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I will kill myself

Into It

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*Disclaimer*

I am not going to kill myself now. Nor tomorrow. Nor the next day.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, it is true! So allow me to talk about this for just a moment.

In this life, we can only escape pain for brief moments, and when those fine moments can no longer be savored, we return to our natural states of deficiency, ever seeking more. Many people are kind because they want to be known as kind, but the most altruistic of us do not seek glory. They may insist that being thanked makes them uncomfortable. This is certainly true for some, but that is only because they have the ability to fill up their own cups and require no external validation. Our existence is a parody of what is pure; the goodness of our race is mocked whenever I inquire into our nature.

Property is only owned for legal reasons. When this finally hit me, all I thought I understood about ownership melted away. This computer is only mine because the salesman at the shop told me so. The shop only had it because it was sold to them by a manufacturer. The materials were acquired from the earth, and like us, were assimilated and given an identity for a period of time. As surely as this computer will be recycled eventually, so will I. I wouldn't even go so far as to say that I own my body. Sure, I am able to control it at all times, but it is compiled of earth's materials, and I am only renting them. If there is anything that I do own, anything at all, it is my consciousness. Over this I am sovereign - over this one thing, my word is law.

Most people who commit suicide do so as an escape from pain. To escape pain is in fact our only motivator. Some may see the acquisition of pleasure as the Great Motivator, but I find pain a more salient force than pleasure, and such distinctions are semantical anyways. As it stands, I believe the discomfort of life has already outweighed the discomfort of death because death sounds relatively cozy. At any rate, I hope that my own skin never becomes totally uninhabitable, in which case my hand would be forced before my heart is in agreement with it. I also hope that I do not meet an untimely, random death. The evil I see in both of these is identical: I am robbed of time.

Most people squeeze each drop of life out. That is quite the mindset to have inasmuch as keeping yourself busy is concorned, but not necessarily in regards to the length of life. I'm not here to say that this is the wrong approach, but my opinion on the matter is at odds with that of these people.

Of even my favorite books, you would not hear me say that I wished they would never had an ending. The joy of reading it is nice, but it is also pleasurable to regard the book as a whole. If I were to write my own book, I would not let anyone else write even a passage of it for me, so meticulous am I, and so hungry for the immaculate. I would also take special care in the ending. It should contain appropriate content and come at the appropriate time to complement the whole. The most beautiful art may be etched in sand and disappear by night, and this author's mindset is applicable to life in those who wish to leave their mark as one who lived a work of art.
 

Athenian200

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I comprehend and sympathize completely. I've thought about all of this myself. May you have a pleasant afterlife, friend.

I'm sure I'll join you sooner or later. Mors vincit omnia.
 

Blackmail!

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Why do you want to rob yourself of your remaining time?

Your existence is all you have.
 

BlackCat

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Congratulations, you've over analyzed life. Pretty much what Blackmail! said.
 

ADISCIPLE

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Of even my favorite books, you would not hear me say that I wished they would never had an ending. The joy of reading it is nice, but it is also pleasurable to regard the book as a whole. If I were to write my own book, I would not let anyone else write even a passage of it for me, so meticulous am I, and so hungry for the immaculate. I would also take special care in the ending. It should contain appropriate content and come at the appropriate time to complement the whole. The most beautiful art may be etched in sand and disappear by night, and this author's mindset is applicable to life in those who wish to leave their mark as one who lived a work of art.

I see what you are getting at with this. I know a person like you with your thoughts probably isn't concerned with what the people around them think. Which is perfectly fine. Of course there is a but here, But, if everyone reads your entire book and at the end just say, "what the hell?!", "It was great until this!". This would be the wide consensus and of course what does it matter to you, because you already created your ending, you finished it yourself, you quit because you didn't submit to the design (if it is designed). Suicide to me has always been an interesting topic. I never would commit suicide myself but I have definitely learned to understand why people would do it. You are not insane for bringing this up, but I could think of a better ending, and so could everyone else.
 

Totenkindly

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I don't agree that the main motivation of life is to escape from pain (and this is after a lifetime of suffering a great deal of emotional pain), although it is definitely one of the most salient motivators.

As for the rest, you'll have to create your own answers. I don't think avoidance of death is necessarily the greatest good; and yes, endings are part of the natural arc of life and death has its place. (Look at story genres, such as comics, where no natural ending is very often permitted, and you can see how it waters down the dramatic arc and makes what happened earlier almost meaningless.) We each get our own life to live and our story to tell, and we get to decide where it goes as far as we can.
 

AOA

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What, is this guy kidding??
 

