament of the waters below him. He was greatly pleased and relieved; so for the 7th hour he collapsed and rested.

    After he awoke and returned, Bob noticed clusters of bacterium congregating on his creation. So, in his neurotic state, he decided to solicit a conversation with these little guests. He tried whispering, yelling, and even shook the toilet bowl a bit. Still, no response. Bob wondered, "Why won't they acknowledge me??" So he flushed the boisterous brown bastard down - but it clogged and bobbled up afresh, barely slaked. "That oughta get them to remember me", he thought.

    A few hours later, Bob came back to his commode with tiny microchips transcribed just for the bacterium. After all, Bob was a compassionate and loving host - the least he could do was provide a decent mode of communication. Still, the bacterium could not fathom the depths of his message. Instead, they studied their scatted surroundings to try and "survive" in their environment.

    "What is this?! They should know ME as their Creator! All other things are stupid!", Bob exclaimed.

    So Bob twiddles his thumbs, anticipating that some day, the bacterium will heed his message. Then, when they least expect it, he will sling his dastardly doodoo into his microwave oven (not before harvesting the good ones who praise him) for 14 minutes - which will seem like a waking eternity to them.

    Foolish bacterium. You should have known better.
    I see what you did there!

    I wonder what Peguy thinks?

  5. #5
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    This story brought to you by bacterium, your #1 source for news about Bob and his doodoo.

  6. #6
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    *has concluded that bob has no common sense... or sense of smell*
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  7. #7
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    am i the only one to notice the religious undertones here?

  8. #8
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    am i the only one to notice the religious undertones here?
    No, not at all, that was my entire point!
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  9. #9
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babylon Candle View Post
    am i the only one to notice the religious undertones here?
    I noticed, but pretending to be obtuse is so much more fun!

    I mean, if I'm supposed to be dumb I might as well occasionally indulge you guys by playing the part
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #10
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    *hi fives whatever*

    Wasn't there an episode of Punky Brewster with this EXACT theme?
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

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