Teenage Sex

[Lux]

Haha, I have a link for you too:

Trashing Teens | Psychology Today

It's an interview with psychologist Robert Epstein, a champion of adolescent rights and research.

Thank you I'll look at it later. I always like to learn more. Things and research always change, that is what makes science great.

 

[ChildoftheProphets]

Thank you I'll look at it later. I always like to learn more. Things and research always change, that is what makes science great.

You're very welcome, and when it comes to science and learning, me too.

 

[Antimony]

Sex in and of itself is never a bad thing.. I voted bad on this, however, because you're putting adult situations and decisions into teenage territory.

While it has adult consequences, why is this an adult situation?

Teenagers jump into things without ever thinking about them..

They do...but not all of them.

You (I mean the 'talking about people in general' you) have your whole damn life to have sex, why complicate high school more than it already is? Why not wait until you're at least an adult? It's what.. another.. 2.. 3 years of your entire 80 year life span? It's selfish, imo.

Sorry, it isn't me I am asking for. I just wanted some opinions. Why would this complicate things? Or how?

There are adult consequences that are forced onto teenagers with this subject. And that's why I think it's bad. They're not, 90% of the time, equipped to handle the consequences. .. And I don't think anyone should make decisions without being able to handle the consequences of those decisions in their entirety.

I wasn't asking about the consequences. I meant the act. The consequences can be prevented within reason.

 

[Antimony]

Yeah Antimony, I have given some thought to the variation in maturity levels. Certainly there are some teenagers out there who are much more grown up than adults. On the other hand:

1) What are the chances that their partner also is that mature? (boys notoriously mature more slowly and if you are limited to the guys in your community, you might just be hooped)

Haha, generally, it isn't likely. I understand where you are coming from.

2) In retrospect, although I had many things I was good at, was well liked in highschool, came from a secure home situation and was pretty confident, I not only changed a lot, but became much more confident over the next few years. There were some situations at that time which I hadn't had the opportunity to "script" myself with what I could/would say to handle awkward situations and in some cases I walked into situations that could potentially have turned out badly (but which I figured would be fine or just went into because I wasn't sure of how to get out of easily). I realize you are quite a different type than me, but ended up being glad that I did put off that part of life at that point in time.

Like I have said, I am talking about others (advice is however, always great). But I see what you mean, yet again. Haha, scripts. I burn them all, all of them! Every last one!

3) One of the reasons I don't think it's a great idea is that most of the women I know regret who their first partner was or the circumstances under which they first had sex. I realize there are some who don't feel that way, but a lot more do.

I wasn't really talking about women. Well, yeah, I guess it can, more than likely, hurt the woman in question. So I guess it is bad for a lot of women. I am always curious as to what types tend to not care as much, even though they are women.

4) You're the one in the best condition to look out for your own emotional/physical best interests. You teach people how to treat you and when you look out for your own safety and well-being, others tend to follow suit.

That is the advice I find a lot. 12 and 13 is a little ridiculous to me. I know someone who lost it at 13. Her life is going down the drain.

Thank you for your opinions/facts

 

[lowtech redneck]

There's a time and place for everything, and its called college.

 

[Fidelia]

Antimony! How'd you get in my bed? Well, since you're here anyway, shall we tell some ghost stories?

Wait, so you're not asking about this for personal reasons? Just generally thinking out your position on the whole thing when you are talking to other people and taking in any information you may not have or which you would like to mull over?

I suppose one of the reasons that sex may affect women differently than men is just for physiological reasons. They take longer to get turned on than for men (without being turned on, sex can be uncomfortable), and because womens' genitalia isn't just hanging out there, it requires a little more knowledge for both partners to know what to do to make it a satisfying experience for her (not as immediately obvious if what you are doing is working or not. This is further complicated by the fact that what works one time, doesn't always the next!). Many guys that age are just kind of pleased if they get a chance to have sex and don't have either the physical control (and sometimes not the maturity) to think of their partner as well.

It's a big generalization, but I think many women find sex harder to compartmentalize as easily, and so their emotions can play a bigger role in their decision making. I think men find emotion harder to compartmentalize (hence why they are not likely to have a lot of people they confide in or really bond closely with emotionally, compared to women). Definitely though, I'd say there are some personality types of women that may find it easier to compartmentalize emotion from sex. My first guess would be T types. What do you think?

I also have heard that Europeans tend to be more open to their teenagers openly having sex, and even having boyfriends or girlfriends staying over at the family home. When I lived on the reserve, I found the same phenomenon - kids at 13 were moving in with their boyfriend or girlfriend's family and everyone was cool with it. In that case, it resulted in a lot of pregnancy. (Many people there weren't big on planning ahead and there wasn't much stigma with being a teen parent. Grandparents were happy to babysit, or even take over raising the resulting offspring.) I'm not sure how Europeans deal with the emotional aspect of it, although I would expect the birth control part is not too big of a deal.