Grayscale

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death would be a suitable choice if the only possibility in life was to escape what we fear. even though it's the same direction, whether you're running towards something or away from another makes all the difference. turn away from your fears and look towards what you appreciate, that is where you can find happiness, fulfillment, and ultimately a reason to live.
 

Jeremy

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Have you ever just sat at the top of a hill and watched the sunset, and just thought about why you started feeling that way? Life is something that is incomprehensible, but don't give up on it so easily. Your story will end someday, but.. not now. Pain is only one facet of life, and avoiding pain is not the only reason we exist.
 

Winds of Thor

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Hi Into It,
Do you know what your Enneagram is?
Eclectic Energies Enneagram Tests (free)
Test 2 is the one I took. I found it provides knowledge into stages of health for the types of people. This is a very powerful tool for helping one see lateral ways of idealism in being and feeling the healthiest.
In other words, you don't have to let everything in life push you to limits of unhealthiness.
I would like to offer you some things from some empathic people..."Every failure, every crisis, every difficult time, ask "What is this here to teach me?" If you get the lesson, you get to move on. If you really get the lesson you pass and you don't have to repeat the class and show up in another pair of pants. To give you some remedial work.
Difficulties come when we don't pay attention to life's whisper. Because life always whispers to you first...and if you ignore the whisper sooner or later you'll get a scream. Whatever you resist persists, but if you ask the right question, not "Why is this happening", but "What is this here to teach me?"...it puts you in the place and space to get the lesson you need. Let the awareness of who you are stimulate everything you do. If you are depressed, help someone who is depressed get through it. And then you will find happiness. If you are sick, help someone who is sick, and you shall be happy. If you are angry, help someone who is angry to see the meaning in being healthy. It is the meaning you want. Because meaning is what brings the real richness to your life. What you really want is to be surrounded by people who you trust, and treasure...and by people who cherish you.
Everyone has a calling. Everyone..Trust your heart and intuition. Harness your power to your passion. Honor your calling. It is your expertise and empathy (which you have), joyfullness, purpose, inner traits that have transcendent worth." -Oprah Winfrey


Yes, it is true! So allow me to talk about this for just a moment.

In this life, we can only escape pain for brief moments, and when those fine moments can no longer be savored, we return to our natural states of deficiency, ever seeking more. Many people are kind because they want to be known as kind, but the most altruistic of us do not seek glory. They may insist that being thanked makes them uncomfortable. This is certainly true for some, but that is only because they have the ability to fill up their own cups and require no external validation. Our existence is a parody of what is pure; the goodness of our race is mocked whenever I inquire into our nature.

Property is only owned for legal reasons. When this finally hit me, all I thought I understood about ownership melted away. This computer is only mine because the salesman at the shop told me so. The shop only had it because it was sold to them by a manufacturer. The materials were acquired from the earth, and like us, were assimilated and given an identity for a period of time. As surely as this computer will be recycled eventually, so will I. I wouldn't even go so far as to say that I own my body. Sure, I am able to control it at all times, but it is compiled of earth's materials, and I am only renting them. If there is anything that I do own, anything at all, it is my consciousness. Over this I am sovereign - over this one thing, my word is law.

Most people who commit suicide do so as an escape from pain. To escape pain is in fact our only motivator. Some may see the acquisition of pleasure as the Great Motivator, but I find pain a more salient force than pleasure, and such distinctions are semantical anyways. As it stands, I believe the discomfort of life has already outweighed the discomfort of death because death sounds relatively cozy. At any rate, I hope that my own skin never becomes totally uninhabitable, in which case my hand would be forced before my heart is in agreement with it. I also hope that I do not meet an untimely, random death. The evil I see in both of these is identical: I am robbed of time.

Most people squeeze each drop of life out. That is quite the mindset to have inasmuch as keeping yourself busy is concorned, but not necessarily in regards to the length of life. I'm not here to say that this is the wrong approach, but my opinion on the matter is at odds with that of these people.

Of even my favorite books, you would not hear me say that I wished they would never had an ending. The joy of reading it is nice, but it is also pleasurable to regard the book as a whole. If I were to write my own book, I would not let anyone else write even a passage of it for me, so meticulous am I, and so hungry for the immaculate. I would also take special care in the ending. It should contain appropriate content and come at the appropriate time to complement the whole. The most beautiful art may be etched in sand and disappear by night, and this author's mindset is applicable to life in those who wish to leave their mark as one who lived a work of art.
 

