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View Poll Results: What is your opinion on it?

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Thread: Teenage Sex

  1. #71

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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    This is a thread where a teenager is asking for advice. That other thread is more just like debate of yet another abstract topic to be hashed to bits as that is what most of here enjoy to do.
    Do you think that people are prepared to agree to something in the abstract that they wouldnt agree to in practice or when the topic is rephrased as someone seeking advice?

    That's perhaps another thread altogether but it reminds me of Bismarck's quote that agreeing to something in principle does not mean agreeing to it in practice.

  2. #72
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I wish this thread could some how be merged with the other ones in sexuality and mature topics forum, there's good points being made here that arent travelling. And the discussion there is revolving around even younger children (seven year olds) being made aware of sex.
    The other topic is about sex education entirely different!
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  3. #73
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Aphrodite, to answer your question, no, I am not worried about going to college a virgin.

    To all:
    1. I am not asking for advice either, just opinions. I have my own, and I think it is important for one to follow one's own opinion on the subject.
    2. This thread shouldn't be merged because I am asking, and I can't look at sexuality threads!
    3. I do not ever want to get pregnant, and neither do other girls. So the statement 'being comfortable with getting pregnant' really only applies to people who will want to be pregnant eventually. I think, anyways. Now, being able to support a child is different.

    And as far as waiting till your brain is fully developed...most people won't wait till they are 25. So what is the difference between one who is 23 and 25? Well, maybe there is a lot. But that is just a line being drawn, right at 25. Some people seem really, really immature, even after such an age, like I have mentioned before.

    I would like to ask another question.

    Do you think, that because of parents who are very strict about this sort of thing, teen girls are more or less likely to get pregnant? There are two arguments in my mind. Well, maybe more.

    1. They don't want to disappoint parents, so won't sleep with anyone, period.
    2. They will anyways, but won't get birth control, for any number of reasons, and just use simple protection, and get pregnant while trying to be quick and secret.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  4. #74
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think that if parents don't give any convincing other reasons, it is unlikely that their kids will avoid having sex. In some cases they can control the circumstances their child falls into which make it more unlikely for sex to happen. On the other hand, people are generally fairly inventive. I think if they respect their parent, their parent's opinions do have some impact on behaviour. Certainly parents give a different message if they assume their children are likely to be having sex anyway and so here's something just in case. I agree that many people get pregnant who didn't plan to have sex but put themselves in circumstances where they did have sex and didn't have birth control.

    It boils down to whether the parent's convinctions are being imposed or being adopted as the child's own. Secondly, the parents and the child would both have to make decisions which would avoid circumstances where the child will face an overwhelming temptation to have sex. If you put anyone of any age into the right situation, their physical responses and emotions will override anything they have already decided intellectually.

  5. #75
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I think some circumstances can be prevented, and some cannot. I think it is important to preach safe as well as non-for some children. Maybe if it happens anyways, preaching will not help?

    Well, I guess what works for some doesn't work for another.

    Add: also, when I said earlier that I don't want to go to college and just do it there, I meant I don't intend on planning sexual encounters in college. Like, have the plan to.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  6. #76
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't think preaching ever works. There has to be a lot of back and forth discussion over a long period of time (much before the kid is in that situation). People also need some practical "scripting" for what to say if they are faced with a situation where they are not completely comfortable, as well as practice implementing that scripting into practical situations (that's not just regarding sex). If parents are not willing to do this, as well as monitor what kinds of situations their kids are put into, they are being naive if they believe sex won't happen.

    Despite my parents' belief system (which I adopted as mine in stages, with lots of discussion), I was never kept in the dark about what kinds of birth control were out there and what risks there were associated with sex. On the other hand, if you are old enough to engage in an adult activity, it is also your responsibility to think ahead to the possible consequences (including pregnancy) and plan for them. I have friends who at 33 and 54 got pregnant after three months of dating, despite him having a vasectomy and her being on the birth control injection. I know many would disagree, but I don't believe it's responsible for anyone to have sex if they truly couldn't support a child or if it would be a disaster in their eyes to have one.

    For any kid who is actually determined to have sex (despite their parents not wanting them to), there's lots of information out there. Pretty much every junior/high school or community has a guidance counsellor or clinic that will help young people get birth control, without their parents' knowledge. There are also phone lines and internet where people can ask questions. I do think that a lot of adults and kids aren't completely aware of the dangers of some types of sexual activity (ie oral sex) that is generally regarded as "safe" and the precautions they should take.

  7. #77
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I can understand the scripting, especially looking at other girls I know. It seems like they will go along with something, even if it makes them uncomfortable, in order to be pleasing in some manner. However for teenagers who are comfortable...well, I guess that is a different story. Like in Europe.

    I did have my mother's belief system adopted to some level as a child, I suppose, probably because I did not know what else to think. However, I kind of pride myself on making my own decisions (if and when I can) and I think this is one of the things I wanted to think about for myself (hence already having my opinion on such). While it is important to be able to support a child, does that mean you should't sleep with others while in college? What if you can never support a child? Is sex only for the moderately wealthy?

    Isn't birth control a bit expensive, though? Well, to some degree. Also, I don't know how many teenagers are comfortable with talking to their counselor, although there are clinics and the such. For oral, what is there besides just getting an STD?
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  8. #78
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    3. I do not ever want to get pregnant, and neither do other girls. So the statement 'being comfortable with getting pregnant' really only applies to people who will want to be pregnant eventually. I think, anyways. Now, being able to support a child is different.
    I understand what you're saying. I think it's essential to remember though that BC can never be perfect, even with perfect use (which doesn't always happen despite our best intentions). I think saying "you should be comfortable with pregnancy" means you really need to accept the (hopefully very small) chance of getting pregnant, regardless of what you choose to do about the pregnancy. This takes a level of maturity that is not always present in young teens.