 

[Bubbles]

I can't imagine having sex in high school, but I realize I'm in the minority, haha.

Sex is a tricky thing. Basically, anyone you ask about sex will probably have a different opinion on when it's okay, when it's not, what it means, what sex actually IS, what losing virginity is, etc.

I think if you go into sex in high school expecting a super-intimate emotional relationship as a prerequisite of sex, you'll probably not get that, and be disappointed. You can achieve that, of course, but like fidelia mentioned, lots of people at that age aren't quite that "mature," for lack of a better word. Sometimes people in high school think when the partner wants to have sex, it's to have sex, whereas the other person is thinking, "Oh! We're serious now! He must really really love me." Which isn't always the case. At the same time, I can name several people who have had intimate sexual high school relationships that have carried over to college and to adulthood and remained successful (from what I can see). They're just not the majority, though.

I also know people who also just don't have a huge emotional-attachment to sex itself. They can have sex for fun, or have sex in a good relationship, but they don't let the sex define how they feel about someone. Sure, the sex is better if they're emotionally tied to the person, but the fact that sex was in the relationship isn't why they're emotionally attached. It's a separate thing. I think this mindset is what makes teenage sex work. (I'm not one of these people, so abstaining from those kinds of relationships in high school was a good call on my part!)

Basically: If you expect sex to be a result of emotional intimacy and love, teenage sex is bad since getting that is unlikely. If you expect sex to just be sex, it's neutral in my book.

 

[JAVO]

I'm overgeneralizing and oversimplifying, but...

Usually good in the short term (minutes to hours to years)
Often bad in the long term (3-10 years later)

Most adults don't understand and can't handle the implications of an intimate relationship on any level, but at least people have a better chance if they wait a little longer.

 

[FDG]

Honestly a teenagers brain is different from an adult brain. They don't function in the same manner. Teenagers use the limbic system in their brain for making decisions, while adults use their prefrontal cortex, which is the seat of emotion and decision making. It helps by being the "control center" of decisions, by utilizing different areas of the brain and having them work together to come to the best conclusion/decision. The teenage brain and the adult brain are different. Period.

So, what's the problem. Why would one want to think too much before having sex? Life is short, each decision can't be optimized taking into account everything that might happen in the future.

Anyway, 90 percent of people I know had sex during their teens (not at 13), and I can't see how it screwed them up. AND almost all of them were having sex in the context of a relatively long term relationship, given the time of their life (between 1 1/2 and 3 years).

 

[BlackCat]

Teenage sex is pretty awesome.

 

[FDG]

Teenage sex is pretty awesome.

that's the spirit!

 

[ajblaise]

Teenage sex is pretty awesome.

...and even better once you actually have it.

 

[BlackCat]

...and even better once you actually have it.

Oh yes, that was the best part!

But for real... sex is fine. Just don't do anything stupid.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Teenage sex is pretty awesome.

Ya rly. I survived just fine! But, my personal situation was definitely, definitely not the norm.

Really, sex is one of those things that while we can all discuss general trends, statistics, likelihoods of such and such, it is ultimately a very individual and personal decision. It can be harder for younger people to make sound judgments, and let's face it, adults can barely handle sexual relationships as it is. It is less about age, more about maturity and responsibility. It's harder to find this when you're younger, because like Fidelia said, even if you are prepared, your partner may not be ready.

I can't say it's bad, because sex has been a wonderful part of my life and relationship since I was 16. But it has as much to do with the other person as it does with yourself. My only advice to anyone, would be to take things slower, and seriously, simply because the risks are great and a misstep can be a life altering mistake.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I tell my teenagers I want them to wait until college or until college Plus meaningful relationship to have sex. Fidelia gave a thorough list. The main reasons I ask my kids to wait are:

• 
  No time for it and family too
  Physical and emotional immaturity, just not ready to be sexual yet; still developing into who you are
  Doubtful that the other person is ready, or feels the same way about it you do
  Still a bit self-centered; shouldn't have sex until you can consider the other person's feelings fully
  Can't fully understand the extent of emotions sex can carry with it, for you or the other person
  Chance of STI's and pregnancy

I agree with lowtech. That's what college is for.

 

[Litvyak]

Good thing... if they do it with you. Otherwise, it's a shameless sin!

 

[Speed Gavroche]

Teenage sex can be a very good thing. I know many peoples who practice from 12-14, I seriously don't see the problem.

 

[Riva]

Off topic

You could have all the sex in the world when you grow up kids.
But not till you stop believing that pop bands are cool.

 

[theadoor]

Depends on a lot of things. When, where, who you're with and why.

 

[Queen Kat]

Where I live you are supposed to lose your virginity before you're 17, otherwhise you're a freak. Even adults seem to think that way. Guess why people think I'm mentally disturbed.