Costrin

rawr
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Why do we live? Because we have motivation to live. Negative motivations do not count. They eventually expire as in your case. People need positive motivation, some sort of goal to work towards. Just the act of working toward a goal, even if it is never fulfilled, is all one needs.

imo
 

Winds of Thor

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Into It my friend,

..here...Listen to him..Watch this. He talks about death. He had cancer. :blush:


"Death is a useful, but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven...don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is..as it should be. Because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you. But someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living the results of other peoples' thinking. Don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition...They somehow already know..what you truly want to become. Everything else..is secondary."
-S. Jobs



[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA"]YouTube - Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech 2005[/YOUTUBE]
 

Edgar

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If it's any consolation Into It, suicidal-dog shares your sentiments:

emoadvice.png
 

Into It

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I comprehend and sympathize completely. I've thought about all of this myself. May you have a pleasant afterlife, friend.

I'm sure I'll join you sooner or later. Mors vincit omnia.

I appreciate your sentiments.

What, is this guy kidding??

Nope.

Have you ever just sat at the top of a hill and watched the sunset, and just thought about why you started feeling that way? Life is something that is incomprehensible, but don't give up on it so easily. Your story will end someday, but.. 1not now. Pain is only one facet of life, and 2avoiding pain is not the only reason we exist.

I do believe that seeking pleasure drives all our motivation. As cold is merely the absence of heat, we seek pleasure to avoid pain- one type of pain that is a huge motivator is boredom. But pleasure seeking/pain avoidance, I think it is ambiguous. This is also in response to your comment, Jennifer.

1.No, not now.

2."Purpose" is an invention. It is subjective. So while my life has purpose to me, and to those I know, I doubt a greater purpose than this exists.

Make sure you don't try to commit suicide in China... in case you reconsider.

Would-be jumper gets 'helping' hand

I read that article yesterday. Turns out, (for those who haven't read it), he was pushed off of a bridge on to an inflatable mattress that the police set up. Not worth going to jail for, imo.
 

Into It

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Why do we live? Because we have motivation to live. Negative motivations do not count. They eventually expire as in your case. People need positive motivation, some sort of goal to work towards. Just the act of working toward a goal, even if it is never fulfilled, is all one needs.imo

The pain of work is overshadowed by the psychic pleasure of knowing that you are working toward a goal, so this 'work' is actually a pleasure seeking behavior, which I do believe is synonymous with 'pain avoiding.' Also, the word for that kind of pleasure, as opposed to kinetic, is katasystemic, (just learned that word yesterday) but I'm sure you already knew that, you old INTP, you!
 

Costrin

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The pain of work is overshadowed by the psychic pleasure of knowing that you are working toward a goal, so this 'work' is actually a pleasure seeking behavior, which I do believe is synonymous with 'pain avoiding.' Also, the word for that kind of pleasure, as opposed to kinetic, is katasystemic, (just learned that word yesterday) but I'm sure you already knew that, you old INTP, you!

Yeah you could say it's the same thing, but it's really not relevant. What is relevant is the mindset. But it'll never be proven to you by theorizing, just gotta go out and do it. Nothing to lose, everything to gain, eh?
 

AOA

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You talk about death being an 'escape' from pain - you're basically seeking relief. That is entirely it.

... Now, how on earth are you going to 'feel' that relief from the pain of existence given you're 'gone'?

Haven't most people gone through pain and suffering, do just about anything to humble themselves to help each other?

... And what exactly do you mean "I will kill myself"? Sounds pretty much ambigious, given you have not specified where or when.

I would think you have a chance in life, still. Death is inevitable for everybody, and it is that that brings about our ideologies, and 'schools' our morals, however you view it... even that it is 'subjective' to the individual. You are certainly not alone.

... Don't do it, it's not worth it.
 

Into It

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You talk about death being an 'escape' from pain - you're basically seeking relief. That is entirely it.

... Now, how on earth are you going to 'feel' that relief from the pain of existence given you're 'gone'?


Haven't most people gone through pain and suffering, do just about anything to humble themselves to help each other?

2... And what exactly do you mean "I will kill myself"? Sounds pretty much ambigious, given you have not specified where or when.
I would think you have a chance in life, still. Death is inevitable for everybody, and it is that that brings about our ideologies, and 'schools' our morals, however you view it... even that it is 'subjective' to the individual. You are certainly not alone.

... Don't do it, it's not worth it.

1.Yes, for most people, suicide is an escape from pain. I pity that situation. But how would one "notice" the escape from pain? Doesn't matter. Schopenhauer says one makes the decision when "the terrors of life outweigh the terrors of death." Personally, I would hope my suicide would not be an escape from pain. I would like to endure as much pain as I possibly could take, because defeating pain raises your potential. I have considered suicide when I was at a point of great psychological pain and grief. Even then, it was only a thought in passing, and I was not in as much pain as I would have needed to be to carry it out at that time. I would greatly prefer my death to take place at a high point in my life.


2.Yeah, I really wish that I could edit the thread name at this point. The best I can do is add a disclaimer to the OP.
 
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