    For example I thought for a long time about my views on abortion before deciding to have sex for the first time, despite knowing I would be religious about my 2 methods of contraception...I wanted to know that I was capable of dealing with it if the worst case happened. Actually the embarrassment that would be associated with an abortion was also something that worried me for a while, though it sounds kinda silly now (I was 17 if that makes a difference). Pills fail, condoms break, etc.
    -end of thread-

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    I understand what you're saying. I think it's essential to remember though that BC can never be perfect, even with perfect use (which doesn't always happen despite our best intentions). I think saying "you should be comfortable with pregnancy" means you really need to accept the (hopefully very small) chance of getting pregnant, regardless of what you choose to do about the pregnancy. This takes a level of maturity that is not always present in young teens.

    For example I thought for a long time about my views on abortion before deciding to have sex for the first time, despite knowing I would be religious about my 2 methods of contraception (I was 17 if that makes a difference). Pills fail, condoms break, etc.
    I wouldn't want to use just one method of birth control. I dislike that idea, a lot, and actually am not comfortable with it. No matter how small the risk.

    Thank you for putting that simply. Accepting the chance is important, and knowing what you will do in the event of getting pregnant (or someone pregnant? This has taken an awfully girl-biased direction. Not surprising.) is something that would be helpful to know. I don't really know yet if I view it as a life or not...or something I would feel bad about taking...I take that back. I think I would have a conflict of emotion vs. other, whatever "other" is. I know many will say that that right there is why a lot of girls should not (or guys), but the simple fact is a lot of people don't know what they would do.

    Add: just looked at your post. Was it embarrassing to think of abortions? I think that is something I would keep to myself...but to me, it would look like I couldn't be responsible, think ahead, prevent it, etc.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  10. #80
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    A lot of people are not aware that you can get an STI through oral sex, or that it is safer if people use a dental dam. I know very many adults who take huge risks in all areas of their sexual behaviour, even though they are relatively responsible individuals. They have chosen not to be aware of potential dangers, and some choose to ignore those dangers anyway.

    In our culture, sex is seen as both a right and a need. We place considerable emphasis on the individual. In part, we can afford to do that because of the space and relative wealth we have to spread out in and to be independent. In many areas of the world, people are forced even for practical reasons to consider the needs of the larger group as well as/above their own wishes.

    Our countries pay incredible amounts of money dealing with the outcomes of people who have chosen to have sex irresponsibly or who have not been able to provide stable circumstances for children to be born into. While I believe it is important for their to be social safety nets in place, it should not be up to the educational, medical and justice system etc to bear the weight of those safety nets being overused. This doesn't just refer to those who make low wages and need to rely on welfare. Our educational systems cannot handle the high percentages of fetal alcohol syndrome, ADHD, behaviour/emotional issues, and learning issues that are the result of parents who are not able or willing to properly prepare for and devote their attention to having a child and raising it responsibly to become a contributing and strong member in the next generation. It is very quickly getting to a point where we will no longer be able to shoulder the load brought on by solely attending to individual over group rights.

    The best solution is self-monitoring. A couple of generations ago, many of the people from my area were not able to marry until later ages. While I know that not everyone made responsible choices, there was both self-monitoring of behaviour and some community stigma that had the effect of preventing that from becoming the norm (and that was before the days of cost-effective, readily available and reasonably reliable birth control or of abortion!). Our friends that came as refugees from Vietnam were in their mid-twenties when they came. They had lived for several years in a refugee camp, where they wouldn't have had access to reliable birth control, but they didn't have children during that time. Sex is a choice, and it involves more people than only those engaging in it. Very few people have children under inconvenient circumstances without having to rely on the support and help of family or friends.

    If people cannot afford to buy birth control and it would be a big problem for them to have a child, they aren't at a stage where they are independent enough to have the "right" to sex. With rights always come responsibilities.

    Any teenagers that are mature and articulate enough to be making the choice to have sex, are likely able to talk to someone about how to get birth control. If they are not at the point where they can have that conversation with a professional, it is doubtful that they can successfully navigate communication with a not completely developed adult (often of the opposite sex!) enough to be having the conversations they need to have before engaging in sex.

    Women are generally the ultimate "gatekeepers" of whether or not sex will happen. They stand liable to bear the brunt of the consequences of sex (whether pregnancy, the effects of BC pills or sterility caused from STIs). They also have the lowest tolerance to alcohol or drugs which may affect decision making abilities. Therefore, I think it is important that they really think it through (as you no doubt have) be as informed as possible.

    In the case of ultimately having to make the decision between having a child and having an abortion, women also need to be aware that there is very significant emotional impact that few talk about which goes along with having an abortion. There are also (like any surgery) serious physical risks which could result in death or infertility. This is quite aside from the ethical considerations a person may face regarding an abortion.

    You are right that the conversation has taken a women centric turn. However, men also have to face the possibility of supporting a child financially whom they may not have access to seeing, being connected with the child's mother for life even if he does not like her, not having control over how his own child is raised, or having a child aborted whose life he did not want to be terminated. These are all very big considerations and are ones that many at 16 are not prepared to face.

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