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Thread: Self Pity!

  1. #1
    Riva
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    Default Self Pity!

    Does anyone do that? Well that's a stupid question, everyone does it from time to time.

    (1)The reason?

    (2) Aftermath
    Any thoughts on it? Hows that ever worked out? After the self pity period how did you feel? Did you pity yourself more for pitying yourself? Or did you turn back and think, what was I thinking?

    (3)How do you deal with it?

    (4)Any advice?

    Ps - The writer thinks that self pity is addictive.
    Last edited by Riva; 12-13-2009 at 01:05 AM.

  2. #2
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    (1)The reason?

    I think people take the self pity route as a defense of some sorts. If they are the victim they are not the problem, everyone else is the problem, or the situation is the problem. Granted, some situations are so bad that self pity may even be warranted. Self pity becomes an issue when a person stays in that state of mind and doesn't try to advance out of it.

    (2) Aftermath
    Any thoughts on it? Hows that ever worked out? After the self pity period how did you feel? Did you pity yourself more for pitying yourself? Or did you turn back and think, what was I thinking?


    I think self pity can be helpful for a short time. I think it can protect you for a bit while whatever the situation is sinks in, and you can adjust accordingly.
    Everyone has gone a period of self pity, the "why me", "what have I ever done to deserve this?" stage, but I think it is a dangerous place to live, you may visit every once and a while but never change your address.

    (3)How do you deal with it?

    I try to recognize when I slip into self pity mode and to figure out why I went there in the first place. I tend to ask myself, was it me? Was it things out of my control? etc. Then when I can pinpoint what it was, realistically what it was, I try to work on what the problem was in the first place.

    Ps - The Author thinks that self pity is addictive.


    P.P.S. I agree with the author.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  3. #3

    Default

    Self pity is wrong.



    I pity the fool.

  4. #4
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    (1)The reason?
    I'm not sure about other people. For me, it can be comforting at times. I tend to stay high up, closed up, and positive (not obnoxiously so), but an endeavor into self-pity is humbling and lets me open up even if it can be very negatively.

    (2) Aftermath
    Any thoughts on it? Hows that ever worked out? After the self pity period how did you feel? Did you pity yourself more for pitying yourself? Or did you turn back and think, what was I thinking?

    It's not something i recommend to use in the way i use it haha. It's a rollercoaster, but beneficial in my case. I utilize any positive/negative influence i can for personal growth, but with self-pity i shake it off as quickly as i can.

    (3)How do you deal with it?
    I typically don't let myself self-pity in front of others. Otherwise, i won't really hold it back. I'm quick to pick up from it though by analyzing why i feel the self-pity and reassuring myself that there isn't a need for it. Afterward, i find i am overall better for letting it overcome and then warding it off.

    (4)Any advice?
    It may not benefit you so don't seek it out. Generally don't feel ashamed when it finds you though, just keep some shred of positivity through it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Feops's Avatar
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    Self-pity is when one feels powerless to change the situation so they assume a passive stance to an issue. Either because they're actually victimized and lack sufficient assertiveness to break free, or because they're at fault and wish to sidestep responsibility for their actions.

    It is perhaps the path of least resistance in how to "deal" with an issue, but is generally the least productive.

    The best advice I can offer on how to beat self-pity is to discard the internal debate on fault and instead break the cycle of passivity. Action is enpowering. To take effective action you need a plan, one resilient enough to handle little detours that life throws at you. With such a plan you can no longer excuse yourself, or at least, you can rework it as the situation warrents.

    For example, weight and dieting are a common concern for some people. Someone may feel self-pity because they feel genetics is against them, or perhaps life allows little time for exercise or naturally lends one to a poor diet. The easiest route is to accept that it's 'natural' to be fat and they simply don't have the time to address it. Doesn't help much though. The way to actually address the issue would be to take a little time to reshuffle ones schedule to promote activity or adjust ones diet. It will take some sacrifices, but that's where you have to evaluate your priorities - is this something you really want (more than your tv shows and fatty foods), or something you just want to feel comfortable being lazy on?

  6. #6
    Senior Member flameskull95's Avatar
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    an ESTJ lives on self-pity.
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

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