It was only then that I realized that I had been coasting along for several years really sleep walking and not feeling anything. Just numbed because I was disappointed with my life in some way. Disappointed with myself. Not knowing what I wanted.
Wanting something is harder than I expected. When your light dies down it can be hard to make it burn bright again.
But, I think I am moving in the right direction. I have also been going to therapy and dealing with things I was just trying to ignore and keep at bay. It has been interesting and difficult and rewarding to try to get to know myself this way and to try to dig in and put some work in.