What is the Root of Personal Development?

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Where does it all begin? What's the first and most important step a personal can take in their quest for contentment? Is it something internal like a realization or attitude or being present, or something external like having your own space or being close to nature? Why is that thing so important?

* * *

A few things on my mind are self-respect, kindness, skepticism, hope, and having a healthy and sensible dinner vision of where you want to end up. I suppose some of these might be more appropriate than others, but having a good idea of where you want to get to is probably the most critical thing, because if you have that, you can figure out how your life is different and begin developing some of the other qualities and factors that are inherent in that final vision.

 

[Moiety]

Recognizing your weaknesses and what makes you happy.

For example, I'm stuck in a rut. I have poor follow-through, I don't like doing things out of obligation and my current environment suffocates me.

Enter traveling. As soon as I can I'm gonna try and study in an european exchange program. New environment, new possibilities, new people.

All things my Ne craves and has been constantly denied throughout life in a small city that that bores me to death, in a major that I hate etc


EDIT: In MBTI terms I think the second function is key to know what to do. In my case, what feels right. In an ENTJs case pursuing his vision. In an ISFPs case to pursue clay modelling or something...

 

[Lux]

For myself, with my personal development, it is taking responsibility for my own life. Seeing that no matter what is thrown at me, I can make something better out of it. Seeing that all of the hard/bad/awful experiences make me who I am, just as much as the easy/good/wonderful ones do.

Recognizing that anything bad can be seen as an opportunity for growth, and to mentally or emotionally evolve.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Recognizing your weaknesses and what makes you happy.

For example, I'm stuck in a rut. I have poor follow-through, I don't like doing things out of obligation and my current environment suffocates me.

Enter traveling. As soon as I can I'm gonna try and study in an european exchange program. New environment, new possibilities, new people.

All things my Ne craves and has been constantly denied throughout life in a small city that that bores me to death, in a major that I hate etc

This brings up a very important questions -- how does one know what makes them happy? How can a person distinguish between what makes them truly happy, and what makes fleeting moments of happiness?

An addict might decide that drugs make him happy. It's convenient to say "let him decide on his own," but I actually don't think being high is a deep state of happiness. It takes moments of honesty and reflection for an addict to see the difference between being high and being really happy and then mustering the willpower to pursue the latter.

In that case, should we say that the root of personal development is KNOWING what true happiness looks like?

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

For myself, with my personal development, it is taking responsibility for my own life. Seeing that no matter what is thrown at me, I can make something better out of it. Seeing that all of the hard/bad/awful experiences make me who I am, just as much as the easy/good/wonderful ones do.

Recognizing that anything bad can be seen as an opportunity for growth, and to mentally or emotionally evolve.

That sounds like a nice recipe for closure and hope. I like it. Have you read anything by Victor Frankl? Logotherapy, his theory, has a similar theme.

 

[Jaguar]

The day I become content, I may as well be dead.

 

[Lux]

That sounds like a nice recipe for closure and hope. I like it. Have you read anything by Victor Frankl? Logotherapy, his theory, has a similar theme.

No I have not read anything by him. *Jots down note*

Sometimes closure and hope outweigh happiness. I am not exactly sure happiness is the key to my personal development, or even the end goal. I think perhaps balance is more necessary for myself.

 

[Lady_X]

i think that's an important start yeah...you have to know the goal to achieve it.

and i think like sy said recognizing your weaknesses or limitations...knowing your unhealthy habits...like me as a 7 is distraction...bad feeling...distract myself...never deal with it...knowing that i need to recognize when i'm doing it and go through it...it's so instinctual tho...feels like it will be a life long lesson...so knowing it...accepting it...going through the process and growing from it and behaving differently and work towards those healthy goals that make you happy.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

No I have not read anything by him. *Jots down note*

Sometimes closure and hope outweigh happiness. I am not exactly sure happiness is the key to my personal development, or even the end goal. I think perhaps balance is more necessary for myself.

Balance between what and what?

 

[Moiety]

This brings up a very important questions -- how does one know what makes them happy? How can a person distinguish between what makes them truly happy, and what makes fleeting moments of happiness?

An addict might decide that drugs make him happy. It's convenient to say "let him decide on his own," but I actually don't think being high is a deep state of happiness. It takes moments of honesty and reflection for an addict to see the difference between being high and being really happy and then mustering the willpower to pursue the latter.

