"Do you have cake?"
"All right, your turn to explain. Taking holiday to play eighteen black holes of interstellar golf is no excuse for never responding to phone calls repeatedly."
A Christian God:
"I stand by what I do. I'm sure I'll be held liable by you for whatever it is ye think I have or have not done, but that's your problem. I was perfectly content with the idea of leaving my footprint on the sands of time and being recycled into soil, but ye had to bring me here. Well, guess what? I'm going to hell of my own volition. See, I even died in my favourite shirt! *points to chest*"
In all seriousness, I wouldn't say a word. If a god is all knowing and about to judge me on my life's merits, I'd like to hear what they have to say, and I don't need to tell them anything - they know who I am.
It'd be too interesting to ruin with a quip.