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  1. #1
    Senior Member durentu's Avatar
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    Default Of Self Acceptance

    Reading through the forums, I began to wonder if the topic of self acceptance is missing. The good and bad, the strengths and weaknesses, the light and dark. How does one begin to accept oneself ?

    From the realm of love: what's my best match? how do I deal with this relationship issue? How do I reconcile some part of myself? How do I move past this rut? How do I get past this family crisis? etc

    And from the realm of work: what's my best career path? what's my role in life? How do I get past a certain struggle? etc

    Questions like these for some reason point to the missing part of the self: self acceptance.

    As MBTI helps to identify the self, how would you accept yourself? Are there any MBTI type specific ways to go about it?


    Every notable person of character has accepted themselves and fought for their own expression. It seems like something worthy of obtaining/doing.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Feops's Avatar
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    This is something I think about a lot. A journey that I've traveled and I'm still on. I'm going to take the position of one that starts in a state of complete self-denial. An extreme, depressive state.

    Self-Acceptance is, as I see it at least, the cornerstone of confidence and growth. You need to be able to take accurate stock of where you're at, where you want to go, and the best route to get there, before you can make real progress in life.

    The trap is that it's easy to get caught in a loop of critical thinking: I'm fat. I'm lazy. I hate my job. I'm a boring person. I have no social life. I'm poor. Etc. Dwelling on these can sap one's sense of self-worth and desire to make effective change. It is very easy to "deal" with these concerns by avoiding them, but then you're not accepting them, and you don't get anywhere. This bottoms out in the depression and hopelessness I mentioned, a complete lack of respect for oneself.

    If one is in such a state, one has to find a way to break this loop and build enough energy and nerve to first accept the reality of things. This can be hard depending on the person and the circumstances. While the method would vary from person to person, the best starter advice I could offer is to handle one's most basic needs first. If you aren't sleeping right, eating right, and at least somewhat active, you are severely handicapping yourself right from the start. The state of your body makes an impact on everything you do - your mood, your energy, your appearance - treat it as a sacred temple!

    Foundation placed, the next step is to remove barriers, usually stresses. Bad relationships (friends, spouses, family), bad habits (smoking, alcohol, drugs). It's hard to break habits, and hard to distance oneself from familiar relationships, even painful ones. You could write a book on each barrier and how to manage it, so I can't go into detail, but the most important step it to actually make that first step. Only once you get a little time away from the stress can one really appreciate the negative impact it makes on one's life.

    At this point one hopefully has enough energy and few enough barriers that one can make an accurate assessment of one's own state. When you accept what you are, you can consider what you want to be. When you know what you want to be, you can chart a path to get there. When you make progress, it begins a positive feedback loop and you build momentum. This momentum becomes confidence. This is why I originally asserted that self-acceptance is the keystone for confidence in oneself.

  3. #3
    Senior Member durentu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Feops View Post
    You need to be able to take accurate stock of where you're at, where you want to go, and the best route to get there, before you can make real progress in life.
    This sounds like a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis of some sort. Would you agree and are there other tools that can be utilized?

    The state of your body makes an impact on everything you do - your mood, your energy, your appearance - treat it as a sacred temple!
    Sounds good. However going from extreme depressive state of self disrespect to treating the body as a temple is a bit of a stretch in one step. Are there mental smaller steps that can be done?

    When you make progress, it begins a positive feedback loop and you build momentum. This momentum becomes confidence.
    Starting the momentum cycle takes effort and people forget or stray. I'd imagine some sort of ritual, like prayer, meditation, posters, or some kind of daily remind would be put in place. The idea of auto-suggestion in the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Would you agree and are there other methods to keep the cycle going?

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    Senior Member Feops's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by durentu View Post
    This sounds like a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis of some sort. Would you agree and are there other tools that can be utilized?
    SWOT sounds like a decent framework for an individual in a fairly sound state of mind who has a goal and needs some direction. It would be a process you could use for the very last step of my three part progression (take accurate stock of where you're at, where you want to go, and the best route to get there). SWOT would help map the best route to get there. But you can't even start this type of planning until you know what you want. And you can't properly know what you want until you accept who you are. Self-respect is the keystone for that acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by durentu View Post
    Sounds good. However going from extreme depressive state of self disrespect to treating the body as a temple is a bit of a stretch in one step. Are there mental smaller steps that can be done?
    I was intentionally painting with a very broad brush as summarize and not to sound even more like a self-help book.

    I don't expect many people could really make such a dramatic shift all at once. I could list out what worked for me, but I suspect that this wouldn't apply the same to all people. The path to treating oneself properly depends very much on the individual.


    Quote Originally Posted by durentu View Post
    Starting the momentum cycle takes effort and people forget or stray. I'd imagine some sort of ritual, like prayer, meditation, posters, or some kind of daily remind would be put in place. The idea of auto-suggestion in the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Would you agree and are there other methods to keep the cycle going?
    Yeah, it's easy to relapse back into bad behavior. Habits take forever to break. Auto-suggestion is basically advanced self-affirmation, yes? Unfortunately I'm not familiar with the book, but I very much believe that positive reinforcements are extremely helpful. Spiritual folks may have an advantage here as they tend to have closer communal ties.

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