In that case, should we say that the root of personal development is KNOWING what true happiness looks like?

You hit the nail right in the head. The only problem I have overcoming lack of content is knowing whether I'm gravitating towards ephemeral happiness or if I'm actually laying strong foundations for sustainable happiness and/or content.

Personally I play my assigned ENFP role really poorly. I deny my Ne instincts all the time. So lately I've become sort of fascinated with changing that. But it will probably only grant me temporary highs.

So I look deeper. Hmm...what I really want isn't to be in a different city. I'm just sick of the same people all day long and feel lonely. Hmm...what I really like is not some unproductive lazy ass that can't finish a major simply because he doesn't love it to death. I just lack motivation to do it.

It is my firm believe that to me, sustained happiness will consist of surrounding myself of people, making friends, in a place where I can try out different things than I have here in my hometown and in a job that will grant me a certain degree of creative freedom.

But smelling the roses is very important. Instead of drowning in "high" city though, I will myself to occasionally try something ephemeral ...to experience...so that I can more accurately understand what I really like in life.



I'd say the true root of personal development IS knowing what true happiness looks like. Which is exactly the same thing as knowing yourself. And the best place to start is to name all the things one does NOT like.

 

[Lux]

Balance between what and what?

For me it is balance with many things. A few of my big ones are:

Thoughts / emotions.
Mind / body.
Strength / vulnerability.
Independence / dependence.
Love / apathy.
Hard / soft.
Hot / cold.

I'm sure I'll think of more as soon as I hit, "Submit Reply."

Good topic by the way.

 

[Arclight]

Where does it all begin? What's the first and most important step a personal can take in their quest for contentment? Is it something internal like a realization or attitude or being present, or something external like having your own space or being close to nature? Why is that thing so important?

* * *

A few things on my mind are self-respect, kindness, skepticism, hope, and having a healthy and sensible dinner vision of where you want to end up. I suppose some of these might be more appropriate than others, but having a good idea of where you want to get to is probably the most critical thing, because if you have that, you can figure out how your life is different and begin developing some of the other qualities and factors that are inherent in that final vision.

Before you can find yourself.. you have to find yourself.. Know what I mean?

The 1st step is surrendering your identity.. Look at it this way.. No one likes anyone who has a lot of baggage.. And your identity is baggage.. its what you carry with you from your past experiences .. you say it defines you.. and it does.. by not allowing you to grow.. drop your baggage and engage each moment for its actual truth, not some preconceived truth. each moment is a chance to discover a higher truth and with it a new identity to suit each moment..

"Man is not a creature of circumstances.. but rather circumstances are the creatures of man" Benjamin Disraeli

Trade in your self identity for real self value.
Don't focus on the whats and hows.. but rather on the whys of life..
Stop judging and replace judgment with evaluation.. Stop seeing how the bigger picture relates to you.. and instead see how you relate to the bigger picture..
Good luck.. My brain is fried just trying to grasp the actual scope of what I am talking about

 

[KDude]

Things tend to just get better if I step outside. That should probably be my "first step". If I'm in a rut, then it's probably best if I just simply get out of the rut first..in a real way. I'll encounter something or someone new, or it just might change how I'm approaching a problem simply by being in a different environment for awhile.

I don't necessary follow this completely though.. Sometimes I get bogged down worrying about what may be out there or what will happen if I do this or that. If I looked at any positive development in my past though, I generally achieved it the first way. Or someone else placed me in an environment that brought about change (especially when I was younger... via parents). If I wanted to get in top shape, I shouldn't create a plan. I should just drive to the gym and talk to a trainer. If I wanted a band, I should bug my friends and get a jam going. If I needed to raise grades, I'd get a tutor. If wanted to win the lotto, then maybe I should buy a lotto ticket at least

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Before you can find yourself.. you have to find yourself.. Know what I mean?

The 1st step is surrendering your identity.. Look at it this way.. No one likes anyone who has a lot of baggage.. And your identity is baggage.. its what you carry with you from your past experiences .. you say it defines you.. and it does.. by not allowing you to grow.. drop your baggage and engage each moment for its actual truth, not some preconceived truth. each moment is a chance to discover a higher truth and with it a new identity to suit each moment..

