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Thread: This morning...

  1. #1
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Default This morning...

    This should interest some of you.
    I recently quit smoking. Last night, I was having terrible cravings, and rather than going to the store to get cigarettes, which I do not want to do, I took an antipsychotic I recently stopped taking, along with an anticonvulsant that I take sometimes- I know the two of these drugs together are relaxing somewhat and put me in a relatively good mood. I am also aware of contraindications of these drugs, and am fully aware of the risks, (not really any) of adding those drugs onto my current regimen. I calmed down a bit, and passed the time for the next two hours or so before I went to sleep.

    This morning, I woke up and felt, in a way, psychotic. It was simply as if I was incepting the world in a way that is 'not real.' My dog greeted me in the morning and she was strangely devoid of any of the emotional contact she usually provides. Her movements were cold and mechanical. I turned on the television and put on an episode of House that was Tivo'd and that I had seen before. This time around, the actors were stale- none were worth mentioning except for Hugh Laurie, who was forgivable, but far from believable. I had always thought the acting on that show was fine, but is it possible that I had imaginatively glossed it over? My only concept of what is real is what I have known, so it is just as likely that what I am experiencing now is real and all that I have experienced in the past was not. I know that this is not much information, but I've only been awake for two hours. My outlook is very, very different, I am not happy, I am not sad. I'm just dealing with a bit of a paradigm shift. Believe that I have many first hand accounts of altered states to reference, but I do not feel high or altered in any way that could be considered detrimental. Everything's just...very different. I guess what is real is in the eye of the beholder, so am I supposed to just choose which reality I prefer and stick with it?

    If what is is real and what was was not, then my imagination must have filled in many gaps. This wouldn't surprise me, because I'm about as imaginative as anyone I've ever met (INFJ's give me a run for my money).

    If you have any recommendations about anything I could try to compare to how it normally is that may give me a good idea of what I'm dealing with here (I'm not asking for a doctor, but I like experiments as much as the next guy), that would be appreciated as well as any other comments.

    I am going to work fairly soon. I will keep close tabs on how I am interacting with others, and how they respond to me. I am very intuitive about people that I meet, so this will be a telling trial. It's difficult for me to tell how you will respond to this message, which is not normal for me. It is hard to tell if it is because this is a very unusual post for me to make, or because my intuition is a bit stunted.

    I'm also going to explain a dream in a little while. It was an interesting, philosophical dream I had last night that actually included one of the forum members (who most of you know).
    An inscription above the gate to Hell:
    "Eternal Love also created me"

  2. #2
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Hey I got responses that were kind, so I'm changing this post. Thanks, guys!
    An inscription above the gate to Hell:
    "Eternal Love also created me"

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    Member Nyota's Avatar
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    Holy shit dude, I think you're in a little predicament here. Whenever I decide to alter my mind, I always get a little paranoid that it will stay like it is. You said "I do not feel high or altered in any way that could be considered detrimental. Everything's just...very different" but I don't see how that is not an alteration, even in a different way than you've usually experienced.
    INFj. 4w5.
    Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!'
    --C.S. Lewis

  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    so am I supposed to just choose which reality I prefer and stick with it?
    Heh, this would go against every fiber in my body. I'd never be able to do something like that. I'd never even want to do something like that. :P

    I won't give you any advice, for I fear my opinion might not do you any good, since in the end it is -all- up to you. And nothing I can say or do would influence that.

    But if you want my opinion for whatever reason: You've been lying to yourself way too much and it's time to stop all the nonsense drugs and whatnot and focus on your true self and find the positive sides without needing to lie to yourself about it. Stop dreaming, start living.

    But who am I to give such advice.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #5
    Senior Member ThinkingAboutIt's Avatar
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    I can't say that I understand what you are going through, but I will say that I have been praying for you and others and will continue to. It rips my heart out to see the hopelessness, despair, and pain behind the words typed on these boards
    Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Ok, I'll work through this stuff one at a time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nyota View Post
    Holy shit dude, I think you're in a little predicament here. Whenever I decide to alter my mind, I always get a little paranoid that it will stay like it is. You said "I do not feel high or altered in any way that could be considered detrimental. Everything's just...very different" but I don't see how that is not an alteration, even in a different way than you've usually experienced.
    It is an alteration, but I wouldn't consider it detrimental. I know that feeling of thinking things will stay that way forever, and it's not a pleasant feeling. In this case though, I wouldn't mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Heh, this would go against every fiber in my body. I'd never be able to do something like that. I'd never even want to do something like that. :P

    I won't give you any advice, for I fear my opinion might not do you any good, since in the end it is -all- up to you. And nothing I can say or do would influence that.

    But if you want my opinion for whatever reason: You've been lying to yourself way too much and it's time to stop all the nonsense drugs and whatnot and focus on your true self and find the positive sides without needing to lie to yourself about it. Stop dreaming, start living.

    But who am I to give such advice.
    Thanks for the advice, but unfortunately it is kind of hard for me to interpret. If you mean that doing drugs is lying to myself, I disagree wholeheartedly, and I'll probably make a thread about that sometime, when I trace my intuitions back through their logical chains. But if you mean that I am lying to myself in other ways, please elaborate.


    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkingAboutIt View Post
    I can't say that I understand what you are going through, but 1I will say that I have been praying for you and others and will continue to. 2It rips my heart out to see the hopelessness, despair, and pain behind the words typed on these boards :cry:
    1.Wow, that's very kind of you. You have joined a proud, large group of people. I'm sure you'll find them good company.

    2.Really? I should become a writer then. Just kidding. Your sympathy is touching, and if I remember correctly, you are an INTP, which makes such a heartfelt plea worth twice as much. I respect you, friend.
    An inscription above the gate to Hell:
    "Eternal Love also created me"

  7. #7
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Thanks for the advice, but unfortunately it is kind of hard for me to interpret. If you mean that doing drugs is lying to myself, I disagree wholeheartedly, and I'll probably make a thread about that sometime, when I trace my intuitions back through their logical chains. But if you mean that I am lying to myself in other ways, please elaborate.
    I know you are of different opinion on the matter, because had you not been you wouldn't be doing drugs of any kind in the first place. So no worries there. :P

    But yes, I believe anything less then sober in order to avoid how you are when sober is in a way lying to yourself. Just my opinion though.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I know you are of different opinion on the matter, because had you not been you wouldn't be doing drugs of any kind in the first place. So no worries there. :P

    But yes, I believe anything less then sober in order to avoid how you are when sober is in a way lying to yourself. Just my opinion though.
    There must be something that we agree on.
    An inscription above the gate to Hell:
    "Eternal Love also created me"

  9. #9
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Personally i would take up smoking again ..
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  10. #10
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    No doubt. :P

    There, we agree there must be something we agree on.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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