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  1. #11
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    Balance between what and what?
    For me it is balance with many things. A few of my big ones are:

    Thoughts / emotions.
    Mind / body.
    Strength / vulnerability.
    Independence / dependence.
    Love / apathy.
    Hard / soft.
    Hot / cold.

    I'm sure I'll think of more as soon as I hit, "Submit Reply."

    Good topic by the way.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    Where does it all begin? What's the first and most important step a personal can take in their quest for contentment? Is it something internal like a realization or attitude or being present, or something external like having your own space or being close to nature? Why is that thing so important?

    * * *

    A few things on my mind are self-respect, kindness, skepticism, hope, and having a healthy and sensible dinner vision of where you want to end up. I suppose some of these might be more appropriate than others, but having a good idea of where you want to get to is probably the most critical thing, because if you have that, you can figure out how your life is different and begin developing some of the other qualities and factors that are inherent in that final vision.
    Before you can find yourself.. you have to find yourself.. Know what I mean?

    The 1st step is surrendering your identity.. Look at it this way.. No one likes anyone who has a lot of baggage.. And your identity is baggage.. its what you carry with you from your past experiences .. you say it defines you.. and it does.. by not allowing you to grow.. drop your baggage and engage each moment for its actual truth, not some preconceived truth. each moment is a chance to discover a higher truth and with it a new identity to suit each moment..

    "Man is not a creature of circumstances.. but rather circumstances are the creatures of man" Benjamin Disraeli

    Trade in your self identity for real self value.
    Don't focus on the whats and hows.. but rather on the whys of life..
    Stop judging and replace judgment with evaluation.. Stop seeing how the bigger picture relates to you.. and instead see how you relate to the bigger picture..
    Good luck.. My brain is fried just trying to grasp the actual scope of what I am talking about

  3. #13
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Things tend to just get better if I step outside. That should probably be my "first step". If I'm in a rut, then it's probably best if I just simply get out of the rut first..in a real way. :P I'll encounter something or someone new, or it just might change how I'm approaching a problem simply by being in a different environment for awhile.

    I don't necessary follow this completely though.. Sometimes I get bogged down worrying about what may be out there or what will happen if I do this or that. If I looked at any positive development in my past though, I generally achieved it the first way. Or someone else placed me in an environment that brought about change (especially when I was younger... via parents). If I wanted to get in top shape, I shouldn't create a plan. I should just drive to the gym and talk to a trainer. If I wanted a band, I should bug my friends and get a jam going. If I needed to raise grades, I'd get a tutor. If wanted to win the lotto, then maybe I should buy a lotto ticket at least :P

  4. #14
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by No Exit View Post
    Before you can find yourself.. you have to find yourself.. Know what I mean?

    The 1st step is surrendering your identity.. Look at it this way.. No one likes anyone who has a lot of baggage.. And your identity is baggage.. its what you carry with you from your past experiences .. you say it defines you.. and it does.. by not allowing you to grow.. drop your baggage and engage each moment for its actual truth, not some preconceived truth. each moment is a chance to discover a higher truth and with it a new identity to suit each moment..

    "Man is not a creature of circumstances.. but rather circumstances are the creatures of man" Benjamin Disraeli

    Trade in your self identity for real self value.
    Don't focus on the whats and hows.. but rather on the whys of life..
    Stop judging and replace judgment with evaluation.. Stop seeing how the bigger picture relates to you.. and instead see how you relate to the bigger picture..
    Good luck.. My brain is fried just trying to grasp the actual scope of what I am talking about
    Those are excellent points. I personally group all that stuff under the rubric of "closure," since carrying an identity, especially one that creates friction, is a way to revive the past over and over. Letting go of that identity gives you an opportunity to respond differently, in a new way.

    Do you think that's the first step, or is there something a person must do before? I mean, obviously they need to identify the identity they've been holding on to. Does that take honesty? Is being honest enough to lead a person to discard their identity?

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    Those are excellent points. I personally group all that stuff under the rubric of "closure," since carrying an identity, especially one that creates friction, is a way to revive the past over and over. Letting go of that identity gives you an opportunity to respond differently, in a new way.

    Do you think that's the first step, or is there something a person must do before? I mean, obviously they need to identify the identity they've been holding on to. Does that take honesty? Is being honest enough to lead a person to discard their identity?
    I am still working on it myself.. But I have had a sort of breakthrough in understanding that my "identity" and all it's preconceptions have not allowed to grow and engage my self value, that what I hold as truth is actually farcical and that it is a product of judgment (mine and others) and that judgment needs to be replaced by evaluation .. no more whats and hows..but rather filling my up thoughts with whys instead .. when you ask why.. honesty starts to become a natural byproduct, and with the honesty you can finally start to see how your identity has not served you or others.

    It is this kind of thinking that has broke my depression and is seeming to solve my existential crisis..
    I am simply dropping my baggage .. Even if it's not so simple..

    Ask why.. and then listen

  6. #16
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    Where does it all begin? What's the first and most important step a personal can take
    Learn to spell/proof read.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Learn to spell/proof read.
    Phew, for a moment there I thought Morgan had something to contribute in terms of personal development. I'm glad we still have two years till apocalypse.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Nice post...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    You hit the nail right in the head. The only problem I have overcoming lack of content is knowing whether I'm gravitating towards ephemeral happiness or if I'm actually laying strong foundations for sustainable happiness and/or content.

    Personally I play my assigned ENFP role really poorly. I deny my Ne instincts all the time. So lately I've become sort of fascinated with changing that. But it will probably only grant me temporary highs.
    Intuition and gut feelings are strange things. I sometimes have trouble telling apart my thoughts and intuition, but I think that if I'm not sure what it is, it's probably more my thoughts than my intuition. That wasn't really a direct response to what you said, just a side point. I agree with you that following your intuition is important. I also think that that intuitive understand of what you need to be doing DEPENDS on a clear understanding or vision of what it means to be content or at peace.

    So I look deeper. Hmm...what I really want isn't to be in a different city. I'm just sick of the same people all day long and feel lonely. Hmm...what I really like is not some unproductive lazy ass that can't finish a major simply because he doesn't love it to death. I just lack motivation to do it.
    This is another possible root of self-improvement -- focus. If you're too busy collecting and chasing thoughts, you can't stop to see what's going on and what you need to do.

    It is my firm believe that to me, sustained happiness will consist of surrounding myself of people, making friends, in a place where I can try out different things than I have here in my hometown and in a job that will grant me a certain degree of creative freedom.
    Nice. That feel very authentic to me. Good luck to you.

    I'd say the true root of personal development IS knowing what true happiness looks like. Which is exactly the same thing as knowing yourself. And the best place to start is to name all the things one does NOT like.
    Do you think that knowing yourself is something you can arrive at through a process of elimination, which is essentially a cognitive exercise, or do you think it's something you have to arrive at through intuition? No Exit discussed SURRENDERING your self-concept to figure out who you are. As I see it, that requires you abandon all cognitive attempts to capture your personality and just see what's left. Cognition might come in at that point in time, but it's less frenetic and more focused.

  9. #19
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Learn to spell/proof read.
    That would have been funnyer if you included a typo somewhere between "proof" and "read."

  10. #20
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^You is the master.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Phew, for a moment there I thought Morgan had something to contribute in terms of personal development. I'm glad we still have two years till apocalypse.
    LOL. I don't understand all this NF talk. I contribute what I can in the way of nitpickery.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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