"Man is not a creature of circumstances.. but rather circumstances are the creatures of man" Benjamin Disraeli

Trade in your self identity for real self value.
Don't focus on the whats and hows.. but rather on the whys of life..
Stop judging and replace judgment with evaluation.. Stop seeing how the bigger picture relates to you.. and instead see how you relate to the bigger picture..
Good luck.. My brain is fried just trying to grasp the actual scope of what I am talking about

Those are excellent points. I personally group all that stuff under the rubric of "closure," since carrying an identity, especially one that creates friction, is a way to revive the past over and over. Letting go of that identity gives you an opportunity to respond differently, in a new way.

Do you think that's the first step, or is there something a person must do before? I mean, obviously they need to identify the identity they've been holding on to. Does that take honesty? Is being honest enough to lead a person to discard their identity?

 

[Arclight]

Those are excellent points. I personally group all that stuff under the rubric of "closure," since carrying an identity, especially one that creates friction, is a way to revive the past over and over. Letting go of that identity gives you an opportunity to respond differently, in a new way.

Do you think that's the first step, or is there something a person must do before? I mean, obviously they need to identify the identity they've been holding on to. Does that take honesty? Is being honest enough to lead a person to discard their identity?

I am still working on it myself.. But I have had a sort of breakthrough in understanding that my "identity" and all it's preconceptions have not allowed to grow and engage my self value, that what I hold as truth is actually farcical and that it is a product of judgment (mine and others) and that judgment needs to be replaced by evaluation .. no more whats and hows..but rather filling my up thoughts with whys instead .. when you ask why.. honesty starts to become a natural byproduct, and with the honesty you can finally start to see how your identity has not served you or others.

It is this kind of thinking that has broke my depression and is seeming to solve my existential crisis..
I am simply dropping my baggage .. Even if it's not so simple..

Ask why.. and then listen

 

[Salomé]

Where does it all begin? What's the first and most important step a personal can take

Learn to spell/proof read.

 

[Moiety]

Learn to spell/proof read.

Phew, for a moment there I thought Morgan had something to contribute in terms of personal development. I'm glad we still have two years till apocalypse.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Nice post...

You hit the nail right in the head. The only problem I have overcoming lack of content is knowing whether I'm gravitating towards ephemeral happiness or if I'm actually laying strong foundations for sustainable happiness and/or content.

Personally I play my assigned ENFP role really poorly. I deny my Ne instincts all the time. So lately I've become sort of fascinated with changing that. But it will probably only grant me temporary highs.

Intuition and gut feelings are strange things. I sometimes have trouble telling apart my thoughts and intuition, but I think that if I'm not sure what it is, it's probably more my thoughts than my intuition. That wasn't really a direct response to what you said, just a side point. I agree with you that following your intuition is important. I also think that that intuitive understand of what you need to be doing DEPENDS on a clear understanding or vision of what it means to be content or at peace.

So I look deeper. Hmm...what I really want isn't to be in a different city. I'm just sick of the same people all day long and feel lonely. Hmm...what I really like is not some unproductive lazy ass that can't finish a major simply because he doesn't love it to death. I just lack motivation to do it.

This is another possible root of self-improvement -- focus. If you're too busy collecting and chasing thoughts, you can't stop to see what's going on and what you need to do.

It is my firm believe that to me, sustained happiness will consist of surrounding myself of people, making friends, in a place where I can try out different things than I have here in my hometown and in a job that will grant me a certain degree of creative freedom.

Nice. That feel very authentic to me. Good luck to you.

I'd say the true root of personal development IS knowing what true happiness looks like. Which is exactly the same thing as knowing yourself. And the best place to start is to name all the things one does NOT like.

Do you think that knowing yourself is something you can arrive at through a process of elimination, which is essentially a cognitive exercise, or do you think it's something you have to arrive at through intuition? No Exit discussed SURRENDERING your self-concept to figure out who you are. As I see it, that requires you abandon all cognitive attempts to capture your personality and just see what's left. Cognition might come in at that point in time, but it's less frenetic and more focused.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Learn to spell/proof read.

That would have been funnyer if you included a typo somewhere between "proof" and "read."

 

[Salomé]

^You is the master.

Phew, for a moment there I thought Morgan had something to contribute in terms of personal development. I'm glad we still have two years till apocalypse.

LOL. I don't understand all this NF talk. I contribute what I can in the way of nitpickery.