As we all wind down our own paths through life, we are constantly searching for answers. Who are we? What do we want to become? Who do we think we should be? What is the meaning to all of this mess? This chaos. It is a constant struggle between self and world. We are constantly running into problems, constantly trying to decide which path to take. Certain paths lead different ways, and certain people choose certain paths. Weíre all on our own winding journeys through this life. No path is right and none wrong. As we carry on, our ego is constantly asserting its presence. It decides for us which paths to take. It takes control. It even lies to us. The decisions and problems that we constantly run into are all means and tests by a larger being than our egos, trying to wake our selfís up. Life is a never ending journey. Never do we sit down and rest. A constant winding road through forests, rivers, fields, and mountains, and itís all under the ego. Itís when we start realizing the underlying presence, that we can begin to realize the depth and meaning to this entire struggle.
I have always been on the move. Since I was 3, has my life been a constant trek through mountains, valleys, fields, and forests. My mother passed away as I drifted into early ages of childhood. Journeys into mountains, homes in foreign places, and memories of mysteries fill my memory. Potsdam moved into my life around the age of eight. It has been my sister, my father, and I, for many years, on this cold rock, living and being with each other. I am close to them, very close. If it werenít for some greater being giving us the power to carry on, and love, I can say that our lives would be worse off. Reading Ralph Waldo Emersonís poem, Nature, was almost as if reading the final pages to an epic novel. It sums up the entire life I have lived, and person I am.
As I read this poem, an underlying theme came to mind. Not a theme that someone else might pick up, as poetry is subjective and is meant to be pondered in different ways, but something personal, as if it had been written for me, as if the poet secretly knew everything about me. Death: the complete release of self; the ego. Being so close to it, it has kept me up many nights reading and wondering. Wondering why this life is so full of struggle, anger, fear, and sadness. It has come to me, through a few teachings that blend Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Native American beliefs; the answer. The way, the Tao, Om.
ďStanding on the bare ground, my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifting into infinite space, all means of egotism vanishes.Ē
These first few words trigger an instinctive concept to my mind; the aspect of death. The uplifting into infinite space, a possible sanctuary somewhere in foreign streams on consciousness, where our souls reside. The destruction of the ego. Where self is devoured, and the soul, the being, lives on. Complete freedom, a release from the constant voice in our head telling us to be bigger, better, telling us to fit in, telling us that we want things, and running our emotions wild. Neither happy nor sad, it simply is being, being completely in tune with every aspect of consciousness; at every level-
ďI see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me- I am part or particle of God.Ē
Of God. Itís something we forget at a very young age. Science can reduce it to a certain extent, but he is there. Metaphorically, or literally, we cannot be sure. He watches us, he is the universal knower. Death, life, love, anger, war; all Godís doings. There is no evil. God is constantly throwing rocks into our paths, rivers into our crossings, and mountains in our ventures, as a way of strengthening our souls, cleansing our souls, and killing the ego- my motherís death, as an example; an avalanche on our mountain trek. It hurt us, rips us apart. But we move on with a sense of enlightenment afterwards.
He is constantly bringing joy to us- natural beauty that people seem to have lost love for. Mountains, rivers, trees, forests, flowers are all beautiful. They have found the answer to it all. They are simply being. Rejoicing in the warm sun, soaking in the rain, and never ceasing to question anything, as everything is simply there.
ďI am a lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I have something more connate and dear than in the streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature.Ē
Ancient tales tell us that Buddha, after leaving the palace of the Brahmins, left and became a Samana, a nomad. He spent three years living in the forests, becoming one with nature, performing acts and being as all men should be. He found the true beauty of nature through this; the destruction of the self, and tapping into the universal being, the father, whom he learned to treasure the natural beauties of the earth. Possessions donít mean anything. They simply are meteors that soar through our gravitational forces. Everything is temporary; all we are is dust in the wind.
I incorporate these words into my life as frequently as I can. But, no matter how many times I am enlightened, man is still vulnerable to the ego. We all lose our guards. I find happiness in knowing that there are streams of consciousness that are trappable, ones that can bring inner peace, in this chaos of things. Itís not the cell phone that I have, nor the laptop that I am typing at, or even the house I live and love in, that will bring happiness to my life. It is the love and the beauty that I can share with others and nature. Knowing that there is a warm presence in my heart, which also runs deep through the veins and vines of life around me. I can only pray that others would have this ability. The world is such a superficial desert of meaningless chaos. We have all let our egos run wild in this wild plane. I wish we could all leave them behind, and become ones with nature. After all, itís in our nature to be ones with nature.
Beauty and peace is not a destination, but rather something that we are all born with. We are biotic beings on this world, and humans have been the only species to become infested by such devils as the ego. I believe that death is the ultimate release of all sorrow, the death of the ego, and the explosion of peace and bliss. Our souls gush out of our disposable bodies and wrap their hearts into nature, becoming ones with this earth and the universal being. We are all just dust in the wind, all of our dreams pass before our eyes in curiosity. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind. Let us make our ways through life, leaving the ego in the dust, and eventually end up in the roots and soil that so peacefully rest under our shoes.